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in expecting Domestic Violence NOT to increase just because its Christmas?

14 replies

CrappyNewYear · 01/01/2008 11:37

My DH pushed me down the stairs on Christmas Eve because I wouldnt persuade his sister to stay after he had just verbally abused her while drunk. Covered in bruises and my leg is cut and bruised and still not right a week later. Was feeling very alone until I looked on here and found a number of other posts from others who experienced something similar. He is back at work today and I feel so sad. He has spent christmas trying to make it up to me but it is not the first time - he has hit me twice before and he said some terrible things to me like he wished I was dead. Woke up feeling really positive this morning with it being New Year but just feel like crap now.

Would very much like to understand what it is about Christmas that causes this sort of thing to escalate. Any thoughts anyone?

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 01/01/2008 11:39

I gather it's common. Pregnancy is another time when violent and abusive men often get worse too apparently.womens aid


WideWebWitch · 01/01/2008 11:41

But it's highly unlikely he'll change. HE is the one in the wrong.


dooley1 · 01/01/2008 11:43

I guess Christmas is when people have too much to drink, people get cabin fever being cooped up for days with family...

but none of that is any excuse.


pinetreedog · 01/01/2008 11:47

get in touch with women's aid and talk this through properly, NY. You owe it to yourself.


motherhurdicure · 01/01/2008 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Judy1234 · 01/01/2008 11:58

Say you will stay if he gives up drink. Then go with him to AA and his GP, remove all drink from the house, you give it up too, send him for a residential alcohol de tox too if necessary etc etc


Reallytired · 01/01/2008 12:40

I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

Violent relationships happen to women of all levels of intelligence, social class and all walks of life. Abusive behaviour also errodes someone's self worth and makes it harder to get out of a relationship.

It would help you to talk to women aid and get support from those who understand. Its vital to avoid unhelpful people who tell women who have suffered violence more than once that they are stupid. All such comments do is reduce the woman's self worth even further.

I was in a violent relationship when I was 19. It took me years to recover. I had a severe bout of depresssion about 14 years afterwards when my son was born. Thankfully I did not have complexity of having children 19 years ago. I now have a loving husband and son.

I hope you have a better new year.


mumeeee · 01/01/2008 13:41

Sory taht you are suffering in this way. Try and talk to womans aid and also ask him to go to AA and go with him.


Nightynight · 01/01/2008 13:42

Sorry to read your post, CNY.
as someone else said, there are many of us who have escaped violent relationships, or relationships with men who seem to hate us. Please keep talking, it isn't right that you get pushed down the stairs. There really is no excuse, including extra stress at christmas.


dizietsma · 01/01/2008 15:36

Stepmother is a lawyer. She says post xmas is the busy season- lots of wills to process (it's common for people to hang on just long enough for one last xmas), and lots of divorces

My personal experience of growing up with DV is that xmas is often the very worst time of year. Lots of high stress situations- big meal to cook, lots of money spent, relatives/friends in front of whom bullying must be kept to minimum, lots of alcohol, kids getting over excitable etc, etc.

I remember the year "Mistletoe and Wine" by Cliff Richard was released, I was watching the xmas charts whilst DV was going on at the other end of the house. I turned up the volume when it got to the bit about a "a time for loving, not for fighting" (or whatever the lyric is) in the vain hope that mum and stepdad might listen. Obviously they didn't! My stepdad died before my mother could come to her senses and kick the fucker out. It doesn't need to be that way for you. Leave him now, you don't deserve this and if you can't leave for you then perhaps you can prioritise your kids welfare, they are suffering terribly I can assure you.


Fingerbobs · 01/01/2008 16:10

Really sorry to hear you're going through this. My ex-husband used often to pick family occasions to get completely smashed and abusive - I've no idea why and frankly I no longer have to care.

You deserve better than this, you truly do. I hope you can find the support you need to make sure that you get better than this, whether it's from him or from someone else. Good luck.


PoinsettiaBouquets · 01/01/2008 16:24

Christmas is a time when people come to the end of their tether because their life is so far removed from the Christmas fantasy. This doesn't mean they face up to their problems unfortunately, just that they are more likely to do something extreme.
Your OH has serious problems and hurting you is a diversion tactic, distracting you when he is feeling most vulnerable and avoiding confronting what is actually making him so unhappy. It also probably gives him a temporary feeling of invulnerability.
He won't stop being violent while he is still drinking because that is another distraction.


Elasticwoman · 01/01/2008 16:25

Would like to second Xenia's advice (agree to stay ONLY if he gets help for alcoholism) and those who recommended Women's Aid. Also agree with others who say put your children's safety and well being first. No child should live with DV.

Lots of love, CNY. Let us know how you get on.


AbbeyA · 01/01/2008 16:37

I agree with Elasticwoman, no one should put up with DV. I have been appalled by some of the stories on this site. People (not just men)seem to be allowed to get away with terrible behaviour (if it is through alcohol they need to recognise it and get help). Hitting anyone-for any reason is unacceptable -end of story-DO NOT stay in that situation,especially with children. Seek help, CBA -women's refuge but don't put up with it.We are in 21st century not the dark ages.

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