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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you attracted to any of your friends?

16 replies

Cheesestring11 · 08/02/2022 17:35

Whether opposite or same sex. I don't mean just recognizing that they're fairly handsome/pretty or whatever but having a crush on them/fancying them even if you aren't cheating or having an emotional affair.
Or someone that you think if you weren't with your partner you'd like to be with them.
I think it's totally wrong but just wanted other views

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheesestring11 · 08/02/2022 17:36

I mean a close friend like spending time alone, texting etc

OP posts:
RedCandyApple · 08/02/2022 17:36

No not at all

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2022 17:37

No. Most of my friends are female and I'm not attracted to women. My one close male friend is gay and I am not attracted to him at all.

I am single though, do you mean when you're in a relationship?

Original poster
Cheesestring11 · 08/02/2022 17:38

Yes I guess I mean when you're in a relationship

I had 3 male friends that i wasn't particularly attracted to at all but they've all seemed to drift away sadly
Now i just have one gay male friend

Work in an industry where there are 99% women, i only have one male colleague, who is gay

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheesestring11 · 08/02/2022 17:40

I mean I just couldn't imagine for instance going for a cosy lunch with a partner and his female friend, knowing they're secretly thinking of each other and that they'd be together if they were single.. who'd be ok with that ?

OP posts:
Peachtoiletpaper · 08/02/2022 17:42

No. I weirdly need a certain distance to be attracted to people. As thought I'm hyper-adverse to making a mess of my own doorstep. I don't think I've ever really gone from proper friends to fancying someone (not since one or two boys at school anyway).

DaisyWaldron · 08/02/2022 17:42

I've had minor crushes on most of my friends at one time or another. I think that for me, liking and attraction are very closely linked, and it's a phase at the start of all of my good friendships.

Original poster
Cheesestring11 · 08/02/2022 17:43

I see what you mean yeah, were you in a relationship when you had those crushes?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheesestring11 · 08/02/2022 17:44

I know my partner is of course going to think other women are good looking, that's normal, but the thought of him having a crush on someone he knows would make me heartbroken

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2022 17:45

Are you worried that your partner has a crush on one of his friends?

something2say · 08/02/2022 17:46

I had a crush on a new male friend a few years ago. I am with a partner so it was horrible uncomfortable. What happened was, a wise older male colleague told me that IT HAPPENS but you don't need to act on it. If you did act on it, youd jump every 7 years or so. What happens is, it is alive for a while, the crush, and then it passes. I was SO relieved to hear this, and it is exactly what happened. Now I dont fancy him at all, but we are good mates. I didn't tell anyone. I was horrified at myself but relieved when colleague said it happens.

AliasGrape · 08/02/2022 17:47

Not a close friend no. In my younger days I had a very close friend who I grew up with, we would often decide we fancied the other one or wanted to be with the other one but never quite managed to be on the same page at the same time, and eventually something had to give and we kind of mutually allowed the friendship to fade away a bit.

These days there’s someone in the wider friendship circle I think is very attractive and have had the occasional ‘in another life’ stray thought about, but I’m happily married and so is he so I don’t allow it to take up any space in my head.

BurntO · 08/02/2022 17:47

Never. If I did I’d have to withdraw.

DaisyWaldron · 08/02/2022 18:09

@Cheesestring11

I see what you mean yeah, were you in a relationship when you had those crushes?
I've been with DH for over 25 years, so yes, for most of them. If it was a new thing, that would be more concerning, but for me, it's just part of general friendships that nobody has the slightest wish or intention of becoming sexual or romantic relationships.
Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 08/02/2022 18:13

@Peachtoiletpaper

No. I weirdly need a certain distance to be attracted to people. As thought I'm hyper-adverse to making a mess of my own doorstep. I don't think I've ever really gone from proper friends to fancying someone (not since one or two boys at school anyway).
This. None of my serious (as in long term late teen/adult) relationships started as friendships (they didn't end that way either to be fair)
Onlyforcake · 08/02/2022 18:19

Not really. I USED to often fall for friends of friends, never close ones. But also I'd never date someone that wasn't connected to me through a friend. I like reliable references Wink

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