Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Does anyone else have a miserable time on holiday with their partner?

47 replies

Wiennetta · 04/02/2022 16:39

Just need a rant really.

I’m on yet another holiday that my partner has been a complete misery for.

It’s been much needed and looked forward to for me, after not getting away much for the last couple of years due to covid and having a bit of a crap time (like most people).

It was somewhere he wanted to go. I planned most of it. He never puts any effort in to book/research stuff and then gets there and complains about what I’ve planned!

He complains about every thing - he’s very into exercise and eating healthy food - which is great, but he says he feels crap not exercising or because the food is a bit limited/because we’re eating out much more than normal. Fine - but he could exercise he’d just need to plan time for it and be assertive about what he wants to do. He could do some research and find healthy food options. Or he could just put up with being on holiday and relax a bit! I eat well and exercise but don’t stress over a two week break on holiday.

He complains it’s been too cold, it’s a faff putting on and taking off layers and face masks and so on. Yes I get it but surely it’s not a big deal!

He’s complained about not getting such good sleep cos there’s been noise - yep annoying but it’s just one of those things sometimes.

Does anyone else have a partner that just complains and gets really miserable on holiday? I feel like anything outside of his controlled home environment makes him stressed. Am I being unreasonable and not understanding or is he?

Next time I’m leaving him at home.

OP posts:

mistermagpie · 05/02/2022 16:38

@KiwiFruitChutney

I’m the opposite I’m afraid. I’m only able to successful holidays with people I’m either related to, or in a relationship with.

I really struggle with going on holiday with friends - find it really stressful, hate not being able to be completely honest about what I want to do, find all the financial stuff (who’s paying for what? Am I underpaying? Overpaying?) difficult, and spend the time wishing I was with either my family or partner, where everything is much simpler and stress free!

I'm the same, I love holidays with my husband (although I actually like him, which seems not to be the case with a lot of posters on this thread!) but the idea of going away with friends brings me out in a cold sweat. I don't even like staying at someone's house overnight because I feel all awkward about getting up too early/late, the whole money thing, who is doing the cooking today blah blah blah, I'd rather stay at home.

CounsellorTroi · 05/02/2022 16:42

@Bringsexyback

I definitely think it’s yet another myth that’s put out there that people enjoy going on holiday with their partners, when you’ve got the children you can at least distract them how miserable the fuckers are.

I love going away with my partner. We don’t have children though.

5128gap · 05/02/2022 16:45

I think its actually inexcusable. Whatever his feelings, he's a grown man and perfectly capable of keeping his negativity in the privacy of his own mind so not to put a dampener on it for other people. I bet he could manage to keep his complaints to himself if his boss arranged something not to his liking. Tell him how it makes you feel (because he may not think it bothers you, given our complaints don't tend to get them down in the same way) and tell him to stop it, or it's the last time you'll go.

TheVanguardSix · 05/02/2022 16:45

My ex-husband was just so confrontational on holidays. Angry. He was an angry man and going on holiday just brought that side of him to the fore, big time. Oddly enough, he'd push so hard for the holiday, plan it, book the place, drive the whole 'we're going on holiday' theme into the ground. Then we'd get to the destination and it was ALWAYS a countdown to when the dickhead in him would emerge with bells on. He wanted an argument and if he couldn't get one (or several), he'd reduce it to constant needling and bickering, pissing the kids off, pissing me off, just being a dick basically, like a fly at a picnic, hence the 'ex' bit of husband. I dreaded holidays to the bone. Now, I never have to go on one with him ever again!

duvetdayforeveryone · 05/02/2022 16:52

@BattenbergdowntheHatches

Bingo! OP has described some selfish inconsiderate behaviour and the very first poster suggests Asperger’s.

Anyone know how I claim my prize?

Autistic =/= Twat

I know :( The Autism bashing on Mumsnet is awful :(

My DH has Autism and he is wonderful to take on holiday :) I plan the holidays especially to please DH and our 2 sons, and for the last 12 years I have never planned it wrong.

duvetdayforeveryone · 05/02/2022 16:54

@Wiennetta If I were you I'd stop going on holiday with your miserable partner, and instead take someone who you can smile with :)

squashyhat · 05/02/2022 17:13

I love going on holiday on my own. I love going on holiday with DH. I love going on holiday with friends. I draw the line at family though

Helocariad · 05/02/2022 18:44

@squashyhat

I love going on holiday on my own. I love going on holiday with DH. I love going on holiday with friends. I draw the line at family though

Totally with you there

Travis1 · 05/02/2022 19:01

This would genuinely be a deal breaker for me and I find it really sad the number of people who think holidays with partners are just always shit. I introduced my husband to travelling and we’ve gone some fabulous places together

mowly77 · 05/02/2022 22:01

@BattenbergdowntheHatches @duvetdayforeveryone I am definitely not autism bashing! It just so happens that MY partner has Aspergers and that’s why he’s not v good on holiday. He’s not v good with transitions and change. Many people with Aspergers I’m sure are excellent holiday partners, just not mine. I certainly wasn’t suggesting a diagnosis to OP either.

