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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel completely stressed and frazzled about school attendance and now this……

10 replies

MissScarlett007 · 03/02/2022 20:33

I have name changed as some of the info could be outing. Might change a few details.

If there are any other parents who have been completely stressed by their DC’s illness and attendance please feel free to join.

DS has been hugely unlucky and has suffered a couple of injuries since April 2020, these have resulted in quite a few weeks off school but with the power of ‘home learning’ he’s had some contact with school teachers at least, although there has been lots of technical difficulties.

We have been in regular contact with school, he’s been marked as Authorised Absence and Pastoral Care have been supportive.

While all this has been going on we’re also having DS assessed via school/community paediatrics as we suspect possible ADHD/ADD/ASD, so this has been also going on in the background.

About 4 weeks ago DS complained about the right side of his neck feeling larger than the other. I tried to feel down each side but was met with a ‘OUCH’ each time. He had complained of an itchy throat a few days before so we put it down to a possible swollen lymph node. That lymph node is much bigger and is still swollen, so off to the Gp this week.

GP has requested a scan and told DS he might need a biopsy on this lump! So we’re now waiting for this appointment to come through. I’m worried, I’m hoping it’s just the GP being extra cautious, which they need to be, don’t they?? I feel so much for DS that it’s almost like ‘here we go again’ - I’ve told him not to Google, that it’s most likely an infected lymph node etc, but I know he will Google!

What’s adding to this stress is the thought that I’ve got to contact school AGAIN about DS and I know you might think I’m nuts but I’m seriously thinking about pulling him out of school to HE as it’s so stressful for everyone.

DS health is paramount but notifying school each and every time (and it’s been a lot) is adding HUGELY to the stress.

There’s multiple issues we’re dealing with right now and I won’t lie, I’m so fucking stressed, (sorry for swearing).

My main priority now is DS but the attendance %, lack of schooling etc etc is completely stressing me out, this shouldn’t be my main worry should it, I should be ABSOLUTELY 100% thinking about DS (which might be nothing) but instead I’m also having to worry about the school’s attendance record!

Is this right when it’s genuine?

I really can’t wait for to school years to be over if I’m honest, it’s been a journey.

In the meantime, if anyone has any positive advice regarding DS swelling in the neck, any GP’s out there who would have done the same, referred for a scan just to be safe, please post.

OP posts:
MissScarlett007 · 03/02/2022 20:35

***April 2021 NOT 2020 which was OBVS lockdown!

OP posts:
MissScarlett007 · 03/02/2022 21:05

Anyone? Sad

OP posts:
endofagain · 03/02/2022 21:10

Nothing matters more than your child's health IMO. I would focus on that for now. don't make any decisions about home ed etc until you know what the outcome of the scan is.
Break this down into separate issues and take it step by step.
One of my DC missed 5 months of school due to illness. The school just had to accept it and so did I. Child was too ill to even think about school work or even just reading a book. We just had to get through a day at a time.

endofagain · 03/02/2022 21:14

As long as you have medical certificates nobody can complain about attendance. Once you have a diagnosis you can figure out what happens next and what the time scale is. Education is available lifelong. There will be setbacks and opportunities, Often they are the same thing.

MissScarlett007 · 03/02/2022 21:17

@endofagain we’re feeling so lost, it’s been a nightmare couple of years. as well as Covid!!

I hope your DC (you) are good. 🤞

OP posts:
MissScarlett007 · 03/02/2022 21:18

*(and you) should have typed!

OP posts:
endofagain · 03/02/2022 21:22

Dc is fine now. We both learned a lot of life skills and how to deal with disappointments and challenges. There was plenty of time and opportunity to catch up and a firm decision to change schools once GCSEs were over (due to awful behaviour of the staff at the school). That change of school was the best decision ever and led to greater things.
Take a deep breath and one day at a time. I hope what ever the scan shows it will be easily treatable.

DownWhichOfLate · 03/02/2022 21:24

Why does school attendance worry you so much? Is it the school’s attitude? Or your child missing out? Or something else?

MissScarlett007 · 03/02/2022 21:30

@DownWhichOfLate I think ALL that you’ve mentioned, although school haven’t had an attitude I worry that they’ll think (and I really imagine they do) say ‘ it’s Mrs Scarlett AGAIN’ s and absolutely DS missing mostly the social aspect of school teamed with everything else.

OP posts:
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 03/02/2022 22:35

I'm sure school wouldn't be thinking anything other than they hope your DC gets well soon.

Stuff happens. They understand. Please don't get stressed about telling them.

I hope your DC gets sorted soon.
For you OP Thanks

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