Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To miss my son...

17 replies

MumofAdultMIA · 04/02/2022 21:05

...to be clear we live under the same roof. He's 20, he's young for his age (so probably closer to 17/18) and due to Covid...even younger. It's just the two of us and I feel like we live on other sides of the universe for the amount of communications and interaction I get from him. I miss my child. Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:

SpottedOnMN · 04/02/2022 21:07

I know the feeling! My eldest (who likes to spend time with me) has gone off to uni and my youngest never comes out of his room.

Lime37 · 04/02/2022 21:12

I think everyone with a late teen feels like this. They will come back don’t worry

ilovemybeachhut · 04/02/2022 21:12

They come back in some shape or form eventually, but at least you are more like equals then. It's all part of the letting go process. Sad but necessary.

PonyPatter44 · 04/02/2022 21:21

Yes, I get you. My DD works evenings in a local pub, plus she goes to cadets and goes out with her friends on the few spare evenings she has. I work 'normal' office hours, so I see her for an hour or two in the evenings at best. Sometimes she comes to pub quiz, and it is actually really nice that she likes to spend an evening with DP and me. But yes, I miss her.

Original poster

MumofAdultMIA · 04/02/2022 21:24

@PonyPatter44 you're lucky that she wants to actually spend time with you. I can only talk to my DS through a closed door because being in the same room as me is apparently offensive to him

OP posts:

PickledOnionSandwich · 04/02/2022 21:26

My son (18) has got his first girlfriend so they’re all loved up and I never see him now 😢

bluelemming · 04/02/2022 21:29

Same here. I feel sad about it too. I miss him, although he lives in the same house.

ponkydonkey · 04/02/2022 21:35

As soon as my son now 18 was roughly about 12/13 I mourned for my child

He's lovely but not that same kid, I actually mourned his childhood. Cried a lot and lamented all the times we had.

I have a younger child too, but he's just turned 9 and I know what's coming. Maybe I'll deal with it better maybe I'll be worse!!
Because t I totally understand how you feel

ShellieEllie · 04/02/2022 21:39

I felt as though I 'lost' my son for several years in his teens. I'm pleased to say he returned in his early 20s and our bond is stronger than ever. It's a tough time for you but I'm sure you will get him back.

Abridget7 · 04/02/2022 21:46

My son is only 2yrs nearly 3 but I dread the day he doesn't want to spend time with me. Trying to make the most if it.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 04/02/2022 21:54

My youngest is 18. Graduated High School in June (we are in America) and started working full time in a restaurant. He still lives with me, but I rarely see him. For a long time he was my little buddy (he is much younger then his 2 older brothers). Its weird finding stuff to do with just my dh after decades of planning things around children. It just does not seem as fun without him.

hivemindneeded · 04/02/2022 21:54

I agree, it's tough. Try to find two or three things he likes to do with you or is at least prepared to do with you.

My DC of around that age will do a pub style quiz once a week, watch an episode of a comedy or maybe a movie, and will cook food with me (sometimes.)

You could also offer to take him out for breakfast (that worked for me a few times) or ask him for help with your fitness training (go for a run with you or lift weights with you) or with your computer or building IKEA flat packs/renovating furniture.

I don't push for more than that, so during lockdowns I did feel like you as they were both around all the time but with zero interest in communicating with me. They'd turn me down for walks, then go for walks alone or with each other. I hope it's a phase.

insanemumof3 · 04/02/2022 21:55

I have 4 sons. 10,7,4,4 months. My 10 year old was glued to my hips so lovey dovey and it was the best feeling in the world. Now he wants to only have a kiss on his forehead and play in his room. I thank god my 4 year old just wants ro cuddle me 24/7 and my 4 month old wants the same cuddles day long. The saying enjoy it while it lasts is so true they grow up so quick and it's heartbreaking when the realisation hits you. You aren't alone OP! 😔

ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/02/2022 22:03

Yes, yes yes, and oh, yes. He is 19, and we are alien to each other it feels. I was only 17 when I had him, so hardly old myself. Yet we feel a million miles away.
I know he will come back to me, but it is so hard. We have so few things in common (probably just our love of fall out boy and the 1975). I also have 2 younger children, so it seems doubly impossible as I can't do things just for him because of the younger two.
I'm just holding on for the years to bring him back. I've learned a thing or two along the way, and hope that things won't be repeated with my other two (but the chances are high I suppose!). Mine are all boys too. So it is even harder to find common ground.
I got out some sentimental bits the other day, cord, pregnancy tests (yep, still got 'em after 20 years!), first outfit, coming home outfit, first lock of hair, baby teeth... he was so surprised (but also probably totally grossed out!!!) that I'd kept all that stuff. But he seemed pleased. I reminded him how we were once connected by the umbilical cord in my hand. I felt a little of the connection return for a short moment. But alas, he reverted to grumpy teen a few short hours later when something displeased him.
This parenting thing is so hard, it was supposed to get easier! They lied!

OhWhyNot · 04/02/2022 22:05

I’ve always been a single mum it was just me and ds

He is 14 and suddenly very grown up.

I miss my little boy terribly but so proud to see the older boy he is becoming

Original poster

MumofAdultMIA · 04/02/2022 22:19

I know they come back eventually...I have nieces and nephews in their 30s so I've witnessed it...but it sucks when you're actually experiencing it

OP posts:

poppym12 · 04/02/2022 22:32

Yes. Exactly this. I miss him like hell but we seem to 'get along' better when we don't actually see each other. If we're in the same room it's like he can't wait to get away.

Flip