School commute

[TheSunIsStillShining]

HI,

What do you think is a realistic expectation for a secondary school kid (16) to commute. School starts at 8.30, finishes 4.30.

Both H and me had a max 20m walk to all our schools, our friends never did more than 30m, but this was in diff country/city.

Son says max 20m. But that leaves us within a circle of very high rent area (so no point moving) and we want to move to a lower rent area, but they are about an hour or a bit more away.

At the moment we live 8m walk from his school. so that doesn't help the argument.

Some clarification:

• we are not letting our kid govern our lives, but it has to be good for all 3 of us
• we both wfh FT, so that is not an aspect to be considered
• we want to find a compromise that works for us, but am interested to hear how much other ppl's kids travel
• we offered the option for him to use my small moped, but he flat out refused. Car is out of the question.

Would he be 1 hour from everything if you moved? Friends, activities, town centre? That wouldn't be attractive to me at 16, OP and could lead to him missing out socially and for employment opportunities.

Is there public transport? 1 hour walk is too far imo, but if there was a regular 15 minute bus that makes a difference.

Is it rural? Do you currently live somewhere rural? For you and DH working from home, the space, savings and freedom not to have to travel daily make it better option for you, but limiting for a 16 year old. Could you wait til he finishes school and moves out?

Is this for a sixth form or college? If so you should check whether he will actually be doing those hours every day. A lot of sixth forms and colleges only do 2/3 days a week, or sometimes only mornings or afternoons. Therefore he could end up spending more time commuting than actually being in school.

I went an hour to 6th form, dd1 went 30 minute walk or I dropped her as near my work, dd2 went 30 mins by bike from 14 then boarded for 6th form. Lots of kids travel for 6th form

Given that he's only got two years left I'd prioritise what is the best option for him educationally. If that means he moves to a sixth form an hour away, or stays where he is so be it. You wanting a cheaper rent shouldn't really factor into anything.

If moving to a cheaper area means he has to go to a crap school I'd regard that as awful parenting. And that's not letting him govern your lives - it's being a supportive and good parent.

Does depend where though. In London an hour + is to travel in the same borough, so obviously friends etc all nearby

My son’s school is about 50 mins drive away, just over an hour on the school bus. He finds it really tough going but he loves his school and they have long holidays. Most of his class have a similar commute in they all just get on with it.

we are not letting our kid govern our lives, but it has to be good for all 3 of us

So what are the benefits to your DS of you moving an hour away? Will he get a bigger room, more space, easier to get to places he wants to go? At the moment this sounds like a move that is great for you and your DH and only has downsides for your DS.

If the journey is an hour or more away that means in practice him leaving the house at 7.15am and not getting back until nearly 6pm. Potentially an even longer day if some of that relies on waiting for public transport. I think that's way too much.

My DD leaves 7:30, 15 min walk to bus stop, bus at 7:50, gets to school 8:30.
School finishes 3:10 she gets home 4pm.

DS gets the bus at 7.30am and gets home about 5.45pm. Bus is about 45mins. He is at 6th form. He copes (they all pretty much look at their phone on the bus)

For young people with SEN a secondary age school child's maximum commute time seen as reasonable would be 1 hour 15 minutes and for primary 45 minutes. Dd post 16 is 45 minutes door to door by car if traffic is flowing but can be double that occasionally.

Over an hour is way too much in my opinion. But what's his objection to scooter and how long would that take? My school was 45 mins (nearest option), I mostly cycled but occasionally walked or was offered lift. Or once I had passed driving test my parents would sometimes lend me car in exchange for taking siblings.

Tbh I'd wait a couple years then you can move to wherever you like and school won't be a consideration.

Bicycle makes 5km cycle quicker than 20 mins. Electric bike if needed.

@jc3215

Up to an hour on a bus I wouldn't mind but I would never allow my child to walk more than 20 minutes to school.

What happens if your dc walk for more than 20min? Mine have 30-40 min each way as part of their physio plan. They don't always achieve it but it builds their strength up when they can.

I think an hour is probably a bit far but 30-40min gives them a good amount of exercise but not too far.

Do you mean walking and only walking? I would say up to 30 minutes by walking and 45 minutes door to door by bus is acceptable.
What is his problem with over 20 minutes commute? Long day, potential tiredness, bad weather, doesn’t like walking, physically struggles with walking, not feel confident enough for a long commute or just being lazy and doesn’t want to move out of the area because it’s comfortable atm?

I did an hour each way as a kid. Absolutely no issue with this.

I walked 20 mins to bus, 25 min on bus which was fine. More than an hour is a lot, especially if local friends, activities etc

Sorry to have left out key points (obvs. I know them and it never occurred to say)

• we live on the zone2/3 border in London
• moving school is out of the questions. It's an indy one and I've checked they have a full schedule in the last 2 years as well. to my utter surprise.

The frustration is that we don't want to move to the middle of nowhere, just to a nice, cheaper area close by. Distance wise it wouldn't even be that far (same borough, but the other side). But in London everything takes ages to get to.....

Of course we will figure it out and it is not an immediate issue until may or so, but it is good to hear other's experiences and see what is the common thing/expectation and regarded as acceptable.

Ps.: my H used to commute more than 3 hours a day for 2 years. And because of pickup from school he left at 5.30 am. I started at 10-11am and finished by 7-8, got home between 9-10. Not fun times.

So the plan is to keep him at his existing school? Yeah you really should have mentioned that!

In which case, up to 45 mins, maybe even an hour, perfectly acceptable commutes at sixth form.

Would putting some of the rent money saved towards driving lessons be a sweetener?

any form of commute from door to door.

In the area we live in there is no tube, both train and the 2 buses going to school are every 30mins only. It is an effed up part of town....
closest tube is 20-25m walk with no option of public transport.
We have a moped because of living in such an effed part of London, otherwise it took me 1.5+ hrs to get into work. with the moped it was 45 mins. (and I can't recall how many times I've been called a delivery guy :))
And at that point (3 yrs ago) we prioritized our kid walking to school alone above family needs.
To be fair we are very happy to actually be wfh in the longrun :)

My kids walk 20 mins in the morning but take about 40 mins walking back.

I think that a straight forward journey is more important than necessarily how long. How's public transport where you are or plan to move ? A straight forward single bus ride or train journey is acceptable imo.

Have you considered a new school near the destination for year 12?

Remember this is not just about commuting to school. Presumably his friends will now be equally hard to get to. And at age 16-18, being able to meet up with friends is a really big thing.
Why is moving schools so absolutely out of the question (I'm assuming he's currently in Year 11, so it's a natural break point?) Though I guess it might be too late to apply to some places by now.

help me out on driving: can a 17 yr old drive alone with a provisional licence? I think I've read that s/he can only drive with an experienced driver by their side for a year or so. Hence the moped idea. Which he hates. I hate it in the winter too tbh.

And btw - thanks for everyone on their views so far :)

No you can’t drive alone until you pass your driving test

So an hour walk gives you a four mile circumference. How much cheaper is it?

Will he stay at the same school for six form, or move? So he's got either one or three more years of school.

Could you wait until he's finished school and then you could move anywhere