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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with comment from A&E doctor

161 replies

whethertheweather · 07/02/2022 17:41

DD is 18 and anorexic with BMI of 14.5. After months and months of delays she is just starting to be dealt with by an NHS eating disorder clinic. They called her in for the first in person appointment to do a blood test and physical exam, where she fainted. Blood tests were apparently off, they said O2 levels were at 80% and blood pressure was really low. The doctor at the clinic was very concerned and walked her over to A&E across the road for more tests with a letter explaining her position and the results of their own tests.

Nurse at triage says she needs a blood test so to wait and that O2 levels are hard to check with a pulse oximeter as DD's circulation is so poor in her fingertips. 3 hours later a doctor calls DD in, says he doesn't need to check her O2 levels "as I can see you're breathing". He then went on to say to her that people can exist quite well on 500 calories a day and that it's the constant going up and down with calories from one day to the next that is doing her body harm. He did an ECG, said it was OK and sent her on her way.

AIBU to feel incredulous that anyone would tell an anorexic it was OK to eat 500 calories a day? DD is trying so hard to eat but she's lost 45kg in a year and the scales are still going down.

I tried to complain to PALS, but they've said as DD is over 18 she has to authorise the complaint and I feel she's got enough on her hands. I'm sure the doctor's doing his best in extreme circumstances, but I want him to understand the potential impact of his words on vulnerable patients.

OP posts:
Purplewithred · 07/02/2022 17:42

Please feed this comment back to your local Healthwatch - then at least someone at the hospital will hear what's happened.

Chichimcgee · 07/02/2022 17:43

I would complain directly to whoever is in charge, that’s really shocking.
I would also consider medical negligence

TrashyPanda · 07/02/2022 17:44

Were you with her, or is there a chance she might be making this bit up?

TrashyPanda · 07/02/2022 17:45

Obviously, if he did say that, it’s bloody awful.

Oldandcold · 07/02/2022 17:48

Please get your daughter to sign the pals authorisation this us a terrible thing to say. If she authorises you can deal with it on her behalf and she shouldn't need further involvement. If you email pals they should escalate the concern and then they will send you and your dd the forms to consent.

DamnUserName21 · 07/02/2022 17:52

@Chichimcgee

I would complain directly to whoever is in charge, that’s really shocking. I would also consider medical negligence
Definitely escalate to the hospital/PALs etc with DDs permission regarding his attitude and clinical advice/comments.

Medical negligence is a stretch though.

incognitoforthisone · 07/02/2022 17:55

Were you there when the doctor said this? Or is this just what your daughter reported back to you?

Because this sounds an awful lot like the sort of thing someone with anorexia would claim had been said to them when it actually hadn't. I had a close friend who was anorexic and she claimed more than once that medical professionals had told her that what she was doing was OK 'if she was careful' or 'if she just made sure she took multivitamins', but it was invariably either a conscious lie on her part or her convincing herself that she'd heard what she wanted to hear and not what was actually said.

TheOriginalEmu · 07/02/2022 17:55

My mother walked into a&e with a pulse ox of 80, 3 hours later she was ventilated. What a fucking disgusting thing to say. Please get her to complain.

Chichimcgee · 07/02/2022 17:56

Medical negligence is a stretch though.

Telling a seriously ill girl struggling with anorexia she only needs 500 calories a day is negligent. When she starves herself to death because ‘the doctor said it’s ok’ it’s definitely medical negligence.

TheAverageUser · 07/02/2022 17:57

Were you with her when he said it?

Sounds like something she could be using as an excuse for when she eats 500 calories a day and you question her on it.

WutheringHeights66 · 07/02/2022 17:57

@TrashyPanda

Were you with her, or is there a chance she might be making this bit up?
This.

The only reason I say this is she’s 18, so perhaps you weren’t with her for the full examination and conversation.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 07/02/2022 17:58

@TrashyPanda

Were you with her, or is there a chance she might be making this bit up?
I think you really need to be sure about this, gently but firmly.
ittakes2 · 07/02/2022 18:00

I am so sorry. What a nightmare for you. I think I might have decked him one. Unfort A&E doctors are often very inexperienced. The problem is it sounds like you and your daughter have a lot on and I can imagine you don't want to add to things.

LetHimHaveIt · 07/02/2022 18:01

@incognitoforthisone

Were you there when the doctor said this? Or is this just what your daughter reported back to you?

