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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask friend why shes disappeared?

4 replies

1000yellowdaisies · 06/02/2022 20:38

My DH and i separated in September after 9 years of marriage and two DC (DD 6 and DS 3).
I also have a friend who i have been very close friends with since our first day of year 7 in high school many years ago... we went to high school, 6th form college and university together and we have lived together in the past when we were both single. Basically we are close and i am incredibly fond of her.
Ordinarily we would meet up fortnightly for dinner, drinks, even just popping in for coffee.

But knowing her so well i know her faults, as she does mine, and one of her faults is that she isnt really around when I'm going through things that are difficult or when things are not fun... i.e. when i rang her ten years ago to say my mum had cancer and was in hospital she didnt want to listen and kind of fobbed me off with 'oh I'm not very good at this sort of thing', and when i had a couple a miscarriages before i had DC i didn't hear from her or see her.

Anyway i knew she was pretty much a fair weather friend but it didn't bother me too much.
But since i told her DH moved out she has literally been awol. She dropped off presents over xmas on the doorstep but didnt come in as she 'left the engine running' for some reason and i have barely heard a peep from her at all. It is very noticeable.

I really don't know why... i havent fallen to pieces and i don't endlessly drone on about things wrong in my life so it would be draining.
But this morning i had a text from her asking to have lunch, breezy as you like. She clearly thinks the worst has passed and its safe to meet up and have fun again.

But i feel quite cross about it this time. Ive been through a big upheaval and other, supposedly less close friends have been more supportive.

AIBU to tell her I've been hurt by her absence?
Or is it never worth confronting people over what you feel are their faults and i need to accept her for what she is?

OP posts:
pictish · 06/02/2022 20:41

You can ask but I really don’t think you’ll get any joy from it. She’s a fun friend not a shoulder you can lean on.

GoodbyeKat · 06/02/2022 20:43

We’re they having an affair? She Sounds very weird

mdh2020 · 06/02/2022 20:43

Based on experience, she will disappear again. My advice is not to meet up with her and forget all about her.

Pl242 · 06/02/2022 21:11

I think only you can answer it. If you’re happy to accept her as a fair weather friend then continue. If you can’t get past this hurt/future hurt, they walk away from the friendship or call her out on it. She might not engage if you try and talk about it though. Doesn’t sound like she deals well with confrontation/emotional truths though.

I wouldn’t be able to let it go if I were you. I couldn’t respect someone like that.

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