to not want MIL visiting twice a week?

[classicnegroni]

Currently MIL lives a five hour drive from us. To be blunt that suits me fine. I find her very negative and exhausting/draining company. But when we visited around Christmas she announced that she was looking at moving five-ten minutes away from us and is planning to visit us twice a week.

I’d be fine with seeing her once or twice a month (which is how often I see my parents) but any more than that just fills me with dread. DH and I both work full time from home and are often busy at weekends so I’m not sure when all these visits are meant to happen. When we visit currently she will demand request DH do all sorts of petty things for her which she is more than capable of doing herself and I worry that her being closer will lead to more of this learned dependence.

So AIBU and mean spirited or would this bother you?

If she moves, your DH will have to go to her every other weekend, perhaps take her out for lunch. On the other weekends she can come to you.

I'd have laughed and said, Sorry, that wouldn't work for us. We work full time and have busy weekends. Don't plan any kind of house move around us, MIL.

If she does move then I wouldn't feel obliged to do more than I wanted re visits. Just because someone demands your time, doesn't mean you have to give it. It's up to your DH whether he wants to give up time for his mother - but I wouldn't feel obliged to give up any more, particularly if you don't like her much.

I think it is your dh that needs to have a conversation about expectations, but no, I wouldn't want to have to be 'entertaining' anyone - from my side of the family or his, twice a week.

I think clear conversations about expectations would be good before she makes such a big change to her life, especially as she has so clearly stated an intention that isn't going to fit in with your lives.

What a nightmare. If she does move close to you, you will have to enact rock solid boundaries, immediately. Give her an inch, she'll take a mile.

I agree with Madmad there. State your case from the outset. Tell her kindly but emphatically, “Don’t base a house move around visiting us twice weekly. There’s no way we can guarantee the availability!”

I'm a MIL and that scenario sounds a nightmare. I wouldn't want to live too close either, in case I got asked to do childcare/babysitting twice a week, on tap, in emergencies etc. I love my dgc but there is such a thing as too much closeness!

She is your DH’s mum. You haven’t mentioned her age or whether she has other support, but at least a couple of visits a week is often the reality of having elderly relatives.

Setting boundaries immediately would have been the smart move. WI was so surprised when she said it so just kind of nodded along. DH thinks that she won't actually go through with it, but if she does start viewing houses then we'll have to let her know that that level of contact won't work for us.

@pictish

I agree with Madmad there. State your case from the outset. Tell her kindly but emphatically, “Don’t base a house move around visiting us twice weekly. There’s no way we can guarantee the availability!”

This, plus of course, you can't guarantee you won't move anywhere during the rest of her lifetime.

I'm not anti-MiL by any means, but a person up routing their whole life to live near you is quite a responsibility to take on.
A person up routing their life to use you for their entertainment if a much bigger commitment.

If you aren't (quite rightly) prepared to make it, be clear before they put their For Sale board up.

@merrymouse

She is your DH’s mum. You haven’t mentioned her age or whether she has other support, but at least a couple of visits a week is often the reality of having elderly relatives.

I know she's DH's mother, but unfortunately that doesn't make her a nice person. She's 60, so not elderly and no care or support needs.