To ask if anyone has research supporting delayed introduction of new GF/partner to DC?

[N0Name]

I have often seen unanimous advice on MN stipulating that a parent should wait a good length of time before introducing their DC to a new romantic interest/partner.

Does any evidence/research exist that can be used to support this advice?

I am getting rather desperate as Ex will not accept that moving in with a new GF/partner (who DC has never met) would be sufficient and acceptable to then demand overnights and weekend contact. Currently Ex has supervised (by me or grandparents) visits at my home, a park or similar, as Ex hasn’t capacity to keep DC safe or functionally parent a child. DC (5) has diagnosed separation anxiety, anxiety, and is currently being assessed for ASD.

Thanks (in advance) for any information!

Bump

You're focusing on the wrong issue surely? If he doesn't have capacity to parent safely then you need to be gathering evidence of that and ensuring he never has care of the children solo or overnight. Are you going to court?

In your case, has the court ordered that contact should be supervised, or is that just your take on things?

If he can't look after the DC without supervision then I don't see what him moving a partner in would change. Unless you mean he will say his new partner is doing the childcare and supervision? That won't fly in court!

There is a lot of noise about this issue
I think sourced by three things

• the horrific murders and situations where step parents abuse children
• the abuse , all types , that can be perpetrated by new people coming into a family
• but the most feasible risk is that the child is distressed , doesn’t get on with the new parent , feels neglected risk

I’d also say with your child’s issues that the new partner needs to be on that mental health awareness journey Parenting a child with mental health issues is hard , takes learning , patience flexibility etc and many adaptations

The upsides however are
The new partner could be lovely
The new partner could enhance the child’s life , bring in more love
The new partner should make you happy
And a happy parent , parents better !

I’d think mainly around the asd and the chalk he’s this will bring , the stress it will bring and how much new partner needs to have their eyes wide open that they need to learn , be compassionate and adapt
And understand it’s going to be a stress for you

You seem to be jumping a few steps here OP. If your ex is on supervised visits due to an inability to safely look after children, is that likely to change in the near future? A gf moving in with them seems irrelevant?

Thank you for the replies.

Ex has complex medical issues which impact on decision making, etc, memory issues (sometimes doesn’t remember anything including DCs birthdate/middle name/age/etc, forgets what DC has anaphylactic allergies to, plus more).

Currently going through mediation (required before can proceed to court), my gut tells me that he will suddenly have a suitable home/supervisor combined with a new partner. He has been receiving a lot of assistance from the mediation organisation, whereas I wasn’t even informed of the mediation date until the day before (and I couldn’t attend as had an appointment with DCs specialist).

For a long time, the supervision decision was mutual, as Ex realised that he couldn’t parent alone, he couldn’t keep DC safe. Even though the situation is now worse than before, Ex now wants week nights and every weekend.