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AIBU?

to want to kill my mother (grrrrrrrr)

18 replies

KITTYmaspudding · 31/12/2007 15:13

My mother has just let me down again and I feel really angry and very sad about it. I would like your opinions as to whether I have a 'right' to be angry and sad about her behaviour.
She has a history of not living up to her promises btw.

Well the conversation with my mother goes something like this:
2 weeksago:
Me: can you babysit on new year's eve?
Mother: Yes, how about I stay over then I can have a drink and go to bed when I want?
Me: Thanks, but shouldn't you speak to your dp and check he doesn't mind?
Mother: I suppose I should, we don't doing anything to celebrate, just sit in front of the tv ( her dp comes lower down than her dogs in the pecking order btw)

Fast forward to today
Me: Hi mum just checking you are still ok for this evening
Mother: What do you mean this evening?
Me: You were going to babysit for us so we could go to a party
Mother: No I wasn't, you have misunderstood, I said I was going to ask dp
Me: you said you were going to babysit
Mother: I said I was going to check with dp, but I decided not to as I didn't want him to feel pressured into saying 'yes' so I haven't asked him
Me ( feeling my blood boil) You never told me that you had decided this. I would have appreciated it if you could have told me you were not coming then I could have tried to organise something. Now it's too late.
My mother has just let me down again and I feel really angry and very sad about it. I would like your opinions as to whether I have a 'right' to be angry and sad about her behaviour.
She has a history of not living up to her promises btw.

Mother: Oh, I feel bad now, how much do you want to go to this party?
Me: don't worry, I've got to go and see if I can organise something else.

This is the bare bones of the conversation
I could feel myself crying tears of rage.
Not only had she not done what she said she was going to BUT she had also tried to make me the person at fault, trying to make out I had misread the situation.
This has been the patteren of our lives.
Now if at any point during the last 2 BLOODY WEEKS she had said to me "I Don't feel I can leave dp on new years' eve and I'd rather not ask him"
Then I would have been miffed (inside), but she has a right to do that, but not to bother to tell me even. What the hell did she think I was going to do?
If she'd confessed to having forgotton, I would have been cross but to blame it on me.........
I fucking hate her.
Please excuse me I am very very angry.

OP posts:

Report

dooley1 · 31/12/2007 15:14

why did you leave it until the last minute to remind her though?

KITTYmaspudding · 31/12/2007 15:14

sorry about double typing a bit, hope it still makes sense

OP posts:

dooley1 · 31/12/2007 15:15

I mean given that she often lets you down? did you see her over xmas? did you mention it to her or to her dp?

hercules1 · 31/12/2007 15:15

Mmm, I can see why you are annoyed but if you knew she was liable to let you down perhaps next time you need to keep checking with her beforehand.

Tortington · 31/12/2007 15:15

if shw constantly lets you down then your the flaming idiot for relying on her IMO!

dont do it again

ReverseThePolarity · 31/12/2007 15:15

YANBU. Sorry want to write more but ds squawking on my knee...

KITTYmaspudding · 31/12/2007 15:15

I just assumed she was coming. I was actually phoning to check what time she was going to come. It hadn't occurred to me she wasn't coming. I started with one of those stock phrases " Just checking if ..."

OP posts:

ReverseThePolarity · 31/12/2007 15:19

Right, I've put him in walker for ten seconds.

YANBU. However if she has a history of doing this... maybe it's time she learned she cannot get away with it any longer?

"Mother: Oh, I feel bad now, how much do you want to go to this party?
Me: don't worry, I've got to go and see if I can organise something else."

Kitty, why not ring her back, now and say, "Mum, I've not been able to organise anything else. Would you come and babysit like you said you would?"

KITTYmaspudding · 31/12/2007 15:20

I didn't think she would let me down on this one, she has never done this type of thing before, usually I get a warning, she'll be all bountiful and then phone and say something
more interesting else has come up..
I suppose I should have smelled a rat when she didn't mention anything over christmas. I reckon she forgot, simple as that and is trying to blame me to make herself feel better.

OP posts:

bran · 31/12/2007 15:21

I often wish I could record all my conversations, then I could play back the relevant bit when people try to claim they said something that they didn't.

YANBU, I don't know what you could have done differently to prevent this happening, except to refer to the party and the babysitting every day between the time she agreed and today.

KITTYmaspudding · 31/12/2007 15:21

Mossy, I don't want the hag anywhere near me

OP posts:

aGalChangedHerName · 31/12/2007 15:23

Why can't she bring dp with her? I know how you feel tho(((hugs))) I have asked my mum to babysit in March to let DH and i go see David Gray but it won't surprise me if DH has to take ds1 instead if my mum can't babysit at the last minute

What i don't understand is why i keep setting myself up to be disappointed over and over again.

My mum even had my neices in her hotel room on my wedding night while we had our girls lol. Would it have killed her to have my dd's so we could have a night to ourselves???

Hope you manage to arrange something Kitty,have a good New Year anyway!!

ReverseThePolarity · 31/12/2007 15:23

Mossy? Who is she?

Kitty I'm sure she wouldn't say "yes" but it might teach her a lesson if you were to ring up and ask her to hold to her original promise.

You poor thing. You've not been having the best time in the world as it is and this must be the last straw.

I hope 2008 is so much better for you. {{{{hugs}}}}

smallwhitecat · 31/12/2007 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KITTYmaspudding · 31/12/2007 15:39

smallwhitecat and 'agal', I set myself up all the time, and my mother was like this when my babies were born ,asking when they were going to come etc.

OP posts:

smallwhitecat · 31/12/2007 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KITTYmaspudding · 31/12/2007 17:26

smallwhitecat, you are describing it all perfectly. I'm sorry, you have a mother like this too

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Elasticwoman · 31/12/2007 21:10

Kitty, I would be angry too in your shoes, but I would learn from it, as Custardo suggests, and not rely on her again.

We relied on SIL to look after our dc while dh and I went away this year. The first time, she allowed dd1 to get sunstroke by staying out in the sun with no t shirt for far too long, and the second time she suddenly announced at the last minute that she had a new dog she had to bring to our house, so we hurriedly made other arrangements. I will NOT be asking her again or allowing dh to do so, and as far as I'm concerned it will be her loss.

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