Worried about being a female alone :(

[Chapter23]

Just wanted to get some other peoples perspective on this!

I live (semirurally) at home with my family and I’m finding that recently I’ve started feeling uneasy and scared going out on my own. I have no real reason to feel scared, I guess it’s just from recent tragic stories on the news.

For context in case it’s relevant, I’m 23 and female. Most of my friends feel nervous about being out in the dark alone, but not as nervous as me. Don’t get me wrong, I still go out and I don’t let it stop me doing anything but I just feel a bit more worried about being out on my own in isolated areas.

I usually go out walking with my
dog in woods/forrests/secluded areas because there are some really nice scenic trails and I used to really like going there and finding it relaxing to get away from the stresses of life and I always found walking my dog here to be really peaceful. Whilst I’d never go walking on a secluded area at dark, I was confident walking here myself during the day when it was light. But recently I’ve been more wary of even going during the day and have been going with a parent or family member, or alternatively walking my dog in a more popular area like streets or busy trails with other dog walkers. Don’t get me wrong, I still do walk on these secluded trails on my own if there’s nobody at home who can come with me, and I’m not scared enough to let it stop me going; but I just feel more worried about it suddenly and I don’t enjoy the walk as much as I used to because I spend it feeling worried and uneasy.

As I said there’s no real reason for me to be so scared and nothing has happened other than bumping into other dog walkers and having a 5 minute conversation about the weather! I’ve no real reason to be scared. I just suddenly feel so worried about being on my own and it feels so scary to be a female. I keep thinking if someone attacked me where would me and my dog run to, or how would we get help, or how would we get away? It’s like the worst case scenario in my head.

Am I worrying unnecessarily or do other girls worry like this too? I never used to be like this, but maybe I was just younger and carefree and now I’m 23 and old now and I’m suddenly realising how scary the world is!

For context, I had a restraining order against a violent family member. They have not caused any problems in 10+ years and have no idea where we live now. They live across the other side of the UK and I don’t feel concerned about them as they haven’t caused any issues for a long time and are not in a position to cause us trouble anymore. I guess because of them, I’ve always looked over my shoulder just in case, even though I know they can’t hurt me anymore and have no idea where we live. But the recent worrying about being out on my own is separate to this and only started recently with all the horrible things happening recently in the news.

Does anyone worry like this?

I don’t blame you, sadly it’s not a totally irrational fear.

You have to remember that despite recent incidents, random attacks on women by strangers are still incredibly rare (hence, in part, why they make the news.) The relative who you have a restraining order against is, statistically, the greater concern: thus it’s very good that you don’t believe they know where you are.

Having a dog must offer some comfort? They possibly won’t head off like Lassie to seek help, but they can help deter predators in the first place. You can also look into carrying an aerosol (not illegal, and sometimes just having something in your hand which you could use to disarm somebody can make you feel stronger.)

From my perspective, I refuse to allow myself to be scared by what might happen. If somebody wants to kill me then I’m dead and that’s that. I refuse to let fear hold me back from running after dark, walking home at midnight, exploring a deserted area, or just generally living my life on my own.

We live in an era when we're told to be constantly afraid. No wonder it's got to you.

You'll feel less afraid the more you go out, and more afraid the more you stay in.

Unfortunately horrible things have always happened. I am 51 and I don’t think that it has become any worse recently, if anything I feel it was worse when I was your age, less chance of being caught back then (DNA less developed).

Other than that, well I have always preferred to keep myself safe. So yes my freedom has been limited and no I have never walked home on deserted streets at 2am and won’t start now. I know that I should not be restricted like that, but I look at the steps I take to ensure my personal safety in a similar way to the steps I take to ensure my house and car are safe.