So as not to drip feed, both husband and son have ADHD although not sure if it's relevant to this.
Our oldest son lost a heavy duty magnet this evening. It belongs to my husband, they've used it before for "magnet fishing" in the river. Basically pulling up bits of metal from the river which our son finds fascinating. He's 12. This afternoon, he took the magnet to the river (which is more of a stream) with my permission, as his Dad was asleep. When he came home, my husband was about to leave to start a work shift. Our son said he was a bit upset as the magnet had come away from the rope and he didn't know how, but said he knew where it was and could go back to find it when it was light enough tomorrow after school. He said he was sorry.
My husband immediately got arsey and started talking to our son as if he was stupid and a massive disappointment, holding up the end of the rope and saying "see?? It's come undone!!" I said "Ok, but it was an accident." I mean, the thing is already assembled, it's not like our son undid it and threw it in the water. He said "Obviously it was an accident!" But in a tone that suggested such accidents are unforgivable. I said I would buy him another, bearing in mind he only bought the magnet to retrieve something metal he himself lost, and it's not like it's a treasured bit of kit. Our son gets more out of it. He snapped "no, don't bother, I'm not wasting money on it again" and literally stomped out of the house, shut the door and drove away without saying goodbye to anyone.
Our son is pretty crushed, actually had tears in his eyes (unlike him) and said that now Dad is going to be off with him for days. Can't refute that, he massively has form for being short with people for days after a perceived "crime" against him. Earlier on today I asked him why he hadn't wiped his feet after coming inside, tracking mud all over the floor and from his reaction you'd think I'd called him a cunt. I asked him, quite sharply, "why are you speaking to me like that??" There was no need for it, all I did was remind him to wipe his feet. It's hardly as if he was going to trouble himself to clean up the floor!
Anyway, I went to message him and none of my messages are going through and my call went straight to voicemail. Like he's blocked me or put me on "do not disturb" or something. Obviously you're only hearing about this annoyance and not about all the things he's great at and all the reasons I love him, but I'm really getting downhearted with how nasty he is when something happens that he doesn't like and how unforgiving and grudge holding he is. It's so hurtful and I imagine this is how his mum
feels with his dad, who is similar with his coldness and spiteful refusal to move on.
Now I am here feeling anxious and frustrated and I know he knows that I will be. He knows how much stonewalling and nastiness like that affects me but it's like his go to if he's stressed with anything else. Today it was not having enough opportunity to sleep before a night shift, which will be my fault because I asked him to drive to get our other son from a party. I can drive, but have a horrible headache today and really wasn't feeling capable.
Aibu to be feeling sad, angry and disrespected?