Sex when pregnant

[goodmorningpenguin]

I'm not sure which is the right forum to post, in so I just posted here as it's the one I'm familiar with!

I am 17 weeks pregnant with DC1, and we have not had sex since I found out.

I have spoken to DH about it, he said he is worried to do anything to hurt the baby. I have told him it can't. I have had previous mc's but all way earlier so I thought his fear might ease after 12 weeks.

I don't think it is me, I also do not believe it is even possible he is getting his needs filled else where, that is just not him at all. I am just worried about loosing intimacy if we go for a long time without sex. Especially as I'd imagine the window for me wanting to might close when I am further along. Also having listened to my sister I doubt I will want to for a while after baby is born either!

I didn't enable the voting, as I don't really think either of us are being unreasonable, or maybe I am, I'm pressurising him have sex. Just looking for advice really from people that have experienced this.

I'm pregnant with our second and I think it's very unlikely DH and I will have sex during my pregnancy (I'm very sick so there's no prospect atm anyway). He didn't want to in first pregnancy - He just found it too weird. He knows he wouldn't hurt the baby but he just gets freaked out. Our sex life went back to normal after pregnancy.

It’s not a long time in the grand scheme of things. If he’s not comfortable doing it, then don’t make a big deal about it. Imagine if it was the other way around. There is lots of time for intimacy - hopefully you’ll be together forever! I would not rule out sex after a baby, you don’t know how you’ll feel, I had sex 2/3 weeks after without issue.

I’m afraid some men do go off women when they are pregnant, some men find it a turn off, could it be that? And he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings?

I think he is quite sweet to think this way. To a limited extent I had the same thing with my DH. This was a bit frustrating as my hormones made me feel quite amorous! However, we compromised.

I re-read my post, I meant to say I am NOT pressuring him to have sex. I haven't pushed him on it at all, his sex drive has always been higher than mine.

He might have gone off me, I'm not really sure. He still loves a cuddle and a good squeeze. It's just not him to not look for/ try initiate sex at least once a day! Which can be annoying but now I'm wondering where it has gone lol.

@Wisemensay glad to hear it went back to normal after the birth.

We had sex 3 times in my first pregnancy and not at all in my second, it just didn't feel right for either of us. We didn't lose intimacy though.

I do understand OP, it does feel frustrating, especially when everything is happening in your body so you know it's fine and there is nothing to worry about.

But others are right, if he's not comfortable then there's not much you can do. Possibly as time goes on he might relent, but otherwise at least you know there's an end date.

I've tended to maintain sexua' intimacy during pregnancies. It was more of a concern after three miscarriages but I found after the milestones had past ( 14 weeks and definitely after 20 week scan) my husband did start to relax into the idea.

We didn't have sex during any of my pregnancies. It went pretty unmentioned by either of us. He considered pregnancy a delicate state I think, and I just didn't fancy it. It caused no bother or loss of intimacy. Everything went back to normal pretty soon after the births.

Can you not suggest non-penetrative sex? We had sex daily when I was pregnant as my hormones were raging but not always penetration.

I was really horny during my last pregnancy I don't know what I'd have done if DH hadn't wanted to! In fact the only time he said no was the evening of my 38 week midwife appointment, I'd had a sweep that day and midwife said the head was very low - that was understandably a turn off for him.