Because this sounds an awful lot like the sort of thing someone with anorexia would claim had been said to them when it actually hadn't. I had a close friend who was anorexic and she claimed more than once that medical professionals had told her that what she was doing was OK 'if she was careful' or 'if she just made sure she took multivitamins', but it was invariably either a conscious lie on her part or her convincing herself that she'd heard what she wanted to hear and not what was actually said.

I suspect you've hit the nail on the head.
Hellocatshome · 07/02/2022 18:04

I would tend to agree with the people querying the Dr actually said this. My friend was anorexic and used to day that she was having regular check ups with the nurse and everything was fine. She never once went to see the nurse and everything wasn't fine.

MichelleScarn · 07/02/2022 18:05

. 3 hours later a doctor calls DD in, says he doesn't need to check her O2 levels "as I can see you're breathing". He then went on to say to her that people can exist quite well on 500 calories a day and that it's the constant going up and down with calories from one day to the next that is doing her body harm. He did an ECG, said it was OK and sent her on her way.
Adding to the comments of if this is verbatim what he said, of course this needs followed up.

DamnUserName21 · 07/02/2022 18:12

@Chichimcgee

Medical negligence is a stretch though.

Telling a seriously ill girl struggling with anorexia she only needs 500 calories a day is negligent. When she starves herself to death because ‘the doctor said it’s ok’ it’s definitely medical negligence.

Re-read the OP-that's not what was relayed by OP. And even if it was---good luck establishing medical negligence based on hearsay or an arbitrary comment made by an A&E doctor.
cherish123 · 07/02/2022 18:13

YANBU
Not a helpful comment

theremustonlybeone · 07/02/2022 18:15

Were you with her when she was told 500 calories was fine? I find that hard to believe that a doctor would suggest such a thing. If he did I would complain, sadly though your DD is 18 and deemed an adult and if she isnt agreeing for this to progress there is little you can do

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 07/02/2022 18:17

Thing is, either the not-very-well DD was reporting back somewhat inaccurately, or there were a number of people in the room - doctor, possibly a nurse/chaperone, the mum and DD - who didn't challenge a cleary nutty medical pronouncement.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 07/02/2022 18:18

@Chichimcgee

Medical negligence is a stretch though.

Telling a seriously ill girl struggling with anorexia she only needs 500 calories a day is negligent. When she starves herself to death because ‘the doctor said it’s ok’ it’s definitely medical negligence.

Don't talk bollocks.

To make a successful claim of medical negligence, a claimant needs to prove:

  1. Duty of care

  2. Breach of duty

  3. A greater than 50% probability that the claimant suffered an injury that she would not have otherwise suffered.

  4. is easy. (2) will be hard to prove, unless there was a witness (3) has not happened.

Topseyt · 07/02/2022 18:18

Were you with her when it was said? Did you hear it yourself? If so then definitely try to press ahead with the complaint because those comments are totally inappropriate for an anorexic teenager. If you didn't hear it personally and it is what she is reporting then be a little bit cautious.

I'm not trying to cast aspersions on your DD, but one of my DDs was in the throes of severe anorexia at age 16 - 17 too and under treatment at an eating disorders clinic. It would have been just like her to have come out with something like this when trying to act as though all was well when it plainly wasn't. It is a very common ploy with anorexics.

Handhold for you. Flowers I know just how difficult it is when your child is in this state. Mine is now almost 20 and in her second year at university. She still has a counsellor for her mental health issues and is on antidepressants, but as far as I can tell she seems to be in recovery from the anorexia. I have all of my fingers crossed that she stays that way.

thenightsky · 07/02/2022 18:19

As someone with a past history of ED, telling my DM that a medical person had confirmed that 500 calories is ok would be just the sort of thing I would have done.

steff13 · 07/02/2022 18:22

@thenightsky

As someone with a past history of ED, telling my DM that a medical person had confirmed that 500 calories is ok would be just the sort of thing I would have done.
I think a lot of people would. You don't see that you're sick and telling people that the doctor said something like that might be seen as a way to get them off your back about your eating.
PaperTulip · 07/02/2022 18:22

I genuinely can't imagine any doctor saying it's possible to survive on 500 calories because that's simply medically not true? It's like a doctor telling a patient vaccines are useless or smoking won't cause cancer.