He’s brilliant in so many other ways but if we go away together we stay with family (have families abroad) so it’s chill and he has his own space. Me planning a paid holiday (can’t afford one anyway so it’s a moot point) is a waste of time as he won’t enjoy it and thus his misery will prevent me and DD enjoying it fully. And in the past he has certainly done that and it’s horrible and miserable for everyone.

You sound a wee bit smug @duvetdayforeveryone I’m glad it’s always worked out for you but everyone is different eh

BattenbergdowntheHatches · 06/02/2022 08:25

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Runnerduck34 · 06/02/2022 09:54

Sorry it's been rubbish OP, it sounds awful.
DH gets very tetchy if he can't run, cycle or exercise if we are away! He's better if he still gets his morning run.
Can he get involved in the planning? Can you tell him how upsetting you find this? Alternatively go on holiday with a friend.

Donning my hard hat!
We have ASC in our family and it can make going on holiday difficult, change of routine, unfamiliar places ,the need to be in control, double checking everything, having to plan - no spontaneity, finding it difficult if they can't do their hobbies/ sports/routines, preferring shorter breaks...
So ASC can be a reason holidays are difficult. Having said all that we do go on holiday and usually have a lovely time ( with occasional tension!) but as PP said you tend to plan a holiday they would enjoy and make adjustments, even if perhaps subconsciously .

BattenbergdowntheHatches · 06/02/2022 10:53

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

WalkingOnTheCracks · 06/02/2022 15:02

Sometimes couples have different ideas of what makes a good holiday.

I mean, one might like a roadtrip, couple of days here, couple of days there, lots of driving, cheap motel one night, posh hotel in the next town, trekking up hills to see the view, mooching around castles, checking out art galleries, swimming with dolphins, hot air ballooning, going to see a show.

And the other might prefer staying in a villa for a fortnight, reading books, playing guitar and cooking.

For instance...

Quite difficult to reconcile that.

Crikeyalmighty · 06/02/2022 15:39

I will be honest— I like holidays but don’t like the feeling of being obliged to spend all day/everyday with someone no matter how much I like them , same applies to friends as husband. . For me it can feel claustrophobic - which is why I tend to prefer attractive cities - so they can go off for an hour on their own. I’ve felt the same in any relationship including my 2 marriages.

EatSleepRantRepeat · 06/02/2022 16:10

I don't like holidays much at all. I mainly tolerate going away so I can visit historic places that are too far away for a day trip, and they are usually in the UK, but I can't bear hotels and apartments. Holiday apartments are too noisy, hotel food is expensive and crap, and eating out every night upsets my stomach because its all fatty and salty. If I could invent a teleport for days out, I'd be very happy!

SisterAgatha · 06/02/2022 16:24

Crikeyalmighty it’s true, cities are better. I always go off to buy pastries for breakfast in the morning to break up the day and that’s when I just spend some time wandering about pretending I’m a local and enjoying the ambiance alone. DH sleeps or bathes and it suits us. I wonder if some of these posters are just going on the wrong holidays for their dynamic.

Gowithme · 06/02/2022 16:25

@BattenbergdowntheHatches

Bingo! OP has described some selfish inconsiderate behaviour and the very first poster suggests Asperger’s.

Anyone know how I claim my prize?

Autistic =/= Twat

But people with ASD (especially men IMO as they are less good at masking and are generally seem less driven to learn how to behave in social situations) often come across as self absorbed and inconsiderate. It doesn't mean they are a twat but well done for putting words in other people's mouths. Do you live with a partner and child with autism? It can be really challenging and people should be able to talk about it just as other people are able to talk about their husbands and their behaviour.

Also the poster with the autistic husband didn't tell the OP her husband must also have ASD - she was only talking about the behaviour of her own husband.....who does have ASD. She was also very upbeat and positive despite the difficulties.

It seems the biggest twat here is you, I don't know what prize you get for that.

BattenbergdowntheHatches · 06/02/2022 17:20

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

EatSleepRantRepeat · 06/02/2022 17:23

Well said @BattenbergdowntheHatches

bumblingbovine49 · 06/02/2022 17:43

@Bringsexyback

This is absolutely not true for me. I am pretty miserable on holiday if we have DS with us but if it is just DH and me I always enjoy myself

This is because DS does not like holidays at all and he gets very anxious during them so each day is a struggle. We have in fact stopped having holidays away from home as a family and are happier for it but I do feel a bit hard done by sometimes about that so DH and I go away together occasionally and ds stays with my sister. I love those breaks and wish they could be longer . DH is very good to holiday with , though surprisingly he is not overly bothered by holidays and only really goes because I like them

LetsEatCakes · 01/09/2022 14:24

OMG I thought I was the only one! He wont stop complaining and whining, its absolutely exhausting. And of course, everything I plan is not good and he makes minimal effort to initiate anything. So frustrating, he kills every enjoyment on a holiday. Last time I went with my LG to visit my parents for 3 weeks, loved it! Reading all the posts I think he also may be getting anxious because of the change of environment. He will always compare how something is not good as his...bed, shower, food...

Flip

1 2