my 3 year old doesn't play independently at home?

[MiniHouse]

My 3 year old is confident, intelligent, polite, has an excellent vocabulary. I'm worried that he doesn't play on his own at home and he doesn't like us having conversations he isn't involved in. I've heard he does sometimes at preschool.

He always involves me and his dad. His dad is a very present father, most people have said he is more like a mum. I'm also quite present and happy to join in games and do minimum housework 😂.

Recently I've noticed friends kids will play quietly whilst adults talk whereas mine wont. For reference we don't put the TV on much to keep him quiet. But our friends little girl will just draw pictures whereas ours either runs around or would happily listen to stories but won't just play by himself.

I'm not looking for judgement like my mil said back in X year kids listen... etc

But if your kid was or is like this, or if you know kids like this did they grow out of it? Or if not do you recommend something to gradually change things?

I think it's the character of the child, two of mine never played on their own, are not teenagers and still much prefer being with other people than doing things alone. One of mine is the total opposite loves own company and has always been happy playing on their own. The others are a bit in between.

Some do this better than others so I wouldn't say your child is unusual. What does he do if you or dh don't join in?

It’s just different personalities. Kids are different.

Not sure what your AIBU is?

I think it’s the child, they’re all different. My friends daughter is like this and it is v hard work for her. Whereas her eldest has always been happy playing on his own. I know she’s done some reading about encouraging independent play and how to present toys to help with that, usually in a Montessori style way I think. It’s helped a bit but her dd just is who she is. Mine have all been a mix, one went from playing happily on his own for ages to suddenly wanting our involvement all the time. Only now at 6.5 has he started doing a little more on his own again.

When is he 4?

Don't compare! You ds sounds lovely. As pp said, they are all different.

Different children are different, I have one that hates their own company and another who flourishes in their own company.

As children, the one who hated being alone would follow me around the house and was constantly wanting to include me/ be included.

The one who loves their own company probably wouldn’t have noticed if I went out all day and left them alone as long as I left enough food and drink near them (just to be clear I never actually did this).

Mine was like this. He was never particularly into toys really. Once I taught him to read he was happier as he could immerse himself in a book!

It's partly a personality thing but also you do need to teach them to amuse themselves eg work out an activity they enjoy solo eg Lego, puzzles, drawing, play dough etc. it's not a skill they magically have, it's learned. It's also fine to use the tv sensibly when you need to do things or want adult conversation, save up programmes for these times eg I used to put it on as a treat when I was cooking dinner

Lots of children are like that - the night be playing alongside other children rather than with them.
All have different paces. He will be fine!

Not to stereotype but in my group of 8 NCT 3 year olds there are 5 boys, 3 girls. 4 out of the 5 boys including mine are like yours. All 3 girls ans one boy will sit and draw or colour or read for short periods.

Agree it is a personality thing but also possibly a birth order thing. Eldest is an extreme extrovert and craves attention. Youngest just gets on with it and she disappears a bit because she’s so good at just entertaining herself while the older one demands more and more.

Agree it's the personality, also I find girls better at occupying themselves, but again personality. My eldest needed to be heard and was always wanting someone to play with. My second was quite self contained. This has continued to late teens - my son is outgoing and social and needs to be busy, my daughter can entertain herself and couldn't care less what's going on with anyone else.

My son was like this too he plays a but more independently at 5 but generally likes to play with either of us. When we are having an adult conversation he sometimes sits there making silly noises or ups his volume. It drives me nuts but if I explain without getting annoyed that we are trying to talk he does stop.

It's funny that people have said they find girls better at occupying themselves. I have 2 boys. When my 5yo has boys over to play I don't see them for 2 hours. When he has girls over they've always wanted to come and see what I'm doing or ask me for things to play.

I reckon it's mainly a personality thing though and sometimes a bit of gentle training.