Single parent, 3dcs, moving away from family...can I do this? Has anyone done it?

[loulousx]

When I say moving away...I mean maybe 30 mins/45 mins away.

I have 3 dcs, eldest with Sen. I got out of my abusive marriage.

The only way I can feel myself getting over my marriage and everything that went with it is by moving away. Had anyone done this?

My reasons:

• I need to be away from ExH
• He will not bring anything positive into dcs lives so I don't want them too near him where he thinks he can have them when he wants (he has addiction problems, there are safe guarding issues etc)
• Too many painful memories
• I live in a place where everyone knows everyone. Everyone knows what happened. I just want to move on.
• I don't want to be thinking I could bump into him or his family every time I pop to the shops
• Eldest DS has sen and must go to an sen school. I've found an excellent school which has its own farm - DS absolutely loves animals and this school is highly rated. DS doesn't really like his current sen school, I honestly feel this one could be beneficial to him.
• Just a fresh start for us 4 together making new memories.

But can I do it? Am I being selfish re routing my kids? They've been through so much already.

I also know I'd struggle with childcare. I only have my mum to ask for help, she's all I've got. She would be about 40/45 mins away. She would be there to help me with planned things but not in an emergency. I'd have no one! But then I think...it would work out somehow.

I'd come home on weekends to stay with my mum and see other family/friends.

The thought of moving and being totally alone is scary but the thought of staying is absolutely suffocating.

Anyone got any experiences? Good or bad?

Doesn't sound terribly unreasonable. How will you facilitate your DC seeing their father?

It doesn't sound feasible. Maybe compromise and move 20 minutes away? Somewhere that you'll be using different shops etc?

And you need a court order for contact as well no matter where you live.

Are the safeguarding issues being investigated? Would he try and stop you moving?

I think moving away is a great idea as long as you are able to make new friends and build a new local support network. How old are DC?

So eldest dc isn't his. The 2 younger ones are 4 & 2.

He's had them every other weekend for a maximum of 4 hours and then just tells me to come and collect them. I really cannot see him taking me to court. He acts like a loving father on the outside but the reality is he just likes the idea of having a family but can't be arsed to put any effort into it.

I have called the police as far as domestic abuse but that's as far as it's gone. He's had a warning. Not heard from him for 2.5 weeks now

@Imsittinginthekitchensink

Doesn't sound terribly unreasonable. How will you facilitate your DC seeing their father?

It's been advised by the police that if he wants to see them, we meet in a public place like a car park. Under no circumstances can he come to my home

@JanglyBeads

Are the safeguarding issues being investigated? Would he try and stop you moving?

I think moving away is a great idea as long as you are able to make new friends and build a new local support network. How old are DC?

No we haven't got that far yet. He isn't actually asking to see the dcs. He never really has since we separated, just a few hours here and there. No over night stays. He doesn't want them over night (too much hard work)

Anyone else experienced this? That's moved away as a single parent and other dcs? Pros, cons?

30/45 mins isn’t far at all

I’m a single mum and want to move as well like you I only have my mum but she would only help in an emergency not for child care. She rarely has had to have them so I wouldn’t be missing much. I have been considering it but it would more likely be an hour or two away. I don’t think you are moving that far so I would go for it, my dc don’t see their father at all so I don’t have to worry about that side of things.

Depends on a number of things really .Do you drive/have transport? I would think hard really .If your DM is nearby, and you have no other family for support.You may be lonely .Dont forget that as well as not seeing people you know ,you may not find anyone to talk to at least for a while! As far as everyone knowing what happened ,its hardly big news that someone got divorced in the 21stC! Its not the 60s any more .

I drive 40 minutes to drop the kids off at school! So not far away! Do it, if it's a great school for your eldest and you will feel safer why not?! Sen schools with farms are the absolute best!

@mamaoffourdc

I drive 40 minutes to drop the kids off at school! So not far away! Do it, if it's a great school for your eldest and you will feel safer why not?! Sen schools with farms are the absolute best!

Thank you! Yes it doesn't seem that far but i understand what others say in terms of loneliness and friendship. But that's where I'd have to put the effort in which I'd be prepared to do!

Sounds like you and your family need it.
45mins is not far at all.

I moved 3.5hrs away from everything I knew at 18, with a prem baby.
I did have DP, so not same as your situ but you can do it!
Good Luck.

Well it's not far still - 45 minutes.

But I think you're still reacting from the breakup if it's only been 2 weeks. I'd really suggest you just sit tight for a few weeks first - you really can't make any decisions now. And also, you need to take things slowly for your dcs.