Level of messaging in new relationship

[OutbackQueen]

I’m in my 50s and in a new relationship of a few months with a great guy who treats me well, says he loves me and wants a future with me. I tend to obsess about messaging though and wish I could relax about it, given that he seems committed to our relationship.

AIBU to expect him to reply to my messages in a given timeframe and to message me a few times a day? Is it ok for me to message him without worrying about if I’m overdoing it? I’m very insecure and afraid of rejection and I wonder if that makes me overthink things.

I watched this video yesterday which helped me
I had a text message online thing and I got totally obsessed
It was unhealthy
I’m now seeing someone new and he’s so far very nice
I’m working hard to not get obsessed and text focussed this time

*should try to wean myself off my phone, WhatsApp in particular. When I see he’s online or has been active recently (which he is often) and not messaged me/replied to a message, it sends me into panic mode. Am thinking of turning off the read receipts function so I’m spared the agon
Same

Maybe discuss with him and explain (maybe not as detailed !!) that it’s a thing that makes you silly anxious

If someone is basically decent you want to enjoy. And not stress about something you know is not valid
We deserve happiness !

He does look at his phone though@CocoPancakes - WhatsApp tells all!

I was like this in the beginning with DP, but it's because I genuinely didn't think he was into me the way I was with him.

In the end, I turned off the "last seen online" thing on WhatsApp because it means I couldn't see his, either.

I think it's good you see each other most days for a walk. I think in that situation, I couldn't see what else there'd be to test about. With DP, our texts are only functional - "leaving the office now", "I've finished earlier than expected, I'll get DS from nursery", "nipping to supermarket, do you need anything?".

We'd have plenty to discuss on text prior to living together/seeing each other daily, but if you have a daily catch-up, I'd say that's good.

But you have to be in a frame of mind to text people
Sometimes we don’t have the headspace to send the right message
So I tend to leave some messages for a while
And with people I like I want to reply nicely

You need to work on this op , I say that kindly

Anyway op I’m just reading my advice there with a wry smile
As the woman who’s been checking ‘last time online’ on the guy I’m seeing WhatsApp all fucking day
So if I was a bit harsh , I’m saying it to myself

Meant kindly, but do you have enough going on in your own life? Why not keep busier/get busy rather than wasting time worrying about this.

Poetrypatty
Not sure if that was directed at op or at me
But I’ll answer

But I don’t think my attitude to relationships is very healthy

It’s all bit intense and obsessive when I like them

So I can be busy (I am busy) but I’ll be checking messages , thinking abiut them a lot

It’s a bit weird and as I’m now doing this for a second time I’m definitely questioning it

Why when I like someone do I
Make them Center of
My world , and then hate them for it !!!!