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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Another Facebook one...

18 replies

Honeysuckle45 · 05/02/2022 13:49

Before I start...yes I know I have the option to unfollow which I think I will do but just wanted to hear peoples opinions really.

Have a friend on FB - we aren't hugely close and I don't see her often but due to family ties she isn't someone I can just block and ignore. She struggled to have her two children and eventually had them through IVF several years ago. But all she does is complain about them on Facebook. Perhaps complain is the wrong word. But she is always always attention seeking looking for support when it comes to their various ailments. One is autistic and she goes into massive detail over their behaviour including specific situations and how the child has behaved. For example "that's the last time we ever try to go to the farm. Child had a complete meltdown, bit me, screamed at me and did x y z".

I find it uncomfortable and unfair that the child (who is late primary school age) is having all of their behaviour publicly broadcast like this. The worst thing is when well meaning people comment with advice she just says "we've tried that doesn't work" or if someone else with an autistic child offers solidarity she says things like "well I really don't think your kid could be as bad."

Aibu to find this irritating? Before having children she would often post about how heartbroken she was and how hard it was to see everyone get pregnant when she couldn't. Now she has the kids she complains about them in the most personal of ways! I guess she is just a huge over sharer but it does seem a bit much to document your childs worst moments to the world.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 05/02/2022 13:58

She does sound irritating.
Nobody can possibly have it worse than her, of course...

WhoppingBigBackside · 05/02/2022 14:01

Could you suggest that she might find a forum that deals with parenting issues helpful?

Littlescottiedog · 05/02/2022 14:03

It sounds like she could be down about the whole situation and perhaps lacking people in real life she can off-load onto. The thinking her situation is the worst and there's nothing that can be done to improve it sounds quite sad, tbh.

pictish · 05/02/2022 14:06

She sounds like a negative person who revels in competitive misery. You do get them.

Comedycook · 05/02/2022 14:08

Yabvu

Loads of people desperately want children and when they do, find it unbelievably hard. Reminds me of the phrase, be careful what you wish for. Add a child with sn into the mix and it's really tough. She is just venting her frustrations.

TigerLilyTail · 05/02/2022 14:11

I think people who suffered from infertility can offer suffer from a lot of anxiety over parenthood.

You can unfollow her posts rather than unfriend her.

I've done this to a few people whose posts I find stressful. If you miss something important they post just blame it on Facebook algorithms screwing up your feed.

TigerLilyTail · 05/02/2022 14:13

Sorry I just realised you did say you would unfollow her.

I do agree that she should respect her childrens privacy more. Other parents may talk to their kids about stuff she has posted.

Honeysuckle45 · 05/02/2022 14:16

She is incredibly negative.

What I find most uncomfortable is that this child's behaviour is clearly challenging and problematic. But is it fair to tell everyone on your Facebook list about it? As adults we are probably all guilty about sharing stuff relating to our kids without thinking of them consenting or whatever but generally it's happy, positive stuff. Not constant moans and specific details about their latest meltdown. I suppose I feel a bit sorry for the child and I wonder what the point is if she's just going to ignore any advice she's given anyway.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 05/02/2022 14:23

I really dislike people posting negatively about their children on social media it's a huge invasion of their privacy and potentially humiliating. I also find it frustrating when Sen children are held accountable for their actions when they have clearly been placed in a situation beyond their capabilities.

Takingabreakagain · 05/02/2022 14:25

YANBU it's not fair to the child. Even unconsciously people who know here will have preconceived ideas about them and how they behave if all people see are complaints. Also as the child gets to secondary school and maybe get their own FB they will be able to see how the mum has spoken about them and I think that will have a negative impact on their relationship. I feel sorry for the child in this situation

Purpleraspberry · 05/02/2022 14:26

It sounds to me like she uses Facebook to cry out for help and support as her child's behaviour gets her down. Just because someone once needed IVF to have her child doesn't mean she can't be upset over behaviour issues, and I don't think she is necessarily saying anything bad about the child. However, I can understand why constant posts like this would be irritating too, and I'd just unfollow her so you no longer see them.

UserBot9to5 · 05/02/2022 14:30

It's tough having a child with autism. My dc2 has PDA and it has made everything harder. I don't talk about it much, it depresses me.

Youdoyoutoday · 05/02/2022 14:32

That wouldn't sit right with me either.

Honeysuckle45 · 05/02/2022 14:33

I absolutely think she deserves support, the things she describes sound very hard. I also don't think that just because she struggled to have her kids she should be eternally grateful everyday and never moan about anything. Parenting is hard for everyone.

As others have said, it's just a privacy/over sharing issue for the child really. This isn't a toddler and before long she may have Facebook herself and could stumble on some of these posts.

Venting is fine, I'm just not sure Facebook is the right place for it.

OP posts:
UserBot9to5 · 05/02/2022 14:34

I agree with you. I don't talk about my son's challenges because hopefully one day he'll be 'out there' working, interacting with people in our community. I don't want them thinking ''oh that lad has autism''

Avocadoandlemons · 05/02/2022 14:51

YANBU

There are other ways to vent frustration.

Ones which also keep the child's privacy.

IsabelHerna · 07/02/2022 12:25

Oh no she does sound annoying! I don't know how I would react, but atm I'm undergoing IVF and seeing parents behave like this makes me so angry!

Nowayoutonlydown · 07/02/2022 12:33

YANBU
I deleted and blocked DHs cousin because she would post this sort of thing about her daughter from the age of 12 or 13. By the time her daughter was 14 she had a whole group of people digging into the daughter as replies to the posts.

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