To feel like I'm failing at everything

[scaredsadandstuck]

Just that. Tipped over the edge by the overweight children thread (one of the many areas I'm fucking up) and an update from my son's school ski trip where despite doing the same lessons as everyone else before they went he's spent the week in a lower ability group to literally all his friends (he's not the fat one).

I'm failing my kids because I'm so miserable in my marriage. I'm weighed down by this sadness that's taking all my energy. I finally spoke to my husband a few weeks ago but we're not much further forward. I have a vision of a life where I am myself again - motivated, proactive, properly parenting and doing the best for my kids. But actually getting there feels impossible.

I hate myself. I know how pathetic and self pitying this all sounds. I know I should just pull myself together and get a grip. I know what I need to do I just can't.

I've no idea what I'm hoping for TBH.

It's a massive leap to go from miserable to motivated, but maybe start by taking some small steps. The motivation will increase, you will see what good it is doing and this should inspire you to take more small steps.

Don't set yourself up to fail, break it down into the smallest tasks you possibly can.

I feel a lot of things you feel right now too so I know how hard it feels to get your head back above water, but it's not impossible. It might just take longer than you hope 💜

It's so hard to be there for others when you feel like that. I'm sure you are not actually failing at everything. Having the money for a ski trip sounds impressive to me!! When feeling crap it's easy to focus on the things that are going badly or you feel insecure or inadequate about.
What is the source of your sadness???

Yes very good point about him being able to go on the trip. I know lots wouldn't. Although it's been paid for gradually over almost a year.

In my head the problem is I feel I am trapped in an unhappy marriage. I imagine myself being 'me' again if i could get out of it. I realise that could be very optimistic.

Baby steps and please be kind to yourself! I know it sounds trite but it’s really important, when you talk so badly to yourself you will just spiral into a shame pit of despair. It’s easier said than done, I know, when this is what you’re accustomed to.

Do you still share living space with you H?

I am finally separated from my STBX husband and I feel like you do. Any I do not have any young kids to worry about. The worry and stress of the marriage feels all consuming, doesn't it ? I felt I has nothing extra to give as I could barely make it through the day . But it does get a better. Only now able to deal with and focus on other things. And I still have bad days where I feel I am slipping up again. Women are so hard on themselves, give yourself credit for all that you are achieving .
Luckily , unless your DS wants to be a ski instructor, his ability on the slopes won't affect his future !

And have you read about gut bacteria and how they are now implicated in weight gain and bad cravings/addictive eating habits. And cancer too.

There’s a lot of stuff on youtube and pubmed and mainstream science blogs about this.

A lot of carbs are not healthy as they mess with insulin response over time, people are curing type 2 diabetes by going low carb.

But I think it’s tragic how judgy society and MN are about weight issues and addictions in general. I was told it’s pathetic when mentioned the recent scientific knowledge in this field. There’s a lot of corruption going on in nutritional data science, btw. Fat doesn’t make you fat, for example, our brain is mostly cholesterol.

Sorry, I completely went off piste with my autistic nonsense!

Oh yes - were still basically completely 100% together. I'm just desperately unhappy.

Ha @Stillfunny - I know and I appreciate moaning about a ski trip is an extreme 1st world problem. However, I could have easily found other examples of my DS falling behind peers where I feel my lack of good parenting has contributed (this isn't about being some kind of pushy mum either - I'm really not).

Aww OP. You’re not failing them. You sound like a great mum

I'm surprised no one has asked yet if you're on anti depressants OP. Sounds like you might need them. Have you actually spoken to anyone about how down you're feeling? If not, may I suggest you go and talk with your GP? Since I was 23 I have suffered from everything from low mood to deep depression, and was on and off anti depressants for years. I'm now on them pretty much permanently, and what a difference it's made, even when things are really shit these days, I can cope, so it may be that this is part of your problem and not just that you aren't happy in your marriage?? Go talk to your GP, it can't do any harm.

You sound like you're striving to do your best in difficult circumstances and that's not failing. You may well be excessively stressed or even depressed. You need to be kind to yourself and using your vision of the future spend time planning what steps will take you where you want to be. Then decide the first step to change. All of this is not easy but better than being stuck and unhappy. Try to rest as everything seems muddled and overwhelming when you're tired and it's hard to think straight. I hope life gets better for you. Take care.

Yep been there done that on anti depressants. I'm not taking them now - I need to feel these feelings as I've spent the past 5 years not giving a shit and that's how I've ended up where I am now. I need to care, even if it's really painful. I need to not cover it up any more.