AIBU not pandering to friend?

31 replies

frustratedbiscuit2 · 07/02/2022 12:12

I'm very much 'in charge' when it comes to arranging and booking trips etc. I planned a holiday with this friend, let's call her Susan for arguments sake.

I gave her the price for the flight, the hotel and activity cost while we're there. Susan agreed. The following day she walked out of her job and contacted me to say she couldn't pay immediately for the trip. I was annoyed but agreed to her repaying me in installments.

She messaged me last month to point out something else that we should do on the trip and I agreed it looked great and booked it (it was on offer) and said 'so you owe me £40 for your half'. She hasn't acknowledged it or sent me the money yet.

The flight carrier's luggage allowance has changed since we booked and I need to go on and add luggage to the booking. AIBU if I just add on luggage for myself and send Susan the log in details to do her own? I sense if I do this she won't actually manage to organise it herself and we're going to have chaos at the airport. But I'm not her mother!

OP posts:

NoNameNoGane · 07/02/2022 13:19

I think a lot of this might depend on;

a) what is going on with your friend at the moment? Walking out of a job is huge for some people but a regular occurrence for others. If it's not normal for her to do something rash like that, maybe consider why she behaved that way, what is going on in her life generally and whether she needs a bit more patience and understanding.

b) why are you always the one to book things? Do you feel uncomfortable with other people being in charge?

We all go through things in life that make us (temporarily) less reliable friends, with a bit of patience and understanding from you a trip away might be just what your friend needs.
I would struggle massively with someone else booking my holiday - it is a personality trait that we might share? Of course, occasionally I forget that I prefer to be the person making the arrangements and have a grumble about everyone else taking me for granted...

Original poster

frustratedbiscuit2 · 07/02/2022 13:23

@NoNameNoGane

I think a lot of this might depend on;

b) why are you always the one to book things? Do you feel uncomfortable with other people being in charge?

She's walked out of maybe 3 different jobs in the last year.

I tend to do a lot of things so people expect me to know how to find the best deals and where to stay, I do a lot of research into my trips. I'm not controlling and am always more than happy for someone else to take charge and I'm pretty easygoing with hotels and destinations.

OP posts:

StanleyGreen · 07/02/2022 13:48

She does know you're not her mum doesn't she?

NoNameNoGane · 07/02/2022 14:14

She's walked out of maybe 3 different jobs in the last year.

In that case - YADNBU
You aren't her Mother. She is a flake!
I would consider the negative impact on you if there is carnage at the airport over this luggage thing...is it worth the risk of losing a few £s to help your holiday run smoothly?
If you don't see the money for the luggage or the extra activity that you booked, maybe don't include this friend in your plans next time.

SMabbutt · 07/02/2022 14:29

Why not just send a final reminder email about the extra luggage cost and tell her she can either book it herself by x date or if she wants you to do it she can send you the money as confirmation provided she does it by a set dateas you won't be able to help after that date. Any emails from her after that without prepayment or after your specified deadline get bounced back saying she needs to sort it as you don't have time.

In future just say you will only book anything after she has paid.

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/02/2022 14:58

It sounds like she's paid for the vast bulk of it has she? And the activity and the travel thing make up a relatively small amount of money?

In which case I'd just sort it, because it will be more hassle for you if you don't.

How are you going to manage finance on holiday - take turns or have a kitty. It's worth talking to her in advance about how much you're taking so she doesn't turn up with not enough.

I'd oil the wheels this time so you have a good holiday. And make the change from now on.

I am assuming her it's the sort of cash you can afford to front.

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