To wonder if my DD may have ADHD?

[Mummyof287]

I've never been a fan of 'labelling kids' as I think its done far too easily nowadays, so I don't say this lightly, but I am starting to have some concerns that nearly 5yo DD MAY have ADHD for the following reasons;

• She always seems very 'intense' can be very hyperactive (has been very lively since a toddler) talks constantly and interrupts alot despite being told continually not to, is very loud both at home and when out and about.
• She is very defiant/unresponsive to instructions and tell her the same instructions several times and she either purposefully chooses not to follow them and just laughs at us, or seems completely zoned out to us asking (she does this with questions that us or other ask too) and then asks what we've said.
• She seems to forget alot of things such as rules or instructions again and again, and gets distracted VERY easily from completing basic tasks (such as it can take ages for her to just put one piece of clothing on)
• She does alot of attention seeking behaviour, including doing unkind things such as blowing raspberries right in our faces, hitting us, saying unkind things or the other day she said l to DH 'go away i don't want to see your ugly face'!
• She has a lovely bond with her baby sister but can be very boisterous or loud around her, shouting in her face, or being too rough with toys and nearly hurting her.

For context/background- she started school in September.She seems to be getting on really well- I've spoken to her teacher about the issues at home, but they don't seem to see the behaviour difficulties, just said she has to sometimes be told afew times to follow instructions as she can seem in a world of her own (nursery said this too)
Her baby sister was born in October.We prepared her the absolute best we could do for this, and they have a lovely bond although I do think she has naturally ramped the attention seeking behaviours up since and we have been more tired/stressed/busy although we do try to make an effort to spend 1-1 quality time with her.
The behaviours have definitely got worse in recent months, but have always been there.I used to think at 2/3 'she is just a lively toddler, she will settle down' but she hasn't at nearly 5 now, and I worry if/when she ever will. We feel like we are constantly shouting at/criticising/ordering her to do things and whilst there are alot of positive interactions too, it can make for a stressful atmosphere for all 4 of us, and I'm worried about the affects its having inparticular with her and DH's relationship, as they often seem at the 3nd of their tether with each other, and she rejects or is unkind to him alot (she has always been a mummy's girl) I worry she sees baby as the 'good one' (as obviously she can do no wrong and we never get cross with her) and herself as the 'bad one' who is always doing things wrong, which I really don't want as we love her so much too, and she can be so loving, funny and sweet aswell.
Me and DH will tell each other/ take her side if we think we are being unfair, but generally have mainly a united front with what we expect or tolerate from her.

We are thinking of speaking to health visitor but thought I would post on here too for any thoughts or experiences.Thanks!

Sorry I have no words of advise but this sounds exactly like my little boy who is 5. Right down to even how he is at school, his latest thing is he can’t stop swearing or saying he has swore when he actually hasn’t he has said something like foot. For context we don’t swear. Then he’s saying my belly keeps telling me to swear it’s rumbling round and I can’t make it stop. He’s really full on and intense at all times but ever so loving and again all mummy. I have thought the same about broaching it with the health visitor. So I’m interested In the replies you get. I’m at uni and I’m on full time placement and have seen as increase in his needs and intense behaviours since I have been full time. There is only me at home so working full time is really affecting him and our special time together. It’s really putting me off going full time when I qualify this year.

It sounds like she might have ADHD, but I'm not a professional, I just have ADHD myself. If she does, having a "label" can be very helpful, both for getting help and her self esteem (it gives a reason for behaviours or "flaws" that otherwise would get put down to laziness, not caring etc). There's a spectrum of behaviour from normal to definitely ADHD, it's worth pursuing assessment.

What you are saying sounds like ADHD but then if I described my now 9 year old to you when she was 4 she would have too and she really does not have ADHD. The same with my 4 yr old now. Never listens, interrupts, very easily distracted. The thing is all of these traits are very very common in young kids from age 2-6 so even if you do try to address it you will not likely get an assessment done until age 7, more likely 8 as so many kids display these traits and grow out of them as they mature. I would say hold tight for now and see how she is over the next year or 2. Maybe try approaching things with her differently to encourage listening. The interrupting thing use to drive me bonkers... my 9 year old on occasion still does it 🙄😬

Thanks everyone for your helpful replies.Just to update- I have just been to collect my daughter from school and the teacher (who is lovely) took me aside and has told me she has some concerns that DD may be showing signs of ADHD, and she has recommended we make a GP appt to try and get a referral for an assessment.Whilst it's a shock to hear our little girl may have a condition like that, and worrying what challenges may lie ahead for her socially and educationally, it is a MASSIVE weight off my shoulders that someone finally agrees that her behaviour isn't 'normal' for her age, and the hyperactivity/not listening/not sleeping/being overly emotional and oppositional isn't just to do with our parenting!

I think it will make me feel alot more understanding with her knowing it isnt just naughtiness too, and seems to be something she can't control.