To worry about an old bully

[PhryneFisher]

TRIGGER WARNING

My DS (12] started secondary school last year and soon made friends with another boy who seems lovely. They were both the only children from their respective schools and have a lot of shared interests.
His parents seem really nice too, and I get on well with them. They’re very sociable people.
His mum sent me a friend request on FB and usually she is the sort of person I would be friends with. She’s asked if I want to go on a night out with her friends.
But when I accepted the friend request I saw several photos with a former colleague of mine who bullied me to the extent I had a nervous breakdown and suicidal thoughts, about ten years ago.
She was suspended from work and left shortly after, but she said she would “make my life difficult “.

The posts suggest they are really close friends and see each other regularly, with barbecues, meals etc.

My issue is that I like this family but worry about getting too close and opening the risk of seeing this person, because I am still extremely traumatised by what happened but on the other hand I don’t want to seem rude, especially as the boys get on so well.
I have a feeling she knows the connection but I don’t intend to ask her.

How do I treat this to keep everyone happy?

I think if I were you if she invites you on a night out just say you can’t make it and perhaps then you return the invitation so you can control who is there. As you get to know her she may mention the mutual ‘friend’ and you could perhaps just say oh yes, I remember her but we aren’t really on good terms so perhaps let’s just let meet ourselves.
This situation is so difficult and I think you’re amazing for trying to find a way to navigate it, for your son’s friendship. Be kind to yourself and don’t put yourself into a position where you are with this woman after all you’ve been through.