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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move son back to old school?

28 replies

Chippednails · 13/02/2022 17:52

My DD (11) is in year 6. For various reasons we moved her out of her primary at the end of the last school year to another local school. She has made some friends but it’s a very different school and she is really not happy there.

WIBU to move her back again for the rest of the school year? We moved due to concerns over the standard of teaching btw and while this isn’t totally resolved I wonder whether at this stage it really matters and her general happiness is more important. Or does it build resilience to help her find a way through the rest of the year?

She is very ready for secondary so I don’t really feel that the move in September will bring similar issues for various reasons.

OP posts:
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 13/02/2022 17:54

Have you done this thread before?

Mamamia7962 · 13/02/2022 17:54

Depends on whether she wanted to move to the school she's at now or was it just you.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/02/2022 17:56

What's the problem with the new school that makes the uncertainty and disruption to her worth it?

And does the first school even have a place?

HelloDulling · 13/02/2022 17:57

Son or daughter? Anyway, your child is really not happy, so you really don’t need to ask. If they will have them back, do it. The last term of Year 6 should be so much fun.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 13/02/2022 17:58

Is there any space at the old school?

BuritoCat · 13/02/2022 17:59

They might say no but it's worth a try - won't it unsettle her being moved yet again though?

LIZS · 13/02/2022 18:00

Many year 6s are not settled in school as they have basically outgrown it and mentally moved on. I'm not sure it is worth the upheaval tbh.

Original poster
Chippednails · 13/02/2022 18:06

Not done the thread before and yes it was our decision not hers. New school has some issues with that particular year group which is quite unruly especially compared to the old school. We have a younger DS that has moved as well but is very happy and settled with a much better year group.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chippednails · 13/02/2022 18:07

It would be possible to have them at different schools and yes I am almost certain there would be space at the old one. Despite the issues we left on good terms so that side of things doesn’t concern me.

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titchy · 13/02/2022 18:08

There's only a term left, what's the point?

planningtomakeaplan · 13/02/2022 18:13

There's only a term left, what's the point?

A term is a long time when you're 11! And it's 1.5 terms and 5 months away.

That's like saying "it's nearly Christmas" in July!

If your DD will be happier and it's possible, then move her, I would.

WomblingWilma · 13/02/2022 18:14

I would have never moved a child in Yr6 anyway unless there was an urgent house move way out of area for work etc, or if the child was being bullied and was desperate to move schools.

Was it your DDs choice or yours? It was a bit late in the day to be concerned about teaching standards if she was otherwise happy. It’s very hard to break into established friendship groups in Yr6.

Which school is the main feeder for her secondary? Why is she unhappy? Is it missing friends or is being bullied? Does she have friends at current school? Will her friends from her old school go the the same secondary, although they may moved on in terms of friendships groups by then.

If it was your choice and she’s really struggling, I’d take it as a big mistake on my part and try to move her back.

WomblingWilma · 13/02/2022 18:22

Sorry just seen it was your choice to move her. Poor girl!

formalineadeline · 13/02/2022 18:36

But then she'll be moving yet again in September?

I don't think 3 school changes in the space of 12 months would be especially helpful unless she is in really dire straits.

She's a different child, a different age, in different environments to your son. It's taking her longer to settle and feel "at home" there than him - that alone doesn't mean something is so amiss she should be yanked back out.

Is school supporting her?

harbourlane · 13/02/2022 18:51

Why does the title say son but the post daughter?

labyrinthlaziness · 13/02/2022 18:53

  1. What does your DD think?
  2. Do both schools feed into the secondary she will go to?

and 3) Are you confused between your DS and DD? Grin

Gazelda · 13/02/2022 18:59

Does your DD want to move? Have you asked her?

I think to I've her again would be quite unsettling for her. And she'd have to field all the questions about why she moved in the first place.

And then she moves again in September. That's a lot of of adjusting for her, at a time that can often be tricky (puberty).

Original poster
Chippednails · 13/02/2022 19:02

Always mix the two up - not helpful to look at one child while writing about the other 😂. She wants to move. But has good and bad days with that. Really misses her best friend and other friends and the general environment. It was a huge decision to move her but made for good reason at that time. In the meantime some but not all issues with the old school have been somewhat improved. If she moved back it would purely be for her emotional well-being not because we think she’d get much educationally from it. The new school is very different but then my son is also a more robust character so is really happy there. She does have some friends at the new school but I don’t think has ever really gelled. We’re also now getting feedback from the teachers about angry outbursts towards them etc which never would have happened before - I’m not sure if this is because she sees other kids being unruly and getting away with it or if it’s because she’s unhappy and frustrated, or a mix of the two (the latter I suspect). On her good days she says it ok, on bad days she absolutely hates it.

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Original poster
Chippednails · 13/02/2022 19:04

@Gazelda

Does your DD want to move? Have you asked her?

I think to I've her again would be quite unsettling for her. And she'd have to field all the questions about why she moved in the first place.

And then she moves again in September. That's a lot of of adjusting for her, at a time that can often be tricky (puberty).

This is my worry. That if she moves back it would all be a big deal amongst the kids and maybe some people might be unkind about it too. She’s absolutely desperate to get to secondary and genuinely so excited that I don’t really worry about that move. I just worry about the next term and a half and her potentially getting more upset.
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Gocatgo · 13/02/2022 19:07

If they feed into the same secondary or a mix of children will go from each school then I’d move her back. Some year groups just don’t work.

If she’s going to a secondary school with the kids from the current school then it wouldn’t make sense to reunite with old friends and leave them again.

ThinWomansBrain · 13/02/2022 19:10

in your daughter's position, I'd be more unhappy that DM not interested enough to distinguish between son and daughter rather than whatever is going on at school TBH.

labyrinthlaziness · 13/02/2022 19:10

We’re also now getting feedback from the teachers about angry outbursts towards them etc

I would move her if it is this bad.

labyrinthlaziness · 13/02/2022 19:11

I had a relative who moved their child in yr 5 then back again for yr 6. It was fine, child was happier.

Original poster
Chippednails · 13/02/2022 19:12

@ThinWomansBrain

in your daughter's position, I'd be more unhappy that DM not interested enough to distinguish between son and daughter rather than whatever is going on at school TBH.
OK thanks for that input. Obviously that’s what’s at the heart of it all Hmm
OP posts:
Original poster
Chippednails · 13/02/2022 19:13

@labyrinthlaziness

I had a relative who moved their child in yr 5 then back again for yr 6. It was fine, child was happier.
Can you share any more about why they made that decision? Was the situation similar?
OP posts: