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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what you would do in this situation

23 replies

numblittlebug · 13/02/2022 20:08

We are getting towards the time we need to think about school for DS.

DH job is up in the air about WFH etc at the moment but usually we both work in the same area but that is just over 1 hour away from home. So how does it work?

Due to traffic etc in the mornings we would have to be on the road by 6:45 to start at 8am. DH then finishes at 4pm so would be home with traffic at about 5:15ish I finish later and don't get home till around 6:15ish normally.

There are no childminders around us that start at 6:45 and after school clubs finish at 4 at the latest we simply don't get how people do it other than me giving up my job.

We have looked into private school as obviously we can be more flexible on location and could get somewhere that they start at 7:45 for breakfast club and then it's a 10 min drive from there to our work place and they have a after school session that finishes at 4:15 so DH could grab him no problem. However at £10,000 a year before paying for breakfast and after school this seems absurd.

I just wonder how other parents do it/would do it in this situation. My parents live the other end of the country so no help there and DH parents are not willing to help so a bit stuck there!

OP posts:

JacketOnTheHook · 13/02/2022 20:16

Move closer to work?

Original poster

numblittlebug · 13/02/2022 20:19

@JacketOnTheHook

Move closer to work?

We cannot afford that. We work in Surrey where to get a similar house to what we have now would be an extra £150-200,000. Simply is not an option (and we are talking a 3 bed semi!)

OP posts:

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 13/02/2022 20:19

Either
Move close to school
Suck up crazy fees
Work less hours
Get new jobs

Or a combination of all. All families I know struggle with this apart from the very very very few with unicorn grandparents who love picking up kids every day. None of us manage it particularly well, it’s always a rush.

Whichever way you will face loss of income through reduced hours or childcare fees - personally we decided for me to work less. Finances are the same either way, so I prefer to spend that little extra with the kids.

There is no easy or right answer imo

Wigeon · 13/02/2022 20:20

Do you both HAVE to start at 8am? Can you do staggered starts - you start early and end early and he starts late and ends late, and then he does the morning drop off and you do the collecting?

Does the school have a breakfast or after school club?

Nanny is an option, but expensive.

Have you literally contacted all the childminders nearby and they have all said they don’t do early starts?

Another option is one/both of you drop to part time, so you are around for either pick up or drop off.

Comedycook · 13/02/2022 20:21

A nanny?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 13/02/2022 20:21

People have shorter commutes, use au pairs or childminders, work flexi hours, rely on relatives... they make it work.

You are right to be thinking about it, primary school days and terms are not compatible with working FT an hour away.

trilbydoll · 13/02/2022 20:22

Flexibility in start (and therefore finish) times for you both
Au pair
Pick schools entirely based on availability of wraparound care

Go back in time and sign DS up with a childminder aged 6w who could now do school runs for you

Comedycook · 13/02/2022 20:24

If you did go for the private school option, what would you do in school holidays?

Bushkin · 13/02/2022 20:24

Start work at 9? Both of you starting at 8am an hour away when you have a primary school child will be nigh on impossible without a nanny.

Also consider staggered starts for reception and how you’ll cover school holidays

Savvysix1984 · 13/02/2022 20:24

What do you currently do? Can you request flexible working?

Original poster

numblittlebug · 13/02/2022 20:28

To be honest we didn't think we would end up in this situation. We had planned to move closer to my parents but this hasn't worked out at this moment.

I know the answers seem obvious but with it being our first child and we are the only ones on our friend group with a child it seems that everyone else has it all together haha.

We are currently enquiring about flexible starts. My job are arses and are not flexible in the slightest and every time anyone has put in a flexible request it has been denied. Same way I would not be allowed to drop hours. We are hopeful with DH that it may just work and that there is the potential to WFH majority of the month which means he can drop off and pick up.

The childminders we have contacted all start at 7am the one who starts at 6:30 is full and has a wait list as long as your arm so that's also my fault for being nieve about it!

Feeling like a right failure!

OP posts:

Original poster

numblittlebug · 13/02/2022 20:30

School holidays are another issue all together. Between us we can cover half terms and Christmas and Easter. With summer we have some lovely local summer camps/day centres that we already have our names down on!!

It's far from ideal and I feel like a horrible mother but also have bills and mortgage to pay and trying to save to move and have a better life!

OP posts:

Hobbes8 · 13/02/2022 20:30

What do you do now? I work in Surrey and live over an hour away. Wrap around care at the school is 7.30 am till 6pm. I work at home some days (which is surely increasingly common), my husband has one weekday off and a friend picks my kids up from after school club one day.

BootsScootsAndToots · 13/02/2022 20:32

I changed my hours and started work at 7.30 am and finished at 3.30 pm.

Dh did the morning drop off to the CM and I collected in the afternoon. I also WFH 2-3 days a week which helped massively.

I did have to work evenings if anything urgent came up as I was leaving 'early' but that comprise was worth it for us.

Original poster

numblittlebug · 13/02/2022 20:34

@Hobbes8

Currently we have a childminder who lives on our road and DS does half days. DH job is fully flexible on timings since WFH and as long as he does his hours and is online on a Wednesday at 2pm - 4pm he can work whenever. This will stop once office working resumes (which is silly really). We have been so lucky so far and have saved so much so know we are fortunate compared to many others. However we're also stupid and brought a house with a ridiculously high mortgage!

We only have 1 local school for our area so there are no options unfortunately

OP posts:

BluebelllsRosesDaffodills · 13/02/2022 20:34

I think an au pair would be the best option.

Have you got the room?

Bushkin · 13/02/2022 20:35

Don’t feel like a failure OP, it really is bloody difficult trying to work full time with school age children. Workplaces should be much more flexible

BurntO · 13/02/2022 20:35

Reduce hours, move, change jobs. All things most parents I know have had to do at some point.

BoristalkedaboutBruno22 · 13/02/2022 20:39

Why does your job require an 8am start? Ask for a 0900 start? Use wrap around care

LawnFever · 13/02/2022 20:39

How are you managing now with working the hours you do? You must have child that works now, is that flexible around school?

fortheloveofcheesecake · 13/02/2022 20:42

I picked the school closest to my work with the best wrap around childcare. No point having a school near to home if it doesn't open in time. We chat in the car on the commute together.

thenightsky · 13/02/2022 20:45

With summer we have some lovely local summer camps/day centres that we already have our names down on!!

Beware. I did that, then found they started at 9.30am and wanted kids picked up by 3.30pm.

picklemewalnuts · 13/02/2022 20:50

Get a job closer to home.

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