Completely burnt out

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Hello

I’m posting on this mainly for traffic and as I don’t know what else to do

I’m an NHS ITU nurse, and have been 18 months and worked through covid and. My work is actually ok at the moment and I’ve just started Annual Leave. However, I think it being ok (as in normal safe staffing/not crisis levels) is highlighting how burnt out / depressed I am.

I am exhausted, numb and have a completely erratic sleeping, eating etc cycle

I’m due to go home to see family for a few days and then come back.

Earlier I had to clean my kitchen after 3 days of dishes etc had built up and it made me feel incredibly depressed despite being very minor.

The first six months of my career were the worst months of my life, due to my workplace. I changed jobs and moved to a different part of the UK and it is better, so much better and I am happier but tbh I think I have some form of PTSD/ depression. I can still recount entire shifts during the pandemic where we stuck in dangerous situations trying to keep our patients alive in a unit acting as an ICU with no staff. So many relatives were saying their final goodbyes via phone call. And now, in a temporary lull we are facing hell from patients and families who aren’t happy with what they are getting due to the constraints of the system.

I also watched this is going to hurt and it was fantastic and true to life but hasn’t helped my mental health.

Thanks for reading, I think I just needed to get it all out .

X

Thank you for your work.

Do your employers provide any sort of de-stressing/de-briefing counselling? Sounds like you desperately need to do a brain dump.

YADNBU

I just wanted to support you by emphasising that! You've been through a hell lots of people can't imagine (or won't imagine, because it suits them). I sincerely hope you get the caring support you've given so many others, and heal very soon. Sending you warm wishes

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I cant imagine the stress and anxiety you have been through over the past 2 years. Hospital staff the world over are angels. Thank you for the support you have given your patients.

Perhaps its something like ptsd? Speak to your gp or staff nurse about support services for you x

Bump because OP hugely deserves it and I hope she gets more responses, perhaps from people who can suggest resources or pathways for her mental health

Another bump for you
The dedication and service of NHS staff since the pandemic hit us ha bene extraordinary and something I have often thought would have been beyond me
Right now I am certain you are not at all alone in the feelings you have and the mindsets you occupy.
Although I don’t know how good it will be int ears do easy access I would also echo PP’s recommendations about seeking to access employer welfare and support services
Ask your GP for talking changes referral the list is long well was in my experience but worth it.

Do you have friends and family that could support you with things like perhaps some meal prep and housework with your work patterns?

Sorry you are so low and keep posting as many of us have bene there

I'm the same OP. I've worked all through sometimes 18 hour days trying to keep our company afloat. Obviously not nhs but the end result is the same. For me now it seems theres light at the end of the tunnel has meant I can finally breathe which has taken the pressure off so I can see the harm that's been done to me which doesn't compare to people in your situation. I've gone off sick as I need to shut down and to be numb. I have been put on anti depressants which are helping. Ask for and take help.

Your employer will have an Employee Support phoneline. I've used the service before when I was very depressed and a front line police officer. They were wonderful - I can't recommend these services enough. Its definitely the place to start to talk about things and especially about how you are feeling.

The first time I called one of these services, I think I sobbed down the phone for the best part of two hours. I've no idea how the lady understood anything I said. I then had a follow up / assessment call with a Dr who encouraged me to see my GP and referred my for a long course of F2F therapy and CBT. It really did help, but I find therapy absolutely exhausting and usually need to sleep after a session so had to try to book them in my days off. I still wish I'd agreed to be signed off for a few months and recovered, but I was too stubborn and ashamed so went to work and hid in cupboards to cry and prayed no one would find out.

It's that first step that feels weird and difficult, but it's worth it.

I too am burnt out, fed up and now looking for any job outside the nhs.

I was given the below details to call. I admit I haven't yet.

I fed up of relatives shouting at me. Fed up of every shift being moved to other wards I have never worked on , leaving my own area short staffed. Im now in trouble for refusing and putting the safeguarding of my own patients before anything else.

I work on a dementia ward. We have been hit hard on every single wave.
The day I qualified (dec 2020) our ward was a covid assessment ward/mini hdu.
I spent more time crying as felt so out of my depth.
Wish I was still a hca

OP, I'm NHS too and I've been there (still recovering but back at work).

What I learned from my own, eventual, breakdown was that my priority is not to the patients, their families, my colleagues, my Manager, The Leadership team, the CCG, the current Health Secretary or anyone else for that matter.

I am my priority. Because if I don't recognise my own needs and ensure they are being met I cannot be expected to prioritise others and do the kind of work I want to. It's just not possible, as you yourself now know.

As the saying goes, if you want to survive and help others, you don't first put an oxygen mask on someone else when the plane is going down.

I really hope your Manager can help you access any support available.
And I wouldn't use annual leave to treat burn out, either. I'd be reporting sick.
Good luck, rest and recover.

You can also offload to your hospital chaplain - its what they’re there for, and they wont mention religion unless, say, you ask for a prayer

Thanks everyone

This morning I had a positive lateral flow test so think covid delirium didn’t help. However my symptoms are incredibly mild, very reduced sense of smell, everything tastes like sweet metal and voice slightly lost.

I rang hopeline 19 which is nice messages from the public

Due to covid I’ll be having some compulsory rest and getting the house in order days which is probably a good thing

I did previously ring my GP and start sertraline but the side effects made me too unwell to work which made everything worse.

Thanks again, it means so much x

@SilverHairedCat thanks this is all v helpful x

@drinkingwineoutofamug

bless you, I got moved the other day to an MOE/rehab ward and was the second RN for 30 patients. As an ITU nurse this was way out of my comfort zone. We have all been and continue to be in such difficult times.

I hope times get better for you x

@PollyGray

Thanks x

I have nothing useful to add but wanted to say a big THANK YOU for all you've done. I'm so sorry this horrible pandemic and the way it's been handled has had that effect on you.

I agree that you have to make yourself the priority now.
Lots of OP

You said you started annual leave, and now you’ve tested positive for covid, make sure you get your annual leave back. You’ll get no benefit from it, stuck in isolation.
Look after yourself, I got terrible flashbacks when I had covid. It does sound like you have ptsd/ depression. There are counselling services out there. Perhaps you need some time for counselling, get a good sleep pattern back, eat well, exercise all so that you can continue to care for patients.
you’ve been amazing looking after others, now time to look after you.

It's always worse after. You are being forced to slow. You have time to process and think. Your nhs trust should have staff hub - there are support groups, counselling even just mental well being groups doing yoga. Time to invest in you and TLC.

Dont be afraid to self cert for a month. But most importantly talk to people who understand. Cbt can really help with ptsd

The most unpleasant managers I've ever had have been nurses in the NHS and some patient family members can be absolutely vile.

Take time out. As much as you can get away with.

Thanks everyone x