Annoyed - caught feelings. Make them disappear

[Covidfallout2]

I am good friends with my ex. We split up 2 years ago. It was just we wanted different things in a relationship but get on really well. We reconnected after 6 months - lockdowns etc. We became close. Sort of bubbled up together and supported each other a friends through lockdowns etc.

I expected not to be as close when lockdown ended, but we are. We text multiple times a day, go out few times a month for food. Play video games together etc. it’s like we are still a couple but with no intimacy.

We have both dated others and been on double dates with no problems or jealousy. However over Xmas my feeling changed - I think. Due to covid issues, I couldn’t spend it as planned with my family. So I ended up spending the day with him. Same at New Years. He hates Xmas and keeps himself to himself, but this Xmas he was very social and I was treated amazingly. Never lifted a finger.

New Years I felt there was a flirty vibe from him. He leaned in to kiss me but I sort of patted his shoulder and walked off. A few other things which I dismissed. He went silent on me for a bit.

He told me he was suppose to go on a2nd date, but she cancelled this weekend. He said he didn’t want to tell me, but needed a rant as so down. This is where I think my feelings kicked in. I felt I had been hit in the stomach with jealousy. Never felt like it before.

Then yesterdays odd thing. His dog has been ill for a while. He asked me round to his for dinner and to say to goodbye to the dog. I liked his dog, but wasn’t really round her much. He said his son was there too - I haven’t spent much time with his older teenage son so don’t him that well. He always really kept us separate and I have never been invited round whilst there.

It seemed an excuse to have me round. He again was the perfect gentleman. His son did say I get talked about loads.

So what do I do? How do I hide the feelings? I like him but love this friendship. However, since we stopped dating, we have gotten to know each other better. Lockdown forced a false level of relationship, but it has lasted. I am not too sure he feels the same as he was actively dating, but said he has paused it for now.

I... would say you need a chat. Neither of you can (fairly) date someone else while this is bubbling away in the background.

Yes, this ^^. Talk to him!

@ToykotoLosAngeles that’s my issue. I thought I didn’t till last week. Never felt jealous when he had dated other people. I don’t know what I want.

We had a random chat a few weeks ago about telling others how you feel. He said he wouldn’t ever put himself out there as he would feel stupid if not reciprocated

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants I didn’t realise I had feelings. I don’t want to ruin a friendship if it’s short lived.

You have a great relationship with him, sounds like it could weather things if you had a chat with him about it and he didn't feel the same way.

@DrSbaitso what happens if is doesn’t! He is my closet friend.

I think you should tell him, he probably thinks you're not interested if he went to kiss you and you didn't go for it. It sounds like you get on really well now - are the things that split you up still a problem though? If you're going to get back together you need to look closely at that IMO. Also is he making all this effort to try and win you but will go back to his old ways once you go for it? Tread carefully but I'd give it another go - I think you'll regret not trying if he meets someone else and you haven't said anything.

Sometimes in life you need to step outside your comfort zone. It sounds like he may have the feelz too. You've gone being in a relationship to the friend zone before. There are no guarantees in life, but this might work out well for both of you. Lockdown has got many people to rethink stuff. I know I have.

You could make it quite relaxed - I've felt a surprise bubbling up the old romantic feelings I used to have towards you... is it just me having a crazy moment I should ignore or have you felt it too?

Sounds like he's interested and doesn't think you are. You do need to have the talk.

Yes, Rodion has a good suggestion.

@Rodion potentially. He had blown hot and cold before. Need to figure out if I want it.

@Gowithme we still split up as life got busy. Never prioritied each other. Now as friends we do. I feel we got to know each other better. Lockdown took the pressure off as no one could make plans. I was a bit worried we wouldn’t stay close. We are, maybe not see each other all the time as we spent a few days together at a time , but certainly now once a week.

In that case definitely decide how much you're actually interested before you risk saying anything. Perhaps spend some time considering his worst character traits and see how put off you feel! And maybe go on a date with someone else to see if that clarifies your feelings?

The hot and cold thing - did he ever talk to you about that? It's potentially an alarm bell as men who are happy to spend time with you until something (or someone) else piques their interest can be like this. But there could be other explanations. Not something you want to be on the receiving end of for a second time though...

You need to think about the reasons you split in the first place, whether they're resolved, whether they're likely to emerge again as life generally gets back to normal (and you both get busier).

But if you think repeating the pattern isn't likely - and something you'll both consciously avoid - it does sound like these caught feelings are mutual. And he's pretty much told you that you need to start the conversation.

well.... I was in a similar position 20 something years ago... I'd ended things because he was nice enough but I'd just split up with someone and he was my rebound and I wasn't up for benign a relationship. We had a good friendship after, purely platonic, for 9 or 10 months... we both dated others, but then something changed for me - told him my feelings had changed and we're still married - two kids, two cats and a dog....

@downtonupton that’s reassuring to read. We are really good together and agree on the things that we don’t want in a relationship. Similar interested and the sexual chemistry was good when together