Cricket widow....

[Needanewhobby2022]

I'm thinking the issue is mine and I probably know the answer to AIBU - but is there any other cricket widows out there. It is so lovely that hubby has a hobby and has friends (during the spring and summer months anyway), but it slightly grates on my nerves. When both of us work all week, I look forward to the weekends, spending quality time together, etc. But from May until October he will be unavailable most Sundays. He leaves the house just before midday and doesn't come back until about 9.30pm/10.00pm. The things I find slightly annoying is we have a daughter that needs ferrying around here and there (she has a little job on a Sunday), and two dogs which need walking, which means I can't go off and entertain myself with my own hobby as the dogs can't be left for more than a few hours. I feel a little like he goes off on a jolly every weekend in the nicer weather months and I get stuck with household responsibilities

AIBU?

Well he needs to go every other week then, doesn't he? Or every third week, so that you get "his Sunday", "your Sunday" and "together Sunday".

Adults with dependent children, dogs and household responsibilities don't get to have a whole day to themselves every week. That would mean that another adult would have to do everything, which would be ridiculous. It would breed resentment within a relationship, wouldn't it?

Stern words time, OP.

I was a shooting widow so I feel for you. A lot of the men he shot with were divorced or getting divorced or their wives learned to shoot. Shooting for a lot of them was Thursday night, all day sat and Sunday. Then they tell you how each of the 50-75 clays they shot broke, why it was missed, how they can improve, how being born left eye dominant was monstrously unfair, how the teen releasing the clays wasn’t as good as last weeks teen in a trap house, how the new addition to the guns working out…..

I made sure one weekend day was joint activities I wanted to do with him, I still felt neglected but he was happy & he misses it now he can’t go.

I'm a golf widow - but I knew what I was getting into! 😂

Does your DD definitely need ferrying around to her job? Can she not arrange her own transport?

If you can't leave the dogs for a few hours, does that not leave you a couple of hours to spend doing what you want? Or perhaps an outdoor hobby appeals? Some nice dog friendly walks on a sunny Sunday could be lovely.

I am, however my DH plays Saturdays and before he goes to cricket at lunchtime he gives me the morning to myself and takes the kids out and usually makes lunch for us before he goes. And we always keep Sundays free just to spend as a family. So I don't resent him having 1 afternoon/evening a week to enjoy his hobby as he works hard all week.

Could he take the dogs? And teach your dd to drive?

If it’s only Sunday then you do whatever you want on Saturday and he does the dogs and running the daughter about . My dad played cricket every weekend when we were children , we all went along to watch / play with the other kids , it’s left me with a lifelong love of the sport .

DH did one season when our DDs are little. He then said he wasn't playing again until they were teenagers. Our younger DD is looking forward to Dynamos again this Summer.

I completely agree. My H is the same. You wait until they ask you to do teas… 🙄

When the fixture list comes out we sit down and decide how many he he will play, how many days I get ‘off’ in lieu and how we’re going to balance ‘family time’ (I hate that term, it’s lame, but it’s useful). It keeps my resentment to a minimum.

My husband has stopped playing now, but I used to love it.
Most of the players were married, and we were all friends - the wives would come along and we would have a good catch up, and a glass of wine .. all the kids would spend the day playing together .. it was lovely
I miss those days

Oh god I relate to this! My kids are much younger (preschool/primary age) but I absolutely loathe cricket season. For us it’s a Saturday and it’s ALL day as he’s captain. Some of his away games are 1hr+ drive away and as he’s captain he has to be there early, organise the teas, clean up the dressing room, etc. and there’s always a pint or two after the match in the club house. It means we lose one whole day as a family a week. I hate it but it’s his “thing.” I did make him give it up when the kids were still in nappies but now I can’t bear the misery when he can’t play so go along with it. I feel your pain.

I was a cricket orphan and for a while a cricket widow. However the wives rebelled and either took the kids to the cricket matches (long summers playing long jump on the outfield or bike riding and drinking Coke in the pub after) - as a cricket widow it only ever bothered me if he put cricket over doing something like going on holiday or to a wedding or family bbq or being invited somewhere else nice for the weekend. Which he did…so we split up!

Could you start sometimes popping down to the club when they’re playing at home, watching a bit and having some wines then getting him to drive home? Take a book and enjoy the nice weather even, take the dogs? Depends if it’s like a nice modern cricket club or a smaller one where there’s not much in the way of a clubhouse etc? The one near us is a lovely setting and does nice food on Match days, people come down to watch and get lunch and a few drinks! Dd needs to learn to get at least one way to work by herself! If she’s old enough to work she is old enough for a bus. And can you not leave the dogs at least for three or four hours to go and have coffee with a friend or whatever? It does sound like dh needs some boundaries, cricket doesn’t end at 10pm, he’s in the club having a few pints isn’t he, which doesn’t need to happen every week. Get a few weekends booked in in advance so the team know he can’t play those, and make firm plans to go away, dd can get herself to work and you could get a dog sitter in?