Should you reschedule plans if you're ill?

[Snotevenfunny]

I had plans to see a friend which were made weeks ago, she wanted to come to my city so some travelling on her part and a catch up. She booked an air b&b for the night as I don't have space to host. Planned to have lunch and drinks, some sight seeing etc.

The night before she was due to come the following morning she casually dropped into conversation that she came down ill a few days prior but was feeling much better and not to worry as it wasn't covid, she produced a negative lateral flow.

I immediately felt uncomfortable because I have three kids, one of which is a 3mo baby so I really didn't want want to catch whatever it was and pass it on to them.

I hate being ill nevermind whilst looking after three little ones. I'm anaemic so feel like shit most of the time as it is.

Given that she left it until the last minute to tell me, and the fact she was due to set off in the morning and had already paid for her travel and accommodation I felt a bit backed into a corner.

I didn't feel able to cancel on her at such short notice but I'm now kicking myself as inevitably I have caught it and feel terrible.

One of my three is also becoming unwell so I'm sure the other two will be the same by tomorrow.

It's not the end of the world i know that.. but I will now have to write off the next few days and the other plans I had, and juggle everything else with poorly kids in tow because nursery wouldn't accept them in when ill (which i totally understand)

AIBU to think if you know you're not well then you should really try to rearrange / or atleast give the person your meeting ample notice so they can decide what they want to do without looking like a total arsehole?

I voted YABU based on you saying friend was ill 3 days ago but now is well enough to travel. This is turning into a very odd haemorrhage top trumps but I also had a very large one 2 months ago delivering my son after forceps (also have 3 year old). But I would definitely see a friend now who was ill 3 days prior but recovering. I'm desperate to see my friends after what has happened, I think people react differently to trauma. Now if she's still ill which subsequent posts suggest that's different, but kids at nursery and playgroup are far and away the most likely source of illness to our house, not a 3 days recovered friend so I wouldnt be particularly bothered (caveat on if she is still ill to YANBU).

Ps I'm quite enjoying Floradix iron supplement, it's like apple juice, the tablet tummy upset is tiresome

Ah yes I can see where the confusion stems from, I'll clarify.

So she came down unwell a few days before we were due to meet, spent two days laid up but felt well enough to travel on the third day despite still being symptomatic and not completely well.

I will say she's super healthy and very rarely gets ill, but this bugger is unpleasant enough to have had even her laid up. I'm not healthy at all at the minute so it'll drag for me.

I think some people naturally play down these so called routine bugs because it doesn't affect them too badly, whereas for others (like sickly old me) it can completely ruin the week.

Ps I'm quite enjoying Floradix iron supplement, it's like apple juice, the tablet tummy upset is tiresome

I was on ferrous sulphate tablets but my gut couldn't handle them, now switched to ferrous fumerate liquid which has an artificial peppermint flavour and is just as disgusting

It obviously depends on the illness. If it wasn’t covid then the only other illnesses I’d expect someone to stay home with are a sickness bug and the flu. Since she just had a cold, that really isn’t a big deal and people can’t stay at home with something as minor as a cold because the whole world would grind to a halt. It’s shitty having a cold but it isn’t life threatening.

@SartresSoul

It obviously depends on the illness. If it wasn’t covid then the only other illnesses I’d expect someone to stay home with are a sickness bug and the flu. Since she just had a cold, that really isn’t a big deal and people can’t stay at home with something as minor as a cold because the whole world would grind to a halt. It’s shitty having a cold but it isn’t life threatening.

Oh I know that, I'm not worried about dropping dead.

Its just shit being ill with three young kids and it's always extra worrying when one of them is a baby. RSV season and all that.

@Snotevenfunny

If she ‘knew’ this, why would she even tell you she’d been sick?

Because she would've known it wouldn't be ok to turn up ill without mentioning it, so she mentioned it but only at the very last minute when it was too late to change plans.

that doesn’t make sense. If she knew she was being sneaky and in the wrong, why would she mention it at all?

that doesn’t make sense. If she knew she was being sneaky and in the wrong, why would she mention it at all?

Because I would've known she was ill when she arrived bunged up and coughing.

I don't think there's any malice in it.

Just a case of.. ^shit. I've come down with something and I'm due to see Jane. If i mention it now she'll probably want to rearrange and I'll lose the money. I won't say anything as ill probably be fine by then"

Then the day before shes due to come she's still ill but feels well enough to travel, so she tells me because it's going to be blatantly obvious anyway and she knows by this point I wouldn't cancel at such short notice.

I wouldn't have thought of cancelling at the tail end of a cold. People work through colds and kids go to school with colds and your DC could bring one home from school at any time. In your friend's situation, I'd have been more concerned by letting you down and would have made every effort to show up. Unless she knows you have immunity issues (not sure that's the case), then I'd have thought someone with 3 DC would be in the mix for such risks anyway and it wouldn't be a big deal. Though obviously I'm sorry it is a big deal for you, though you don't even know it was from her.