To think this advice is twaddle?

[LucyOrli]

Hi all,

I have a 7 week old, and it’s recently been very difficult to get him to nap anywhere but in a sling (he used to nap easily in his basket but now he doesn’t - hard to settle and wakes up after a couple of minutes. Nighttime is fine - he sleeps in his snuzpod). I mentioned this to the health visitor (the napping in the sling thing) and she told me he would become clingy if I did that and I’d be getting him into bad habits which would create problems down the line, and that he needed to learn to be independent. She suggested that I leave him to cry so long as he’s been fed, is clean and safe and there isn’t a reason to think he’s ill or something.

I don’t think controlled crying is tantamount to child abuse or anything like that, nor am I into attachment parenting, but am I being unreasonable to think the “bad habits” thing is a bit premature when he’s only 7 weeks and that it’s more important that he gets enough sleep? Seems like a tall order to expect independence at less than two months. Or am I making a rod for my own back by letting him nap in the sling and not enforcing bassinet naps? For context I’m a FTM and have no idea what I’m doing.

YANBU - However you get him to sleep is fine, it’s the fact that he’s sleeping that matters
YABU - You will regret this later when he’s still trying to nap on you at 8 months old and weighs 50kg!

It's worrying that an HV is actually issuing advice that goes completely against current guidelines.

@Somethingsnappy

It's worrying that an HV is actually issuing advice that goes completely against current guidelines.

I didn't realise they had guidelines, maybe you should feed it back to the head health visitor or whoever is in charge

Oh my sling saved my life when DD was tiny, you really can’t spoil them at that age, they’re still getting used to being on the outside not the inside.
What kind of sling are you using at the moment? I had a stretchy Mobi wrap when Dd was little then upgraded to a manduka (sp?) when she turned into a chonk! It has padded straps like a rucksack and was so comfy to wear!

Seven weeks? I swear the day I meet a Health Visitor who isn’t a moron is the day I wake up Megan Markle.

What exactly is the recruitment / training process for being a HV? Do they just pull random people off the street?

What nonsense - my 2nd lived in the sling for the first 6 months because of reflux and just ease...she is by far the best sleeper out of my kids. Whilst later on I think there are things that might help sleep I've come to the conclusion that kids will either sleep or they won't and I spent far too much time trying to "solve" something that was beyond my control 😂 enjoy your cuddles!

Ignore her advice! You're doing great

Of course the baby is happier next to their mother where its warm and safe. Its just natural instinct.

I've heard the opposite... creating a safe secure environment when they are younger makes it easier for them to become independent as they get older.

Also my 4yo slept on me constantly due first year, bed shared for 2 years.

He now leads me upstairs when he wants to go to sleep, lies down and is snoring 30 seconds later.

Clingy my arse.

What qualifications do you need to be a HV? Because I've heard some absolutely shocking advice from them.

Developmentally, an infant doesn’t even begin to understand that they are a separate or autonomous “entity” until around 6 to 9 months of age. Bloody hell, shouldn’t a HV know that?

So no, an infant won’t be learning or not learning Independence skills at 7 weeks.

have mercy.

Just for later, because you will come across things like this often...the pathological obsession to get babies (and that's what they are) to drink from a cup by 12 months and get rid of bottles. Equally the obsession to get rid of dummies because it will ruin their teeth. Most teenagers have braces regardless of dummy sucking oh and that missing time of primary school means they are destined to fail in life.

Op cuddle away

YANBU
He's 7 weeks old FGS!!

HV are shit. 7 weeks is way too young to effectively be ignored. I did it both of mine f Rfh I'm 4 months or so

100% twaddle.

I fell for this with DC1 and spent most of his first year trying to put him down in a cot drowsy but awake. On a bad day I deeply regret it as I wish I’d just sat holding and feeding him watching TV. DC2 was effectively in the sling all day from brith until he got to heavy!

I’d report her. Someone less confident than you might listen to her stupid bloody “advice” leaving a tiny baby and a vulnerable new mum in a worse state.

Let your baby nap where they like. They barely know they’ve been born!

To be fair to the woman, I had mentioned in passing that I wasn’t eating the healthiest lunches because I didn’t want to cook with him in the sling (I’m not THAT confident!) so I think she imagined I wasn’t eating properly and was martyring myself. I maybe should have said that I was still eating a decent breakfast and dinner thanks to DH, but that lunch tended to be cake a sandwich.

Good grief! Just adding to the majority view here - what utter nonsense!

I'd be tempted to never ever see that HV again if possible (and report them).

@Monr0e I’m sure you do an amazing job! No need to duck on my account

DD2 would only nap on me during the day for the first 5-6 months. I kept trying her in her cot every now and then, and eventually she stopped waking up screaming as soon as I’d put her down. Just do whatever makes you and your baby happy.

Absolute rubbish! My 7 month old lived in sling for first 3 months. I made birthday cakes for eldest, played crazy golf and all sorts with her in! She now goes to sleep in her cot by herself for most naps/bedtimes, which is her preference! Enjoy the cuddles and do what works for you. When it doesn’t work for you anymore than you can look at making changes.