To think it should be this hard

[fridayfuzz]

My one year old is having huge issues eating and sleeping. I’m sure it shouldn’t be this difficult.

One year old breast fed (never taken a bottle or a dummy). He’s always fed all hours of the day but now he wants to sleep with a boob in his mouth constantly and it is no longer sustainable. We feed to sleep, cosleep, feed most hours of the night, he’s eating like a fly all day (solids) though I do serve him three meals and snacks.
He won’t take milk from a cup but will take water.

I’m exhausted, ready to stop feeding him (at least, at night) and no idea where to go from here.

After 5 nights of virtually no sleep I’m feeling like a complete failure of a mother. None of my friends seem to have the same issues with their babies.

I am really not keen on sleep training and i could handle 2/3 even 4 wake ups a night but every hour is just unsustainable. He has occasionally slept better but we are in a terrible patch right now.

To note on the eating - he loves fruit and refuses all his proper meals and asks for fruit. Do I give in and feed him what he likes so I know he’s eating something?!? Or just refuse take his food away and try again later? He will cry and cry for boob but refuse to eat any of the solid meals I serve him.

I’m just honestly at the cliff edge today I feel like there are so many food and sleep related issues and he’s sooo reliant on my boobs and milk and I feel very trapped.

Please help!

Anyone around to help? :-(

Oh love that sounds really hard.
Do you have a partner? I stopped feeding at 12mo as that was right for me. I started a new job where it would make feeding really hard. So DP did all the night wakings for a good two weeks to settle DD back down without her instantly going for my breast, she never settled for me without it. It took a week or so but she seemed to click that she could go back to sleep without a boob!

My children both went through similar stages. In fact my 2 year old is going through a similar stage. In my personal experience, they go through different stages that makes you feel like banging your head against a brick wall, then suddenly they get past it. Then the next thing you know they're doing something different that's equally frustrating.

At that age, I personally feel that meal times should be calm and relaxed. I always offer what I I to give them, alongside something I know they will eat. That way they have the option, but i know they will at least eat something.

He may well be in a developmental leap, which is why things are particularly difficult right now. So he may be wanting the boob for comfort as much as to fill his tummy. I know that doesn't make it any easier for you, please do know that you're absolutely not a failure, and some children are more difficult when it comes to these things

@MonkeyPuddle yes I think my DH will have to step in to do this. Problem is he works full time and drives a lot so really can't be up all night during the week. Same, DS won't settle for me without a boob :(

You need to stop the boob and your DH needs to step up.

If baby is hungry; he will eat or drink. He is way beyond weaning stage. And you are not a failure.

Please stop thinking that. Or you will be trapped for the next couple of years.

I think the thing is he is getting most of his nutritian from the milk, so isn't yet that bothered by food.

It is hard cycle, because no food also means he needs to feed more.

But night time seems like he needs to learn how to sleep without the boob. I think the only way is for dh to do it. Can He do Fri/Sat?

Can you plan a week where he sleeps 8-12 and then does night wakings?

It really doesn't take long, but it is extremely stressful for those few nights, so you need to be on the same page and committed to it.

To be honest I cried on DP and he took a week off work so that he could do it. I don’t think he’d clicked just how excruciating tired I was until that point. Once he was doing all the night wakings he realised sharpish!!

My DS didn't stop feeding until 2.5 when I'd fully had enough.

He wasn't interested in solid food until he was 18 months but when his interest did turn to solid food I couldn't stop him!

A friend weaned her DS earlier than she wanted to because she wouldn't eat solid food and thought no milk would encourage her to wean but it didn't.

If you're absolutely ready to stop your DS will absolutely be fine. If you're not you might find your DS will come round to solid food soon enough.

Good luck! :)

Oh it’s absolutely ghastly isn’t it. I completely feel for you as my child was exactly the same. I had to stop bf’ing at 14 months to start fertility treatment but thad wanted to stop the madness over night for a while. At its worst 1 year old was waking every 45 mins and only going to back to sleep after bf, or having nipple in his mouth.. Agree with previous poster that possibly developmental stage but it most likely wasn’t with mine as it was constant to varying levels..! My child although adores his dad refused to ever be comforted at night by him so impossible for him to help (he is still same now at neatly 4..) What i did was acknowledge that at least at night he seemed to need milk or the sucking action. Over the course of a week i reduced bf during day and did don’t offer don’t refuse but would actively do fun activities at typical times he wanted it. If v upset i would allow it. My main issue was nighttime though as was completely insane and losing plot with lack of sleep. I got a bottle with a newborn size nipple (this mimics breastfeed) and at nighttime the only milk that was on offer was a bottle. Be completely calm, confident and firm in your decision. The process i followed was to slowly over a few weeks was to dilute milk to water so that as you approach end, child is just having water in bottle and then doesn’t want it anymore. I ended up giving mine milk for longer as he just weirdly seemed to need it so carried on for longer and by using bottles he definitely dramatically reduced the amount was waking quite quickly. Google nightweaning as there is lots of ideas. I also couldn’t get my husband to do it as he also worked away at times and child would only be comforted by me at night.

With the food, i spoke to a friend who works as nhs dietitian and nutrition stuff and she said that at 1 some children are still v milk for used. For a variety of reasons, mine was a snacker and frustratingly would chew food and then spit out.. he was well though, growing and gaining brilliantly so was getting what he needed. My friend was v keen on saying your job is to offer 3 healthy meals and 2 healthy snacks a day and his job is to try, enjoy, play with, ignore.. etc. Mine is fine now. eats well but it’s a journey. He would also still rather drink his calories 🤣 loves milk, hot chocolate, homemade smoothies (i add oats, spinach, fruit and greek yoghurt) and juice.

As hard as it is, make the decision and stop bf at night but have a proper plan on place like one i used or another one. I did last bf to sleep, really enjoyed and then never again. He was shockingly fine with it.
lots of luck and take care cx

I feel for you. I don’t use dummies because I dislike them but I do see that most mothers do seem to get more of a break when they use them - and therefore it can be hard when their babies sleep through the night snd yours don’t and you feel like you’re doing something “wrong”. Ditto some mothers are more able to let their children cry or fuss to sleep and then they sleep through. You can only really do what you're prepared to - it’s absolutely ok to struggle with the lack of sleep and to be confused and conflicted re feeding and what to do.

In general things will work out. Your baby will be going through a phase and even if you stick to what you’re doing things will get better when they are supposed to. If you want to wean may I suggest the Jay Gordon method - it’s gentle and loving and still involves lots of cuddles. X

You must be so exhausted and depleted. It's the worst, I've been there too.

If you want to continue breastfeeding, you are perfectly allowed to set limits on it at this age. Night-weaning is an option, as is distracting your little one when he wants to feed at inconvenient times during the day.

Would something like that work for you, do hou think?

Thank you everyone for some great responses. I'm in such a bloody muddle with what to do.

Tonight my DH is going to have to find a way to deal with it as I'm going to bed alone with ear plugs in for a good 4/5 hours, I can't think straight and desperately need a break.