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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with BF's DH

19 replies

anneme · 31/12/2007 18:49

Just been at BF's house for tea. Another family were there and DS1 age 4 and another visiting 4 yr old were messing around and being v annoying. Sudden ruckus and DS1 was crying a lot. He told us that BF's DH hit him because he was being annoying. Mum of other child just phoned and confirmed this. DH mentioned htat DS had said this in front of BF's DH but he did not respond but was clearly v wound up. DO I say anything? DS1 rather wary of him now. BF would be horrified. Think it is a one off but not sure how confident I feel with her DH now and also feel a bit pissed off that DS1 has been made to look as if he was the one being unreasonable.

OP posts:
brusselbeansprouts · 31/12/2007 18:49

Hang on, a grown man hit your ds "because he was being annoying" and there is a school of thought whereby ds is to blame?!!!

Elphaba · 31/12/2007 18:50

I wouldn't let anyone hitting my child go unchallenged.

Elphaba · 31/12/2007 18:51

My dh might have lamped said bloke and I would have cheered him on - after all, he was clearly being 'annoying'...

newgirl · 31/12/2007 18:51

so your friend's husband hit your child? is that correct?

that is really out of order

try not to take it out on your friend though, but i guess she will need to know at some point

people are just not going to want to see them if that is what goes on

Original poster
anneme · 31/12/2007 18:51

no I def don't think DS is to blame but he looked as if he was being unreasonable because it looked as if he were crying becasue he had been told off becasue others didnt know about the hit.

OP posts:
dooley1 · 31/12/2007 18:51

I would be very upet but it's hard to know what to do if you didn't actually see it happening. Did he hit both of them? Was it a gentle tap or a good swipe etc? I think I would have a word with yuor BF tbh, after all she must be your BF because you confide in her and it would be awful if the other mum told her and not you.

brusselbeansprouts · 31/12/2007 18:51

Can I send a bloke round, twice his size, to hit him as he has annoyed me?

Oh no, that would be assault.

This really isn't acceptable.

RudolphtheDDFREDnosedreindeer · 31/12/2007 18:51

He hit YOUR child and you're worrying about what your friend might think?

ladymariner · 04/01/2008 00:23

Am I missing something here??? Your son has been hit by a grown man and you're worrying what to do??? YOUR SON HAS BEEN HIT BY A GROWN MAN!!!!! Buck up, woman, if it was my son you would be dragging me off the man who hit him, I can't believe you're even pondering this. If your friend doesn't like it then tough shit.

notjustmom · 04/01/2008 00:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wotz · 04/01/2008 00:28

I am with the others here.
You need to tell your BF what happend.
Keep it short, you can't go there anymore.

No excuse is acceptable

Doodletoyou · 04/01/2008 00:29

Message withdrawn

sb6699 · 04/01/2008 00:44

Me and my siblings clearly remember an incident when we were young. A neighbour slapped my brother cos he was being annoying (playing football in the communal garden).

My mother had this guy by the throat (he was twice her size) and told him in no uncertain terms if he laid another finger on any of her children she would have someone bigger than him come and sort it out!!!

Your ds needs to know that no matter what an adult hitting him is unacceptable and he can rely on you for help.

No, I'm not suggesting you do the same as my mother (she is v. scarey for such a small woman) but you need to tell this thug his behaviour is not on.

It's not your friends fault but she needs to know the situ - if you start avoiding her she may feel she has does something wrong.

hotchocscot · 04/01/2008 00:52

Stand up to this bully and protect your child, for gods sake. It is totally unacceptable for him to hit your child, and your child needs to see you taking action on his behalf, so he knows you believe him.

Also, if this man gets away with doing this to a young child, what'll he do to the next visiting child who gets on his nerves? You need to warn your friend that her husband cannot control his anger.

notjustmom · 04/01/2008 00:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorthernLurker · 04/01/2008 01:00

so not only did he hit your baby (4 yr old still a baby in my opinion - not a child) but he hit him in a place/at a time that was not observed by anybody else.

That is Really Really Bad in my book - talk to your friend and don't set foot over the threshold till this is sorted - don't know how you are going to sort it but for the sake of your child and any others this man comes across he has to be told this is unacceptable behaviour!

Original poster
anneme · 04/01/2008 19:24

You are right. All of you. He is a bully.
I was wondering why I had not heard from BF until today - turns out (following conversation with her) that her DH only told her that he had shouted at the children. I told her what had happened since he clearly has not the guts to do so. She said she cannot see him apologising but she is going to tackle him on it. So far in their relationship she has done everything for him- he clearly expects her to apologise for him too. Not good enough. What really annoys me is that now he has left it so long we are going to be dragging things up with DS1 when it could have been sorted out so easily (well - sort of!)

OP posts:
newgirl · 04/01/2008 19:29

i dont think it wise for him to apologise to your son - it may be best to move on and not upset your child

though, if it were me i would say to my child that what happened was wrong and that it would never never happen again and that you will look after him

the dad can apologise to you as an adult and then i would stay out of his way in the future

Original poster
anneme · 04/01/2008 21:29

I think you are right about apologising to DS1 newgirl - he has moved on (even if I have not yet)

Can I just say that you have all been really helpful-this is not something that I can talk to any of my RL friends about and the MN advice has been invaluable. thank you

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