Would you say something about this?.

[SamanthaHP]

My sons father hasn't been in his life for 3 years. He is 4 now. He walked away and hasn't asked or seen him in all this time. He met someone 2 years ago and they have a baby who was born not long ago. I have him blocked on all social media but someone I know recently told me he has his other sons name written on his Facebook at the top of his profile along with his girlfriends name and his job title. AIBU to think whether he sees his first child or doesnt care about him its still out of order to totally disregard a child like that. It doesn't surprise me he did this as he has acted like he doesnt exist in real life for 3 years never mind social media but one part of me would love to go to town about it for the principal of it thinking about how my child will feel if he sees that when he is older. I can tell my son when he is older in a less hurtful way but how can I explain yeah your dad just didn't include you as one of his children and made that clear publicly. The other part of me thinks I should just leave him to his lowlife behaviour. What would you all do? I'm probably over thinking this but when you have a child you over analyse everything to protect their feelings dont you. Hopefully my son will grow up not caring as he has a great mum and plenty of my family around him.

Well of course it is not on. But no, I wouldn’t say anything, what is the point.

Does he pay maintenance at all? If not make sure he starts. I wonder whether his new partner even knows about his child with you.

Unfortunately what he chooses to post on his social media is up to him and on the basis he has chosen to walk away from you and your child I assume you are not really that surprised but just understandably hurt that he hasn't done the same to someone else's

However there will be no reason whatsoever to discuss with your son what he has on his social media now or ever.

Hello thanks for the replies. Just for more info we split up during pregnancy. My choice as he showed me who he was during that time. He saw our son for a year before deciding it was too much for him. He does pay I made sure he did through cms. Yes i wouldn't ever bring that up with my son I just mean when he gets older and might see it himself.

It would look like you wanted something from him if you complained about his Facebook bio...

I think whatever happens your son will be hurt in the future and this will be the least of his worries.

Rest in the knowledge that at least you’re no longer with this scum of a man.

Is he paying maintenance? Make sure you get every penny you’re entitled to.

You obviously don’t tell your son what you’ve seen on social media, even when he’s older. I wouldn’t say anything to your ex, it won’t achieve anything. Your son is far better off without him by the sound of it, I’d be annoyed too if I was you though.

I think of all the crappy things this man has done to your child, his facebook bio is probably pretty far down the list in my view.

Its far down the list in my view too. The bottom actually but its something my son could see with his own eyes in the future and I can't protect him from that whereas I can protect him from the nasty text messages where he has previously stated vile things in the past about not giving a damn etc if you know what I mean as he won't ever see that.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh OP, it's not meant to be, but your son will see the effects of not having this man in his life. He will see him not visiting, not being there for birthdays and xmas.

Yes you can protect him from text messages. But I imagine that by the time your son is old enough to go on social media he will already have a fair idea what a dick his father is. To be fair by that time all the young kids will possibly be using something other than facebook, so he may never even go there.

@gaspingGekko no I totally agree with you on that. Children work the truth out themselves. Its just a shame I even need to worry about it.

Ermmmm nope? Why would you contact someone who you haven’t spoken to in 3 years? It will only look sad and petty (sorry if that’s harsh) and even if you told him someone else told you he won’t believe you. My ex doesn’t see our kids at all and on his dating profile he puts that he has no kids, I would never message him to comment on it. He chose not to be involved, you can’t force someone to be a dad, wouldn’t it be weirder if you did have your child’s name on there considering he doesn’t see him? Your child is only 4, so how will he know it’s there? Doubt it will still be there in 14 years time if he decides to look for him

This man is not worth a moment of your thought. You cannot make him visit/love your son. You wonder at the ‘other woman’, how can she accept a man who has no contact with first child? Maybe she doesn’t know. The awful thing is, that no matter how great you and your family are, your child will one day ask about dad, or find out about him, search him out, and the knob can welcome this grown child as if on Long Lost Family, even making you out as the wrong’un. You want to protect your child, don’t want him to be diminished by his dad’s rejection, but you can do nothing but stand by and watch as he uses social media to track his dad down. All you can do is to be there to pick up the pieces. If he asks you about why his dads not in his life, tell him truthfully, when he’s old enough. My granddaughter,whose dad left when she was 2, has never shown any desire to meet him. He has tried, when she was 16, then 18, to reconnect, but she refused. She’s got a great mum, never had any man live in their home, but is the most grounded, wonderful young woman, with a degree, great job and a fab life. Two parents are not obligatory.

RedCandyApple to be fair he couldn't win either way because yeah id think he had an absolute cheek if he did put his name on there considering he's no dad to him and never has been. I was only thinking of my sons feelings if he ever saw that in the future. By the sounds of it your ex is just the same.

Murdoch1949 everything you say is so right. Maybe she doesn't know I'm not sure. I know its terrible. I will always be honest with him when he is old enough to understand. Thats great to hear about your daughter and grandaughters relationship. Two parents definitley aren't always necessary for a child to thrive and have a happy and fulfilled life.