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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to cancel the order?

38 replies

indiesearcher · 09/02/2022 18:24

DS, 8, has just pounced on me asking if I'd ordered 'the books' yet following a virtual meet the author session they had at school today. DS was insistent we buy the whole set ' because it's only £45'!

Having missed the email about the orders last week I went online, and offered to buy DS one of the books in the series of 7.

He stomped off in a huff. Now, encouraging DS to read is a job in itself so having found something he likes - which is historically orientated too - so I was keen to support.

Then he returned to me, an hour later to see if I'd ordered the set yet. I explained that actually the author had a good offer on 3 books for the price of 2, so instead of 1 I had ordered 3. Cue more stomping and huffing.

WIBU to cancel the whole lot so when his classmates get their books in school next week he is taught a lesson in graciousness? Or is 8 too young for that?

Thought much appreciated.

OP posts:
CardRoomGreen · 09/02/2022 18:28

It's a bit young but you could work together to make a list of other things that would cost that much and see him choose between eg porridge for dinner for a week or cold showers
Wink

LizzieMacQueen · 09/02/2022 18:32

Was it your mistake in missing an email from school? That would influence my decision.

22Giraffes · 09/02/2022 18:37

If i could afford it I would buy the whole set. The kids are probably talking about them at school especially with buzz of them having met the author. You say it's a hard job to get him to read so if he's showing interest in these books it could be win win for both of you.

I am not for a second saying kids should get everything they want but in this case that is what I'd do.

Original poster
indiesearcher · 09/02/2022 18:40

I don't have a spare £45 for 7 books... our kids don't want for anything but I'm not spending £45 on books that will most likely gather dust on his shelves.

I just think his attitude is really poor. No manners, no please, just orders and ungratefulness.

I did miss the email (we've all had covid last week), but I wasn't too late to order. The books are being delivered to school next week.

OP posts:
negomi90 · 09/02/2022 18:42

Did you say you would previously? If yes I would definately get the books.
If you haven't said you would, then I'd have a conversation about why he wants all of them, what about 1 at a time (with a promise that you'll order the next when he's halfway through the one before, so the next is always waiting) and about why he's not behaving well.
Or I'd just buy them, long term, love of reading is a bigger gain than a fight about gratitude. There will plenty of opportunities to have gratitude behaviour fights over other things, without linking something you want him to like with a lecture.

Cloudsarebright · 09/02/2022 18:43

I would find them in a library and take him to borrow them as soon as convenient to do so. Reading is good and I wouldn’t limit access but understanding money is important too.

unicornsarereal72 · 09/02/2022 18:43

Nope. My daughter has a lesson in being grateful when I explained that I couldn't afford something she wanted this month because the car has cost £400 in repairs. Apparently that was optional she is nine. And I regularly seem to ha e to explain to her I have to budget as there is only me providing for them both.

I get it she is just a kids but it does wear me down.

LadySlipper · 09/02/2022 18:45

I wouldn't cancel the order. I'd get the three and see how he gets on with them, and order the next three when he finishes the first.

Original poster
indiesearcher · 09/02/2022 18:45

Interesting mix of opinions.

I sometimes think I expect too much of my 8yo.

But I also think getting the whole set is as much about showing off to his pals as it is 'the love of reading'.

I thought 3 was a great offer. Ungrateful sausage.

OP posts:
foobio · 09/02/2022 18:46

Phone your local library and they can order them in (if not already in stock). With 7 to choose from hopefully you'll have one in time for the school delivery and can swap for the next one as and when it's been read.

Original poster
indiesearcher · 09/02/2022 18:46

And nope I hadn't promised him anything. The visit/order form passed me by a bit as we've all been ill.

OP posts:
Suzanne999 · 09/02/2022 18:48

I’d say 3 books and be grateful for them. If he wants the other 4 he can do chores to buy them himself. I don’t do stroppy children 😊

FiveGoMadInDorset · 09/02/2022 18:52

Who is the author?

StoneofDestiny · 09/02/2022 18:56

Crikey - just buy the first 3 to see he actually reads them. Seems a lot to pay. Can you get them second hand on line - lots of cheap book sites. Can he arrange to share with other children. I'm guessing the school library will get a set - can he borrow them? Has your local library got them.

girlmom21 · 09/02/2022 19:00

Tell him when he's read the first 3 you'll order the 4th then the 5th etc surely?

Money spent on books isn't wasted money if they're read.

Susu49 · 09/02/2022 19:01

I agree buy a couple and see how he gets on. I wouldn't cancel the order but would tell him off / give him a lecture about manners/gratitude.

Marmm · 09/02/2022 19:02

Just get the one or 3 and then add to them once he's read them if he actually does. I can't believe there are going to be any in the class who pay £45 for all of them

billy1966 · 09/02/2022 19:04

He's not to young to learn graciousness at all.

Stomping off would get you nothing in this house.

I was buying books on a weekly basis but then my eldest was reading two books a week so we got a library membership and never looked back.

Frazzled50yrold · 09/02/2022 19:10

If it's a well known author you could request them through your local freecycle Facebook page or look at sites like world of books.He can only read one at a time so he doesn't need them all sitting there straightaway.

Tyrozet · 09/02/2022 19:11

If he doesn't usually read I'd have started with just one of them to make sure it wasn't just hype over meeting the author etc.
If he gets through that and wants to keep going then great - he could try the library or save pocket money to buy the rest.

I've always been a bookworm - when I was younger I got books from the library or with pocket money/ as gifts for birthdays/Christmas. Books are not cheap and he would need to be making apologies and showing a change in attitude or I would absolutely cancel the lot!

Wonmoretime · 09/02/2022 19:13

I’m with Previous posters. He’s got the first 3 to be going on with if/when he’s done with them buy the next ones, or borrow from a library.

ExplodingCarrots · 09/02/2022 19:17

Stomping and huffing gets nothing in my house. My DD is also 8 and I believe is well old enough to understand being grateful and not acting like a brat. I'm surprised at some
Of the responses here. So he stomps his feet and gets rewarded still ? I would cancel the order and tell him he needs to do little chores to earn the books .

Original poster
indiesearcher · 09/02/2022 19:59

That's where I was if I'm honest @ExplodingCarrots

OP posts:
TheSmallAssassin · 09/02/2022 20:07

Are the books any good? I got very cross when my kids' school had an author visit from some local, self published bloke, the books were so badly written, but loads of the kids got swept up in it and wanted the collection. I think it is really awful to dole out order forms, it's basically a free promotion event for the author with an easily swayed, captive audience. I didn't buy any and put a complaint in!

girlmom21 · 09/02/2022 20:07

I don't think cancelling a book order is a sensible approach. If he wants to read you should encourage it IMO.