Work stress and anxiety - early pregnancy

[Brum1992]

I want to scream and cry. I am 8 weeks pregnant and really struggling. I am so anxious and I feel something really bad is going to happen. I just want to cry, but I can’t. I have a young son in nursery who is a happy little boy, but I am struggling to engage with him and give him the attention he deserves because I feel like I’ve checked out a little.

I have been given a lot more responsibility at work, and recently employed a few people to work in my growing team. I am so under resourced on projects that it’s leaving me v stressed. But we just can’t get enough people to do the work. And the new people who join my team will need training. All the responsibility has been from years of hard work, and I know when they find out ok pregnant, they’ll be disappointed and angry because this team is growing around me. I know legally they can’t say anything, but I fully expect there’ll be some kind of restructuring and I won’t get the same role when I come back. It happened with my first….I was a line manager to a team of people, but the policy changed while I was on leave, and I didn’t get that responsibility back.

Anyway, the stress is overwhelming me and I need it to stop. It’s not good for me or the baby. I can’t get signed off as I have too much to do and there’s no one to pick it all up.

I feel like this pregnancy is rushing by and I want time to slow down. I don’t feel about it as I should. I don’t feel excited, I feel quite scared.

I need to talk to someone, but I can’t. My husband says we can’t tell a soul until after the 12 week scan.

I’m so sorry you’re going through a tough time right now. I think you need to sit with your thoughts and decide what is more important just now- taking some time away from work to focus on your growing family or speak to work and ask for some support.
You are already doing an amazing job but everyone hits a breaking point and you are getting close to yours! I know you said you can’t take time off work but maybe a sick line for stress might just help you to get a break and catch your breath.
This will give you a chance to try enjoy a little of your early pregnancy excitement and spend some time with your son.
If not then I think you need to talk to your work,
You don’t need to share your news yet but can say the workload is becoming a little overwhelming and you need support to train new members of staff.
Carrying on as normal will just cause more stress which you definitely don’t need!

I am usually the last person in the world to say, "get signed off" - I am pretty puritanical about work - but if you are genuinely so stressed that it is affecting your health... then get signed off.

Does stress affect an unborn baby? I don't think there is a clear answer on that (although there are studies that suggest it does) but why take the risk? It's not your responsibility if there is too much work to do and no one to pick it up - that's your boss's look-out. If you went under a bus tomorrow they would have to manage, wouldn't they?

The doctor wouldn't have to put "stress" as the reason in the sick note - they could just say early pregnancy-related complications.

Don't feel guilty - your unborn baby's health is more important than your work.

You can to a greater extent control your work stress as you are choosing to engage with it

My job is full on and my boss was (not very) covertly raging I got pregnant. He told me he was "sick of his team going on mat leave and trying to run a department with contractors" then sent me these irritating faux concern emails about my health while harassing me for (frankly pointless) pieces of work.

He has treated poorly for the duration of my pregnancy and has shut down all conversations around my promotion (which I should be receiving now).
He also tried to get to agree to come back after 9 months (lol! Good one!)

I give zero fucks... I zoned it out because ultimately he is going to do what he wants and because in 15 years I won't give a shit what he thought.

In terms of your job...

"Templatise" the training so it can be rolled out and they can self serve training to some degree and/or get the first person you train to demonstrate they understood the training by helping onboard the next member of staff.

Stop at 6, push back and prioritise.
Tell managment you can do 4 our of the 6 list of the list.

I found Baby yoga before bed and first thing surprisingly helpful

Also rest assured when people talk about stress affecting the baby they mean people living in actual war zones. Not people trying to get the monthly report to Jerry in finance.

Your baby will be fine

You can tell anyone you want before your 12 week scan, it's entirely your choice. Telling people won't make you miscarry and not telling people won't protect you from that happening. If you're not getting the support you need from him then tell your mum, sister, best friend, therapist, anyone you need.

Tell someone- you will feel better.

Your husband’s attitude is the reason why baby loss is seen as a shameful subject and more women suffer in silence than needed.