AIBU to expect ex to treat my kid like his other kid?

[Pathonegenic]

My ex has our DS 30 % of the time. He will have him 1 day a week during school hols and that’s it. With his other kid, when he was young (he separated from the mother) he would have him nearly 50% of the week, any school hols he would have him on the day after his night with him, ie if he had him every Tue and Thur overnight, then in school hols he would have him Wed day and Fri day (or arrange childcare), same if he was sick, he would be responsible for arranging care of him if it fell on one of his days. He also had him 2 full weeks in summer hols and 1 full week in Easter hols.

I don’t want him to have my DS more than 30% but it really narks me off that majority of school hols falls to me, if he’s ill it falls to me. My ex seems to think his job/life is more important than mine is (I work 2 days a week but also completing a full time degree at home). Also really really narks me off how he was completely different with his first son (he’s in Uni now, so he no longer has him like that) surely he can see that he’s completely different with our son then with his older son?!

Anyone else been in a similar position? Friends say I should speak to him about it, but what’s the point? I shouldn’t have to force him to step up and be a better dad for his son!

It does sound like you want it both ways.

You say you don't want him to have him more than 30% of the time, but are also saying - when it suits you - you do want him to have him more.

No point in comparing what happened with his older child though. That was then, this is now. Circumstances are different.

I’m confused you say you don’t want him to have him more but then are annoyed he doesn’t?

you need to make your mind up about what you want and push for it.

I don’t want him having my DS more overnights, what I want is for him to not think he’s just a after school to morning dad.

And if we counter in that I do majority of school hols and sick days, it would be less than 30% that he has him.

Maybe he senses you don’t want him to have him more so is respecting that, or you want him to have his other kid less to make you feel better?

Arrange a proper agreement. Ex has dc 2 days a week you work (and does overnights) and one day plus night at weekend. If child is sick or off school those days ex covers them

@RedCandyApple I’ve mentioned it a few times in the past so I don’t think it’s that. His other child is an adult now, so it’s not that.

@Hankunamatata I think I need to at some point. He is both our son, therefore both our responsibility. When we split I asked when he wanted to see our son and he was the one who said the nights which equals to 30%. Just really surprises me that he went out of his way to see his eldest as much as possible, yet it’s the opposite with mine. Never taken him on holiday, never asks to see him extra etc
I have always been onside of dads and their rights, so it does shock me how he just does the bare minimum and that’s that.