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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School commute

78 replies

TheSunIsStillShining · 06/02/2022 11:02

HI,

What do you think is a realistic expectation for a secondary school kid (16) to commute. School starts at 8.30, finishes 4.30.

Both H and me had a max 20m walk to all our schools, our friends never did more than 30m, but this was in diff country/city.

Son says max 20m. But that leaves us within a circle of very high rent area (so no point moving) and we want to move to a lower rent area, but they are about an hour or a bit more away.

At the moment we live 8m walk from his school. so that doesn't help the argument.

Some clarification:

we are not letting our kid govern our lives, but it has to be good for all 3 of us
we both wfh FT, so that is not an aspect to be considered
we want to find a compromise that works for us, but am interested to hear how much other ppl's kids travel
we offered the option for him to use my small moped, but he flat out refused. Car is out of the question.

OP posts:

MermaidEyes · 06/02/2022 12:41

@TheSunIsStillShining

help me out on driving: can a 17 yr old drive alone with a provisional licence? I think I've read that s/he can only drive with an experienced driver by their side for a year or so. Hence the moped idea. Which he hates. I hate it in the winter too tbh.

And btw - thanks for everyone on their views so far :)

No, they can only drive alone when they've passed their test.

titchy · 06/02/2022 12:42

@TheSunIsStillShining

And btw - thanks for everyone on their views so far :)

They can drive on their own once they've passed their test. Which could be a week after their 17th birthday (weeks intensive course for example) or many many many years after if they keep failing....

onedayoranother · 06/02/2022 12:43

My daughter had a five minute walk to school up to age 16. We moved (for her new school being half the reason), and we agreed the tube/walk would be no more than 45 minutes. Despite what Google said, as it turns out if she was to do the walk at the home end it would be an hour, and as she's generally running late I give her a lift to the station, at the end of the day she walks back. Her school is 8.20-4 or 4.30. She's fine with it other than wishing she had longer in bed in the mornings!
So I'd say 45 is ok and not unreasonable if there are circumstances that require it.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/02/2022 12:44

Can't you just stay put til he is finished at that school? If he is 16 now he won't have long left

Pinetreesfall · 06/02/2022 12:45

I had an hour walk, 20 mins train and then another 30 mins walk the other end. Left home 7am and got home 5.30. This was completely normal and done by most of us from 11. I'm 33 for reference and that was between Berkshire towns.
My sons nursery is an hour away by foot and I still think that's close based on my school journey experience!

Original poster

TheSunIsStillShining · 06/02/2022 12:47

@RedskyThisNight
Why is moving schools so absolutely out of the question
because we have chosen this specific school for what it offers and the academic high targets they set. Which is high above any other offerings that I know of. So, if we have committed time and money for the past 5 years we will not throw that away. And also, more importantly: he doesn't want to move from this school. He went to 3 primaries beforehand, so we move schools when needed (always because of school, not rent, or moving to other part of London). Unless he wants to move or we lose all our income overnight he stays.

OP posts:

TeenPlusCat · 06/02/2022 12:51

Round us (Hants) it isn't unusual for kids to need to do an hour door to door to get to 6th form. For various reasons we are driving our DD which takes me 1hr round trip, but if she went on the bus it would be an hour each way. She's in 4 days/week.

There is a big difference between doing the journey for 2 years+1term at age 16-18 than for 7 years starting age 11.

I'd try to aim for under 45mins I think.

ittakes2 · 06/02/2022 12:53

I have twins - one walks 20mins to school the other has an hour bus ride. I wouldn't recommend it - the one on the bus is not only exhausted but her friends live ages away so she is isolated.
He's 16 - I would suck up the next two years while he does his A levels at the same school and then move. By then he will be considering next steps so you can move wherever you want!

Original poster

TheSunIsStillShining · 06/02/2022 12:54

He still has 2 years left after this one.
Thanks for the licence answers! Not sure that in London driving is the best alternative to any commute related question in London - ever :)

In the meantime I did some more digging on zoopla and I'm here to thank everyone for their replies but it is a 90% chance we are not moving. Anything that would be a feasible option money wise (same type of place, but at least 40% cheaper) is more than an hour and some away. Which makes this whole discussion hypothetical as that is too much time.

