To want a break from my life?

[SunnydaleHSAlumna]

On paper everything is okay. But I’m exhausted. My life is stressful, my job is stressful, but DH works more hours than me so I find myself in the position of doing basically everything when it comes to cooking, cleaning, looking after the dogs, life admin etc.

We’ve been TTC unsuccessfully and It’s taken a lot out of me.

I’m tired of being the one holding everything together all the time and being responsible for everything. I feel like everything is getting on top of me, I feel claustrophobic.

I don’t enjoy anything any more, if I try and do my hobby which I previously loved I can’t stand it. I just end up mindlessly scrolling to numb myself.

I’ve been feeling very anxious and depressed to the point where I don’t want to leave the house, although I somehow manage to force myself to get to work.

I really want to just run away for about a month or two, to just rest and just be responsible for just myself, not have to deal with anything. I wouldn’t mind still going to work to finance this. I don’t want to split up with DH but I feel like I want a break from him too.

AIBU?

It sounds like it would be a good idea to have a chat to the GP about how you are feeling tbh.

There can be underlying reasons that leave you feeling this way (thyroid issues, low iron/Vit D/B12) or it could just be that things are all getting too much and some talking therapy will help you bounce back to your old self. Not enjoying anything anymore does sound like the kind of frame of mind your GP needs to be aware of though.

I hope things feel brighter soon.

Thank you for your kind reply @PostThenGhost

I don't know how to get my GP to really listen to me. I've been a couple of times in the past and just get told everyone feels like this.

Please try and speak to a different GP. Not everyone feels like this! Maybe, if there isn’t another GP, you have to be more direct? Not easy I know when up you aren’t feeling on form, but if you feel able to say that you are feeling anxious and depressed that has to be recorded on your notes. They can’t very well sweep that away and generalise about everyone feeling like that then.
In the meantime you can self refer for some talking therapies if you feel that may help.
www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/

I felt like this before too. Sometimes I Would be driving and think it wouldn't be so bad to crash as I could have a break in hospital. A while later I realised this was a symptom of depression, for me anyway. I also felt very irritable and had an bit of a row in a shop one day; which was out of character and I felt very out of control.

Blood tests showed low B12 and iron. Now my levels are more normal I feel so much better. Life is still busy and I still get tired, but that sense of being dragged down by it all has gone away.

I really would go and see the gp again and ask for blood tests. Hope you feel better soon x

Sounds like you’re burnt out. How big is this discrepancy between the hours you work and the hours your husband works? Do you have time for your own interests and to to rest and relax properly? Does he?

It could well be something medical but if you’re the one who holds it all together and is essentially responsible for running the household on top of a stressful job then it will take its toll eventually.

@LeifSan work has always been a bit of an issue between us, he’s a bit of a workaholic and loves to work, so will put loads of extra hours in, which I find unnecessary and he doesn’t really get paid for them as such. He works in IT and sometimes picks up extra side jobs but he sometimes just does extra hours at his normal job. He doesn’t have any interests outside of his work.

I do, or used to, have interests. But I just don’t enjoy them anymore. I’ve meant to go for a swim everyday this week but I haven’t got there for one reason or another. I know it will help me to feel better but between DH, feeling depressed, or getting absorbed on my phone I just can’t get out the door.

Not sure I'd be TTC with an unsupportive workaholic who doesn't pull his weight at home, tbh.

You definitely sound depressed and burnt out. I'm shocked your gp won't listen, go to another one. You need their support. Csn you take some holiday and go away?

Agree with the previous poster, if you are struggling now, bringing a baby into this will make it so so much harder.

Can you go part-time or simplify things? Things like getting those meal delivery boxes, batch cooking, a robot vacuum.

I'm not sure trying to run away for a but will help. You can't escape how you're feeling or the thoughts in your head. But you do need to make changes. Hope you get things sorted OP