To ask for advice

[SayMumOneMoreTime]

I have a work situation I've never come across before and would appreciate some advice and different perspectives.
I am a sole trader. My work is varied but one aspect is working with groups of vulnerable and disadvantaged people. I work with 3rd sector organisations because it is very difficult to access the funding and service users by myself.

I approached a 3rd sector organisation with an appropriate funding bid and an outline of the course I could run for their service users if they were interested. They were really interested and excited and put the bid in within a week.

The first sign that things might be a bit different is that they submitted the bid without an agreement between us. They sent through an agreement for me to sign, and it outlined a course that was quite different to the one I offered. For example, my focus is on confidence building and wellbeing, they wanted the focus on a big public event at the end. I pushed this back because it isn't what I do.

Two people run this organisation, we had a meeting together and in response to my questioning their change of focus one of them (I'll call her Debbie) said 'we don't even know who you are! What is it that you do?' which I was surprised by because I had provided references, my website, examples of previous projects, access to my social media. It was clear they hadn't looked at any of it.

Anyway, the course has started and almost finished. Just before the penultimate session began, Debbie called me aside and demanded lots of changes, said the service users aren't enjoying it and I need to change everything in time for the event. I said this wasn't possible, and she shouldn't worry I know exactly what I'm doing as I've been doing it for 15 years. Debbie talked over me, and when I asked if she was going to let me speak she said 'no, I don't want to hear it'

When I delivered the session after this discussion I asked the service users if they were enjoying the content and they said they were. I asked if they would like me to change anything and they said no, they were loving it.

Basically Debbie's now sent an email with a really arsey tone saying it's a shame I'm not prepared to make a few reasonable changes. These are not reasonable changes, she knows nothing about what I'm doing and she won't listen to me at all. What shall I do? At the moment I'm ignoring the email because she sent it last thing on Friday.

How should I deal with it? Obviously I'm furious and feel like telling her to go fuck herself and that she's unbelievably unprofessional.

Any advice is welcome!

As I understand it you found a funding opportunity and took this to Debbie’s business with a proposal that you jointly bid for the funding. Your role would be to use your expertise to develop and deliver a course for Debbie’s service users. Debbie is now trying to tell you how to do your part of the project. Debbie obviously sees you as an employee rather than a partner.

Your response will be affected by how and when you receive your share of the funding. For example could Debbie cut you out take the materials you used in the session you ran and refuse to pay you?

Start by going back to basics and set out how this works e.g. you found the funding, working in partnership, joint bid, setting out clearly yours and Debbie’s role. Be careful not to come over as passive aggressive or basically you have no experience/I know what I’m doing - you know what I mean.

Then set out your expertise and how you will deliver your part of the project. Timeline with deliverables - i know you will have done this already but do it again.

Then take her feedback point by point and explain why it’s not appropriate. Tiresome but politely showing your expertise.

I know you will want to respond in similar language but rise above it and keep it professional.

HTH - 3rd sector is not my area but working in partnerships is.

Thank you @BrandyAB that's exactly what I needed to hear. Really clear and practical advice. I absolutely know I shouldn't respond in the same language and should rise above it, but I couldn't see a way to come out of this project with my boundaries in tact! You've really helped, thank you.

Glad to help.