Sick of husband's moods and grumpiness!!!!

[unfeelingwife]

This is going to make me sound really bad, but I'm fucking done with my husband's moods and grumpy behaviour at the moment.

We've both got a lot on. And he's basically a grumpy bastard because he occasionally changes a fucking nappy as well as working very hard in his job.

I think he thinks he should bare pretty much no child rearing responsibilities as a man. Yesterday he, god forbid, had to take our DS to nursery and pick him up again and then sort dinner - shock horror. While he actually had a day off and I was at work all day.

All too much for him. I'm constantly finding him with his head buried in his hands and rubbing his eyebrows sighing. His entire demeanour is so off. I know I should have compassion, but it enrages me when I see his body language. He literally just sits with his head in his hands, a lot.

Apparently it's hard on him because I'm heavily pregnant and he has to help out more. He really doesn't do that much. He helps me bring our son upstairs to bed at night when he gets home from work and - shock horror - did nursery drop off and pick up yesterday as I was away.

Last night was saying he needs to focus on his work and he has too much on because of me needing so much help.. and how he needs to be free to focus on his work 100 percent and he never can.

I just got a call from him saying hi and he sounds so down in the dumps, so I asked him what's wrong and if anything had happened and he just grumped back that ' it's fine '. I'm finding it very difficult to have compassion and not be enraged by him. When I see him moaning around, I just want to scream. I'm sick to the sight of it.

I really don't demand that much from him. The occasional, can you lift that or can you bring me that. But every day is relentless for ME. By the time toddler wakes up, he's gone. So I get him ready, take him to nursery (if he's not I'll). I work from home and then pick him up again at the end of the day and sort out dinner etc. Husband gets home and takes son to bed with me. I stay to make sure he's asleep, comfort him when he cries etc. I get up in the night. If son is ill, I stay home with him too. Not husband as he can't get time off. Husband works 6 days a week, so all weekend I'm on my own with my son and I'm too tired to go out with him or do much, so the weekends are very lonely and tough too.

I don't understand how I'm ruining his focus in 'what he needs to do'. Even though I struggle myself, I'm generally cheery when he's around and don't take it out on him. It's like he needs someone to blame for not finishing a project he needs to finish.

I'm so sick of it. Do I just sound really mean ?

Nah he’s a fucking idiot and a lazy one at that. I am going to sound hugely sexist here but why is it always men that act like this? You never hear about women behaving like this. He’s got a huge sense of entitlement and ego.

@Velvian

Fuck that, it's not depression, it's misogyny. He was expecting a wife that would do everything at home and earn a wage. You really are not fulfilling your side of the bargain (the side where you do everything and he does not need to worry his pretty head about it) and he is exasperated with you.

He needs a kick up the arse, op.

Yes this is how I see it as well, really sorry OP. Depression may or may not be a contributing factor, but it wouldn't be the root cause. Plenty of women are depressed but still have to work a full time job, look after their children, clean and cook and do life admin and so on and so forth. What if you were depressed as well, I'm sure shit would still get done and the children taken care of? Sure standards may slip, especially with housework, but why is it so many depressed men just leave their partners to crack on with everything all the time, meanwhile depressed women are usually still bearing the brunt of it? It's laziness, entitlement and misogyny.

He says he respects me / his mum and all mums a lot more now.

His actions don't back that up though, do they?

And it's not him "helping out" because it's not your job to do everything related to the home and children that he sometimes graciously helps you with - it's a question of him fulfilling his own responsibilities.

Or in this case, not fulfilling them.

Every time you talk about him "helping out" you are communicating that none of this stuff is his responsibility. That's not a helpful message if what you want is an equal respectful partner who meets his responsibilities.

I have no idea why you were repeatedly at pains to say you should feel sorry for him etc when he is the one whose behaviour is out of line and causing you harm.

It is frustrating that you're acting like he should be rewarded for talking about respecting women when his actions continue to be that of a disrespectful misogynist.

If he had a newfound respect for you, his behaviour would be pretty much the opposite of what you describe.

Often, when we meet our husbands or other half we instinctively sink into the role of making their lives easier in every respect. In essence, this makes them become a teenager again. When responsibility occurs, they are so used to an easy teenage life, that we have to pull them kicking and screaming into the real world.

It is really important that you ensure that no matter how much he will resist, you continue to give him a reasonable amount of responsibility, and do not take over all stresses to your own detriment.

it’s likely that he needs a psychologist to talk through his issues, but it would be a good idea to raise this with him in a frank conversation. In essence, we need our other halves to be reasonably robust to the rigours of normal family life.

It’s likely that he needs a psychologist to talk through his issues, but it would be a good idea to raise this with him in a frank conversation. What you must resist, is taking all responsibility or stress of him. He needs to learn to become robust enough to deal with normal family life.

My first piece of advice would be to sit down and speak with him, and suggest a psychologist. It doesn’t sound like you’re putting any more pressure on him than would be expected of a normal, emotionally stable husband. it is also a good idea to suggest to him, that he make some dad friends so that he has an idea of what normally family life looks like. I hope it all goes well x

Zombie 🧟‍♀️

You’re so sick of it that you decided a second child will be the perfect idea of improving the situation? 😂😂

Sounds like you need to buy him some tampax and ask if he has pmt 🤣

Why does he work 6 days a week? Can he drop some hours if he doesn't earn that much?

Has he come out and said what the problem is? I'm feeling depressed/life is like Groundhog Day or anything?

Have you pointed out how many hours you work per week, including nights - doing your job, and parenting, and all the wife work? If not, do that. See what he says.

And make a list of all the chores that need doing: list which you do and which he does, then show him the difference.

Ask why he thinks it's fair that he does so little and you do so much.

Did you talk about gender roles and expectations when you were pg with no. 1?? If so, what has changed?