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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Holidaying with Friends

26 replies

ElenaOfTroy · 04/02/2022 14:24

My hubby and I invited a couple, good friends of ours, to visit our holiday apartment (I am Greek) and stay with us in Greece next summer since they had never been to this particular island, and they booked flights to stay with us for a week. My friend then told me she was speaking to a friend of hers (that we never met) and that they (her friend and husband) will probably join us in the summer (although staying in a hotel). I really don't fancy spending time with strangers when we specifically invited only our friends to spend time with us... am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:

3scape · 04/02/2022 14:27

If they're staying separately and your friends will spend time off with them it might be ok. But it was rude of them to just present it as a 'done deal'. I hope they won't be expecting you to play tour guides!!

Original poster

ElenaOfTroy · 04/02/2022 14:32

@3scape I already had an itinerary/suggestions for the week prepared for us and our friends and that's one of the reasons they wanted to join us, to tag along to places and restaurants...

OP posts:

grapewine · 04/02/2022 14:36

I'm sorry, but this would strike me as they'd rather spend time with the other friends than you. They might even tag along as some weird sort of buffer. It's strange, and I'd be a bit wary.

cakewench · 04/02/2022 14:37

YANBU, I'd be irritated by this as well.

And that's assuming those other people are staying in a hotel or whatever. If they're actually trying to bring those people to stay in your apartment, I'd be very firm about that not happening.

Not much you can do if they're staying elsewhere though. I'd actually be inclined to say something along the lines of 'if you've got other friends coming, it's probably easier for you to visit with them if you stay at the same resort they are? It's nowhere near us' (or whatever)

cheapskatemum · 04/02/2022 14:39

YANBU that changes the whole dynamic. I would be really pissed off. At least you have time to have a full frank & meaningful discussion with her, about the wider implications of what she is suggesting.

Loopytiles · 04/02/2022 14:40

That’s v rude of the friends you invited.

If you want to be passive/aggressive would ask them to let you know closer to the time which days and evenings they plan to spend with you and which out with their friends, so that you and DH can make plans.

I wouldn’t offer to host the friend’s friends at your place.

FunnyInjury · 04/02/2022 14:42

I always think the more the merrier so I think YABU.

MNers generally don't really like their friends though so its probably an unpopular opinion on here

Chely · 04/02/2022 14:44

They can sod off with those friends at some point and give you a break from them. I'd see it as a win.

Avarua · 04/02/2022 14:50

A week is a lot of time together. I'd suggest they plan in their itinerary that they go see the Other Friends (OFs) a couple of times. I'd be clear that I wouldn't be expecting OFs to come to restaurants etc but I'd extend a welcome to OFs to come over for brunch or dinner or drinks on one of the evenings. More the merrier but with some boundaries established.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 04/02/2022 14:56

@FunnyInjury

I always think the more the merrier so I think YABU.

MNers generally don't really like their friends though so its probably an unpopular opinion on here

I like my friends. Doesn’t necessarily mean I like their friends or want to be in a big group all the time.

MissAmbrosia · 04/02/2022 15:00

That's really rude, especially if they didn't mention it to you first.

AmbushedByCake1 · 04/02/2022 15:04

Really rude! Especially to invite people that you don't know! Would piss me off.

MrsTrumpton · 04/02/2022 15:28

Sorry if this is harsh, but it sounds like they want the free accommodation but don't want to spend the entire week with just you and your DH. How long have you known them? Are you close friends? I'd be upfront and say they should have checked, because you want to relax on holiday and it could be awkward now if you and their friends don't get on. Then say if they want to see them, they can do their own thing and you'll stick to your plans.

2bazookas · 04/02/2022 16:03

I'd reply something along the lines of " It will be lovely for you and your friends to socialise at their hotel or explore the island together, but I just want to warn you we shan't join in because we don't know them. DH and I just like to kick back and completely relax".

Original poster

ElenaOfTroy · 04/02/2022 16:04

@CoffeeWithMyOxygen You are totally right, i like my friends and have known them for about 11 years but don't really want to spend the week going around exploring and to restaurants with some strangers I don't know or maybe even like.

OP posts:

PicaK · 04/02/2022 16:12

Right. They're good friends but perhaps nervous of spending a whole week in the same house with you.
So now there's an alternative to nip off to. They can have a lovely day with you and then a break and then a day with you.
Perhaps, although they love you, they know you're likely to produce an itinery and they need some more chilled out go with the flow days.

jowly · 04/02/2022 16:15

Really rude.

I'd be making it clear they'd be spending time with the other friends without me.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 04/02/2022 16:15

I think it's rude.

I would make it very clear to your friend that the extra 2 people will not be hosted at your house during the holiday.

Original poster

ElenaOfTroy · 04/02/2022 16:16

@PicaK

Right. They're good friends but perhaps nervous of spending a whole week in the same house with you. So now there's an alternative to nip off to. They can have a lovely day with you and then a break and then a day with you. Perhaps, although they love you, they know you're likely to produce an itinery and they need some more chilled out go with the flow days.

They are more than welcome to do that anyway, they are not my prisoners and they can go off on their own, but they shouldn't assume I want to hang out with their friends all day (that i have never met)...

OP posts:

Kite22 · 04/02/2022 16:28

YANBU, but your friends really are.
That is incredibly rude of them, and changes the whole dynamic.

Even for those people who think it reasonable to perhaps want to spend some time separate from those you book a holiday with, surely you can see they needed to discuss it with OP first ?
OP has invited them to something they have accepted. If they want it to be different, then they need to tentatively suggest it to the original hosts rather than just changing the whole dynamic without any conversation.

Somethingsnappy · 04/02/2022 17:09

Yes, this is strange and insensitive of them. The whole dynamic changes. I'd also feel put out that I was being used something of a hotel. They're supposed to be visiting you, on your invitation, not using your house as a base from which to go off and socialise with others all week. If they're expecting you to join them, they should have checked. They've essentially just invited someone else along. I wonder if the other couple heard about their plans, thought it sounded fab and have now tagged along and your friends are too polite to say no? I'd be having a chat about it.

Clymene · 04/02/2022 17:27

Very very rude.

DreamerSeven · 04/02/2022 17:49

That’s really rude of your friends, I’d have to say something, it’s fine for them to decide how to spend their holiday but not ok too change the dynamics of yours! I’d say something along the lines of “As nice as I’m sure your friends are, we’re not really up for spending our holiday with people we don’t know, so let us know how you’re planning to split your time and we’ll do our own thing while you catch up with them”.

ThinWomansBrain · 04/02/2022 17:56

it is rude of them

however I'd view it as a positive not to be encumbered with entertaining them 24/7.
Just ask in advance which days/evenings they plan to be doing their own thing with their friends so that you can sort a loose itinerary for yourselves.

Oblomov22 · 04/02/2022 18:00

This would really hack me off. You should at least text her and say you need to ask a couple of questions about it, and then give her a ring?

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