AIBU if I decline going on hen do?

[pandyandy1]

A close relative of mine is getting married, for the third time.
I love my relative very much and am just very happy that she is happy, after a rough time (and I did enjoy her two previous hen parties,) but this hen party is a weekend away in an expensive city, and (given that I rarely get away for any breaks with my own husband these days - which I would love to do,) I'm thinking of declining the invitation.

*The reason my husband and I don't get much time off together (or even holidays as a family) is because we have children with additional needs.

(My husband is encouraging me to go, but my gut feeling is that if I am going to spend a few hundred pounds, I would rather try to secure the right childcare and have a couple of nights away with him.)

AIBU - go on the hen do, it's family.

YANBU - you will not be seen as a cow.

Just say you'll go to the next one?

YANBU - save your time and money for something you truly want to do, rather than this weekend. No point doing things out of obligation.

@nocoolnamesleft

Just say you'll go to the next one?

😂😂

Not unreasonable at all especially if it’s expensive. I’d say you can’t but you’ll do a special dinner with her or something to celebrate.
I would’ve been very understanding if it was my hen do, particularly if it was the 3rd one.

YANBU, you really don’t have to go if you don’t want to. Just say your DH has an important work event or some other slightly dull but dutiful reason you can’t attend!

Sounds to me like your DH is saying go and enjoy the break, you deserve it.

How easy will it be to secure the childcare you need for a weekend with DH? And is it really out if the question to do both?

I wouldn’t worry about saying no at all, but it seems a shame to miss out when your DH is so supportive of you going.

Would you go if it was her first rather than third?
I think it's ok to not go if you genuinely can't afford to but suggest that you have a night out in your home town to celebrate, so she knows that you support her.

I suppose I find it odd she's having a third hen party for her third marriage. I'd have thought by the time the third wedding came around everything would be a bit more low-key as she's done everything twice before.

So I'd have no problem saying I couldn't make it/ afford it but I hope she has a good time and I'll see her at the wedding. Times are hard enough right now without being expected to fork out for a third time.

@nocoolnamesleft

Just say you'll go to the next one?

🤣🤣

YANBU, nah give it a miss!

YANBU, by my third marriage there would be no hen-do and it'd be a cheapo jobby down the registry office.

Seriously though, these hens are getting ridiculous, you end up spending £100's on a hen do, then a wedding gift, then lots of times accommodation for the wedding and even flights if a destination do, it's getting crazy.

Don’t go. You don’t want to. Time and money are precious, choose how you spend both and make it something you’ll really enjoy.

Use this as an opportunity to sort something lovely with your husband.

As the general consensus is that I'm not being unreasonable - I'm going to have a chat with my relative tomorrow and suggest we do something nice (ie meal) but local, nearer the wedding.

Thank you

Totally. It unreasonable not to go. Offer to do something fun some other time. Marriage one or marriage three people who expect you to spend money and time on a hen do have to understand that not everyone will be able to go.

Definitely not U not to go. Don't come up with a lie like others have said though, just be honest with her - she'll understand. If she doesn't then she's not worth your time anyway

@nocoolnamesleft

Just say you'll go to the next one?