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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My friends wedding

18 replies

suitcase93 · 05/02/2022 12:04

My friend got engaged last year. I say “friend”, we used to be quite close growing up but she stopped bothering with me when she met her fiancé but our mums are still best friends.

She asked me to be her maid of honour. I was surprised as we hadn’t really spoken in years but I said yes. I thought maybe she was trying to reconnect and of course the mums thought it was a lovely idea.

Then I find out she’s booked the wedding on the day of my 30th birthday. I was a little upset because me and my partner were planning to go away for my birthday but I suppose she will only get married once, I will have a birthday every year.

Then she sent me pictures of 2 bridesmaid dresses and asked me which one I prefer. One had sleeves and the other was strapless. I told her I prefer the one with the sleeves because I am very self conscious about my breasts and I hate them being out. (I’ve always been like this and she knows from when we were teens) but she bought the strapless dress for me because it matches better with hers. I suppose I can’t complain since she paid for it but when I asked if I could wear a little cardigan or something with it, she said no it would ruin everything!

I’ve spoken to my mum about it and she told me I am just jealous because she is engaged before me and to get over it. Perhaps I am a little bit jealous but I know my time will come. 

I am already dreading going to this wedding.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or is my friend turning a bit bridezilla?

OP posts:
Susu49 · 05/02/2022 12:17

She's certainly being quite selfish, I think.

I'm really failing to understand why she wants you as her MOH (and that's not a slur to you)...Do you have any communication outside of wedding arrangements?

I wouldn't usually say this but I'd consider stepping down Confused

BobMortimersTrout · 05/02/2022 12:18

Your 'friend' is already being a bride I'll, and that's an AWFUL thing for your mum to say. Do you really want to be her maid of honour? All sounds a bit forced

GrowingUpIsATrap · 05/02/2022 12:22

I would politely decline now if I were you.
I have been there and done that with other people's weddings, its your special birthday and instead you're going to be feeling self conscious all day in a dress you don't like. I would tell her your boyfriend had booked a special weekend away for your birthday as a surprise and you can't change it. You aren't even good friends with her so it's very strange she has asked you to be MOH.

Motnight · 05/02/2022 12:28

Get out now before it gets even worse.

strawberry2017 · 05/02/2022 12:29

Step away now, tell her whilst you appreciate the honour you feel that someone she's closer too would be a better choice. Then get on with your life guilt free because she's not a friend and you don't need her in your life.

SnowyPetals · 05/02/2022 12:36

Why did she offer a choice of dress if she'd already decided which one she was going to buy? I really don't understand brides who put their perception of the look of the photos above the comfort of the wedding party.

RockinHorseShit · 05/02/2022 12:37

You only turn 30 once too. She's is being a cow. Step away & sod the flack from your DM, she's meant to have your back, not the crap friends back

SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2022 12:40

Omg how amazing your DP booked you a surprise trip meaving just before your wedding and he didn't realise it clashed with the wedding. Better step out now so she can replace you with someone else she doesn't like very much. Have a great holiday! Tell him to get booking you a surprise Very quickly

Tricked2003 · 05/02/2022 12:41

This sounds so strange.... I don't understand why she asked you to be MOH if you are no longer close? Who are tbe other?
bridesmaids

RampantIvy · 05/02/2022 12:45

I agree that you should step down now. Has she already paid for the dress?

SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2022 12:48

@Tricked2003

This sounds so strange.... I don't understand why she asked you to be MOH if you are no longer close? Who are tbe other? bridesmaids
Lack of actual friends would be my guess. Then mom saying oh I was talking to Audrey about your wedding, you should have Gemma as your moh. Ooh won't that be lovely. We'll who else would you have?
Chloemol · 05/02/2022 12:49

Life is short, you haven’t been in touch for years, she will know it’s your birthday, and she is a bridezilla

Personally I would be dropping her a line saying that’s for asking me to be moh, but it’s obvious from the dress situation you are not interested in what i have to say, and you know I won’t be comfortable in the dress you have chosen so it’s best I step back. As you know it’s my birthday on your wedding day and as it’s my 30th so a special one, we are going away. I hope it goes well

Your mum doesn’t sound nice either from her comment

CurzonDax · 05/02/2022 12:50

Can you not ask her to compromise? Wear the dress in its own for ceremony and all the photos afterwards, then put on a cardigan for the reception (especially as it will probably get colder in evening!). It therefore wouldn't ruin her 'lion's for images, but you can be more comfortable for the more relaxed part of the day.

Your mum's comment was disgusting.

WineIsMyMainVice · 05/02/2022 12:52

Get out now while you still can. I wouldn’t ordinarily say that but this whole situation sounds awful! It will only get worse too!

Idontliketuesdays · 05/02/2022 13:07

Get out quickly. You have every excuse, it’s your 30th and why shouldn’t that be as important. And then you can wear whatever you want too. It wasn’t nice of her to ask you which dress and then pick the one you didn’t like. Not nice at all op.

Idontliketuesdays · 05/02/2022 13:09

And your mum’s comment was nasty, why would she say such a thing to her own daughter. You should absolutely do what you want to do, on your own birthday!

AfterSchoolWorry · 05/02/2022 15:31

I'd wager you aren't the first choice for MOH. I'd imagine she's had difficulty filling the role. I think you're being used.

sunshinesupermum · 05/02/2022 15:36

Definitely a bridezilla making you wear a dress you feel uncomfortable in.

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