Young teens gf/bf house rules?

[Scrunchcake]

Parenting teenagers is a new stage for me so I'd love a bit of mumsnet wisdom on this - I honestly don't know what's normal 🤷‍♀️

My ds is a young 13 and has had "girlfriends" for a little while now - typical Y6/7 stuff of agreeing you're going out, occasionally texting then studiously ignoring each other in school.

But now he's asked if his gf can come round to ours (for a couple of hours in the afternoon while us parents are in too). That's fine but I said to him she wouldn't be allowed in his bedroom which he was horrified by. We have no problem setting a clear rule and sticking by it, but I just want to see if we're unusually strict.

So at that age:

YABU = OK for them to be in DS's bedroom together with the door open

YANBU = no gf/bf in bedroom at all

I'd let them in the bedroom - surely that's the main place a dc entertains their friends? Where are you expecting them to spend time?

What precisely do you feel you a guarding against?

DS is pretty black and white about rules so I'm aiming to tell him a rule now that won't have to be tightened up when he's older. No problem with friends in his room - that happens all the time. We have a den / family room they can hang out in too.

What you going to do with them? Have cucumber sandwiches and the monopoly board out?
Let them go to his room they’ll probably play on his Xbox or whatever, listen to music and talk - I used to go upstairs when ds had girlfriends home and just chat through the door or ask if they wanted anything quite often they’d invite me in and and often the gf was asleep lol as sons bedroom was very small and warm and he’d beg me to be quiet so she’d stay asleep and he could play on his Xbox 😂

YANBU.

@Notmrsfitz I have put the card table out in the parlour in case they want me and DH to join them for a little Bridge. Is that not appropriate?

At that age I would have thought door open would be ok? Am I naive??

[quote Scrunchcake]@Notmrsfitz I have put the card table out in the parlour in case they want me and DH to join them for a little Bridge. Is that not appropriate?[/quote]
Sorry but if it's first gf to have round I don't think he wants to play bridge with his parents!

Room with door open is fine I think?! Isn't it the same as any other room really .....

Argh, sorry. I assumed it would be obvious that was a joke 🙈

I'm expecting them to be lolling about on their phones, facetiming friends, posting on insta and eating a load of snacks.

[quote Scrunchcake]@Notmrsfitz I have put the card table out in the parlour in case they want me and DH to join them for a little Bridge. Is that not appropriate?[/quote]
Sounds perfect
Make sure there are cucumber sandwiches available too

@Scrunchcake

Argh, sorry. I assumed it would be obvious that was a joke 🙈

I'm expecting them to be lolling about on their phones, facetiming friends, posting on insta and eating a load of snacks.

I got the joke! 🤣🤣

Let them stay in his room with the door open.

Of course. I'll get the best china out too 😀

Room with door open sounds reasonable from what everyone's saying. Thanks 😊

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, OP. When my 26 year old daughter was around the same age as your son, we also instilled the rule that she was not to go to a boy's house unless his parents were also at home, which we also turned round to fit her brother (now 17) when he was 12/13. No b/gfs were allowed in bedrooms with closed doors - even when my daughter was 19, her bf would appear and the bedroom door would stay open (her choice) and he never spent the night, because of her impressionable younger brother.

However... and this is the point you need to actually stop and consider, OP, not every parent will have the same rules or concern for their children as you do.

When my son was 14, he went to a girl's house, whose parents allowed him in her bedroom - and permitted the closing of the bedroom door... and leaving them "to it". She was also 14, my son wasn't her first - but (as I found out last year, when he forgot who he was talking to), she was his.

Had I known that her parents had such little concern, and a laxer sense of parenting than my own (IMO), then I would not have allowed him to go to her house. And his father (who still doesn't know) would go through the proverbial roof... which is why he doesn't know!

Teenagers, especially boys, however are walking hormones. And they'll have sex whereever and whenever - a bed, or even a room inside a warm house, isn't always a pre-requisite for them. So, good luck. OP, but no; I don't think YABU at all.

I have girls. No bf/gf in their bedrooms. Doors are open.

@contrary13…. My son is now 21 and he assures me that I am the best passion killer !!!
It appears my v small house and extremely loud interrogatory partner -if that’s not a word then insert nosey no hold barred question asker partner…. Killed off any potential passion 😂😂😂

The joke about the monopoly board and sandwiches is really on me as when he first asked for a girlfriend round I immediately asked but what will we do with her? And what will she even eat? (In fairness to me she was/is a strict pescatarian which I had in my mind meant she just ate fish 😂😂) and my loud nosey partner assured me the girlfriend would not need me to entertain her and if she was hungry then ds would have to
accommodate her request and if all else failed McDonald sell fillet o fish 😂😂😂