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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think she has just used me?

25 replies

IcyWinterWonderland · 09/02/2022 20:04

Hi everyone
Over the last year, I spent a lot of time with a girl from university. We clicked instantly and got along very well. Her and I went shopping together, cooked together, spent time at each others' houses, and went on day trips together. I thought we were good friends.
I was aware that she was studying for an English exam. English is not her native language. I understood it was quite important for her to pass this exam for work in the future. Her and I always spoke in English which would have of course helped her improve her language skills.

After she passed the exam, she contacted me less. I tried to arrange meeting up as we usually did, but she always had an excuse and appeared very disinterested. There was just a real change in the tone of her messages. I eventually realised she had broken the friendship off.

AIBU to think she has just used me for English practice to pass the exam?

OP posts:

CareBear50 · 09/02/2022 20:28

She sounds like a real user OP. You were v v kind.

What a nasty woman.

ilovemybeachhut · 09/02/2022 20:51

Best put this one down to experience but at least you had some good times together, she hasn't gone about it in the right way though in finishing the friendship.

WonderfulYou · 09/02/2022 20:51

I doubt she used you to just practice the language as she could have done this with anyone.
She would also stay in contact with you even if it’s very minimal.

More likely something has happened which means she’s less available or you’ve five something to upset her.

Catflapkitkat · 09/02/2022 21:01

I don't see how she used you - she could have joined any 10 a penny social group at University. It seemed like you had a genuine friendship. It's strange that she has gone cold - could you think of anything that may have caused this?

Theblacksheepandme · 09/02/2022 21:06

OP I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You sound like you were a really good friend and it can really hurt when this happens. Sometimes things like this can knock us sideways because we don't expect it. I wouldn't bother with her anymore as she clearly used you. It will take time to get over the hurt but it will happen.

Arabellla · 09/02/2022 21:06

I don’t think she used you, it’s not like you did her coursework, you just talked as friends.

Friendships fizzle our all the time.

Lifeslooser · 09/02/2022 21:08

I don’t think she used you, sounds like a good friendship that just run it’s course, happens all the time

Onlyforcake · 09/02/2022 21:10

Do you teach ESOL? Because most native speakers of a language would be completely Ill equipped to improve someone's language skills. Chances are (since uni and exam) that she has a job and is now quite busy etc.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 09/02/2022 21:12

Is there anything else that happened that you can think of?

BoredZelda · 09/02/2022 21:46

Chances are (since uni and exam) that she has a job and is now quite busy etc.

Sounds like it, doesn’t it.

Comedycook · 09/02/2022 21:48

It seems like an awful lot of effort just to practice her English...I doubt she used you for that.

People are odd sometimes or have their own shit going on...I wouldn't take it personally

AKASammyScrounge · 09/02/2022 23:16

You had good times with her. Don't let the memories go sour - she certainly liked your company and enjoyed herself. She wouldn't have spent so much time with you for a little English practice!

Bilboard · 10/02/2022 01:54

I don't think she used you. She could have practiced/ learnt English in many different ways and with many different people, by listening to the radio/tv, online, talking to other friends, neighbours, at the shops, sorting out living arrangments, travelling in and out of places, at the doctors, at work, school....literally any time she interacted with someone.
As a previous poster said, unless you are a qualified ESOL teacher and were doing English homework every time you met her I can't see how she used you
Life happens and friendships change. Sounds like you had a great friendship though and who knows, maybe one day you might rekindle your friendship with her.

Original poster

IcyWinterWonderland · 11/02/2022 17:47

@Onlyforcake No, I don't but I am a native English speaker in a country were there are not so many native English speakers

OP posts:

Original poster

IcyWinterWonderland · 11/02/2022 17:48

@Letsallscreamatthesistene not that I can think of

OP posts:

gettingolderandgrumpy · 11/02/2022 18:17

I don’t think she used you to practice English, you were company while she was on her course now she’s finished she doesn’t need to be friends with you now so yes in the sense a user .

AdhdFridaysss · 11/02/2022 18:36

Were you her only English speaking friend? If so then maybe I guess.

Some people are not very nice. Don't let it colour your view of future friendships.

AdhdFridaysss · 11/02/2022 18:37

Could also be that she thought you had a crush on her and she didn't want to reciprocate or lead you on. Either way, I'd try to let it go.

Original poster

IcyWinterWonderland · 11/02/2022 18:44

@AdhdFridaysss Yes, I was her only English speaking friend. As for having a crush on her, nope!

OP posts:

Original poster

IcyWinterWonderland · 11/02/2022 18:46

native English friend that should have said

OP posts:

CurryLover55 · 11/02/2022 18:49

Sorry to say but “ Her & I” isn’t correct English

tara66 · 11/02/2022 19:14

Used you for your English you say? - But you have ''her and I'' x 2 in the 10 lines of your OP - how much English did she learn from you do you think? What is the level of your English Grammar and/or Eng. Lit.?

Original poster

IcyWinterWonderland · 11/02/2022 19:23

I meant she used me for speaking practice and learning new words

OP posts:

SmallElephants · 11/02/2022 19:39

Let’s not pile on op’s grammar and spelling she doesn’t live in an English speaking country so it’s surprisingly easy to become rusty and develop errors.

5YearsLeft · 11/02/2022 19:51

OP - I think it might be difficult for you to get an answer to this as the fact that native English speakers are rare where you are is one of the most important facts in determining this, and should have been in the OP (I’m not judging as I know it’s quite difficult to know what to include, and what not to!) But as you can see, some posters are assuming (understandably) that she could have joined any group at university to practice her English, which isn’t the case, or that she could have been friends with anyone, which also isn’t the case, or that she could pick up English from neighbors or in shops, which isn’t the case. So yes, adding that fact renders a lot of the comments moot, and makes it more likely that she might have been using you. While it is still possible that something else happened in the friendship, you’ll only know if you ask her, and I suppose only you know if it’s worth that conversation. Regardless, I’m sorry that it appears your friendship has tailed off and that’s hurt your feelings. I’m sure it was nice to have someone who wanted to speak English with you if native English speakers are rare and that it’s hard to suddenly lose a friend.

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