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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why can't people mind their own???

13 replies

gemini35 · 13/02/2022 19:28

I have a one year old DS.

I'm still breastfeeding a lot (shock horror)
I cosleep with my DS
I have zero desire to leave him and go out drinking for the night despite immense pressure from friends (who are also mums)
I'm told I'm making my son clingy, I will have to leave him at some point, blah blah blah blah blah

Why can't people keep their noses out and respect my choices?
I like being with my baby and don't feel I want to stop cosleeping/leave him with my DH and go out for the night/stop breast feeding but I'm constantly made to feel as though I'm doing the wrong thing and I find myself questioning my choices constantly as a result!!

OP posts:
SaySomethingMan · 13/02/2022 19:30

I fed mine till nearly 2 and coslept. I never felt judged because I knew it was no one’s business and didn’t really discuss. I was far too tired to bother or be bothered.

NuffSaidSam · 13/02/2022 19:33

People will never mind their own business when it comes to parenting. You need to find a way to tune them out or shut them down. Learn now and save yourself 18 years of stress!

Butchyrestingface · 13/02/2022 19:35

I have zero desire to leave him and go out drinking for the night despite immense pressure from friends (who are also mums)

Did you USED to go out drinking with them by way of socialising?

I agree your sleeping and feeding arrangements are absolutely none of their business and they should wind their necks in on that front. It sounds like they want to see you though. Have you (or they) made suggestions about meeting up socially in a way that doesn't involve watching them get drunk?

Original poster
gemini35 · 13/02/2022 19:37

@NuffSaidSam I just can't believe that people so brazenly push their opinions on you - it's crazy.

@Butchyrestingface yes, I used to be fun Grinbut I just don't feel like I'm the same person now. I prefer staying in and cuddling my baby and can't see it changing any time soon!

OP posts:
GalactatingGoddess · 13/02/2022 19:43

OP what has helped me is genuinely not giving a shit about what people have to say. As long as my baby is healthy, happy and loved I couldn't care less.

I will take advice when I want advice, and I will say, I get very little mum guilt about things which surprised me as I thought I'd be the opposite! (DD is 17months)

Still BF her (lots of judgement), never ever co slept and no desire to really, we don't take her to play gyms, I'm strict with keeping a routine of naps and sleep (got a LOT of judgement about this!) and she has allergies so I'm 'precious' about who's house I'll go to and what she can eat/where we eat.

Just stop caring if you can 🙃

Curiouserandcuriouser1 · 13/02/2022 21:26

I hear you OP. I still breastfeed and co-sleep my 14 month old twins and boy to people have a lot to say about it! I learnt early on not to offer any information regarding baby care with people who can’t keep their opinions or judgements to themselves. If people push (hello mil), then I give brief but firm answers and keep the rest of the conversation regarding little one related to the funny things they did etc. It put a stop to the whole ‘wouldn’t it be better if you did this yadda yadda’. If people comment on breastfeeding, ‘shouldn’t you stop/why are you still doing’ etc I smile confidently and say, ‘when I am ready’ and ‘I have my reasons.’ You are not required to give them any explanation. I feel for you though OP as I have never felt so judged since becoming a mother, it’s one of the things that triggered my PN depression.

BrutusMcDogface · 13/02/2022 21:29

Just do what works for you! I agree that maybe your friends miss you, though, in which case try and meet up with them in the day with your kids or something. Most friendships need maintenance.

rolopo · 13/02/2022 21:43

I think it's totally fine for you to parent however you want but I think you also have to accept that your friendships will change if you never want to meet up with them without your baby in tow. Especially when they are at an age when they don't rely solely on you for food so can in theory be left. Some people don't want to hang out with babies and that's understandable.

But it's completely your choice and anyone who's judging or putting pressure on you to do anything it out of order!

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/02/2022 21:48

Well, it’s nice your friends want to see you..

Donkeyinamanger · 13/02/2022 21:51

It sounds like your friends want to see you. Is that really so bad?

Luckyelephant1 · 13/02/2022 21:54

I agree with you about the feeding/sleeping, but moaning about your friends wanting to see you for one night without the baby is a bit much. I don't think that's an unreasonable request. You don't have to go out drinking till 3am but why not just go out for a nice meal, glass of wine and back by 10?

Curiouserandcuriouser1 · 13/02/2022 21:54

Also, isn’t 1 year old prime time for separation anxiety, a normal developmental stage that causes babies to cling to their main care giver? Isn’t this a sign that you have a great bond with your DS and he is well attached to you? The more secure the attachment at a young age, the more independent the child will be in later life so I’m told. Children develop and test their independence when they are ready, I don’t understand our culture’s obsession with pushing kids to be independent as soon as possible, they’re only little for such a short time.

Curiouserandcuriouser1 · 13/02/2022 21:56

Sorry probably should have quoted you there - it’s just a comment relating to what you said about people saying you are making your child clingy.

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