But it was still interesting/reassuring to see that the majority is in the 30-45mins per way camp.

London rents are just messed up big time.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheSunIsStillShining · 06/02/2022 12:59

After he finishes we are not even sure we want to stay in this country. He pitched the idea of going to an EU uni and we should move with him :) or Japan. Or Calif/Massachusetts :)

Good thing is that most/some EU unis have state funded places (for EU citizens, which he is), which always helps. And any US uni he has to get a scholarship as we are not footing the bill for that. So pretty much out of the question, but nice to dream about a big house with a pool near sunny Stanford :D

OP posts:

Dishwashersaurous · 06/02/2022 13:01

I think that realistically you need to probably stay where you are for another two and a half years. After all a levels normally finish in June.

Then you can move anywhere in the whole country without school.

So you can think of it as a project for the next couple of years to plan exactly where you want to move to. Spend weekends researching different areas, comparing rents and commute times. I feel a spreadsheet coming on.

You've sucked up London rent prices for at least 16 years you can do a couple more and then move to wherever you want

HappyDays40 · 06/02/2022 13:07

Bus? It's normal here up in the grim North fir kids to meet their own way to school from 11 onwards on the bus

Original poster

TheSunIsStillShining · 06/02/2022 13:08

@Dishwashersaurous
the satire is not lost on me. But I need to correct you on 2 points:

It's been only 9.5 years as we moved to the UK in 2012.
Never had a spreadsheet for this :) You could provide one, surely, as a sample on how to do it properly?

OP posts:

Bitbloweyoutthere · 06/02/2022 13:08

Ds is in yr 7. He has a 30 min walk to school. He meets a mate halfway, to break it up. He does it in all weathers and hasn't complained once.

Dishwashersaurous · 06/02/2022 13:11

Genuinely not satire.

And I love a good spreadsheet. Have had lots of them. Think it would be really fun to Genuinely think that I could move anywhere. You've even added in the rest of the world to the equation.

Pinkdelight3 · 06/02/2022 13:29

As it's an indy, is there no school transport? Then you could move further away but still live en route.

Original poster

TheSunIsStillShining · 06/02/2022 13:58

@Dishwashersaurous

ok, not satire, I'm up for the challenge, then let's play with the idea :)
not xls though as I work with them and don't mix work with pleasure.

So far what we looked at

some major german cities and outskirts of them - but not Berlin. Would cost us half for a 100 sqm flat or house
Madrid, Barcelona
Italy - but that was very random places, not anywhere near anything big really
US sunny states, like calif, florida. half of what we pay here would have a house with swimming pool on outskirts of big cities like san diego, san fran.....

or outskirts of boston

scandi countries - much cheaper.

Anywhere we looked at was cheaper. But we did exclude Berlin, Paris, New York, Washington and Tokyo.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheSunIsStillShining · 06/02/2022 13:59

@Pinkdelight3

As it's an indy, is there no school transport? Then you could move further away but still live en route.

If you say the bill you'd know it's not an option. Taxi twice a day would probs be cheaper. 7-900 per term. no way. And their routes are not really flexible.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheSunIsStillShining · 06/02/2022 14:00

Actually not rest of the world, just parts of the US and Japan. Others are not up for consideration. Remember - it has to have a top notch uni nearby :) Just to make the game harder.

OP posts:

Avarua · 06/02/2022 14:13

Can't believe no-one mentioned skateboard? I'm not from the UK but most kids going to secondary here ride a skateboard or an electric scooter. A few ride bikes (electric bikes too). Maybe it's a climate thing.

Dishwashersaurous · 06/02/2022 14:22

Ha. I was thinking Boston as well....

Original poster

TheSunIsStillShining · 06/02/2022 14:45

Have you been to London??? The cracked pavements make it impossible to skate properly. I tried as I was a big skater/skateboarder.
And son hates it :(
sometimes he is too much like his dad....

OP posts:

Dunelmer · 06/02/2022 17:22

Have you send house prices around Stanford? Good luck!

Dunelmer · 06/02/2022 17:23

*Seen

Original poster

TheSunIsStillShining · 06/02/2022 18:52

By Stanford I did mean quite a large are. :) but for dreaming I don't need actual prices. That is the least likely target, so I'll keep dreaming

OP posts:

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