No physical side of relationship

[SurreyFlurry92]

I have been with my partner for 5 years, we have an amazing connection. In the beginning our sex life was great, we both had a high sex drive but within a few months I quickly put on 3 stone due to being in a happy bubble of staying in and having takeaways and I stopped wanting to be intimate due to feeling insecure. I lost the weight and tried to get things back on track but things never reignited. He has been a great partner, support and is a wonderful person but I am embarrassed by our lack of physical intimacy. We hug, kiss, spoon etc but never anything more. I suspect that he has low testosterone and raised this recently, he doesn’t seem to want to get it checked out.

I know he isn’t cheating and probably isn’t gay but has anyone else experienced this? We both talk about having children one day and every time I ask him how he thinks this will happen?

I know I must sound naïve but I hope you have some advice.

Do NOT waste your youth and fertility on this man. If he cared about you and actually cared about having children, he would make the effort to get whatever his issue is sorted. He doesn't care that you are going without sex. He's selfish and that will never change. Run for your life.

Do not waste your fertile years.
He is obviously happy as it is, so won’t change.

…or, after 5 years in a relationship maybe sex can be a “sometimes” thing rather than an “all the time” thing? I think PP is a bit quick to suggest moving on!

Have you had an open conversation with your partner about how much sex you would like to have, and how lack of sex is making you feel? I’d start there!

Thank you for your advice! ‘Uptomyelbows..’ that is a great idea thank you for your help x

How long was it between you gaining weight and going off sex and then you wanting to get it back and him not responding?

You were the one who took it out of the equation so depending on how long that was going on he might just have disconnected from it.

You’re still connecting with hugs and stuff so it’s not dead but it sounds like he doesn’t see you in a sex eat anymore. Possibly because you changed the terms of your arrangement. And quite early on in the relationship.

Having said that, I wouldn’t have stayed with someone who didn’t want sex a few months in so as he did maybe it wasn’t as high a priority for him as you thought.

Take babies off the table till you can sort out your communication issues. Even if you could do it once, get lucky and conceive straight away you don’t sound like you want a celibate future so make sure the relationship is sound, open and honest before commuting further.

Yeah. We’re kind of the same. Been together 20 years. Love each other loads. But hardly ever have sex. DH is a wonderful husband and father. And the best life partner. But neither of us seems that interested in sex

I think you need to sit down and talk this through. Be honest with each other and say what you want and need.

I was in a relationship where sex was good in the beginning, then after a while became none existent. We both assumed each other had a low sex drive, or never wanted sex. The reality was that we both wanted it but didn't initiate anything because we thought the other didn't want it.

Every other aspect of the relationship was great, but after years and years of silent assuming and guessing it ruined what we had. If only we'd have communicated early on and just said what we wanted.

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your comments. ‘Sosop’ this might be the case - we could both be thinking the same about each other!

I will have a frank and open conversation tonight and see how it goes…