How to deal with this?

[gianttoblerone1]

I posted the other day about having a serious mental health crisis a few months ago and withdrawing from all social groups, both close friends and school mum acquaintances. I sent an apology when I was feeling a bit better and had mixed responses (pleasant enough, frosty, none at all). I can't stress enough how unwell I was and that shutting myself off was the only way I could get through it.

My DS (8) was very upset last night. When I asked him why he clearly didn't want to tell me but eventually admitted there is a class party he hasn't been invited to. He asked the birthday boy why he hadn't been asked and he was told 'because you're a nutter like your mum'.

I'm still signed off work but gradually trying to rebuild things socially and repair relationships but this has knocked me for six. It sounds like something parroted from a parent and I don't know how to begin to deal with it.

Speak to him about mental health and how it affects people. Talk to him about how if someone speaks to him like that then they aren't the kind of people he needs as friends. It's shit op but it's not your fault. All you can do is bolster your son so he knows he doesn't need people like that around himz

@CassieJumped

Speak to him about mental health and how it affects people. Talk to him about how if someone speaks to him like that then they aren't the kind of people he needs as friends. It's shit op but it's not your fault. All you can do is bolster your son so he knows he doesn't need people like that around himz

I've tried to shield my children from my episode as much as possible. They understand that mental health is as important as physical health to the extent that they can without having them worry about me.

I'm worried this comment has come about from a parent who was so offended by my withdrawal that she thinks its ok to speak about me to/infront of her child.

If she said that then it’s obviously horrible but I don’t see what you can do about it.

@AnneLovesGilbert

If she said that then it’s obviously horrible but I don’t see what you can do about it.

I'm wondering if its worth speaking to her or the school because surely that's some kind of bullying?

I think you should contact the school and let them know and perhaps they could do some age appropriate mental health awareness and bullying workshops

The person who really needs the workshops is the parent of the child concerned. About the only way they get tackled is if the school is willing to get them in to talk about her child's comment, and try and get her to realise both that it's not acceptable and that it's behaviour learned from them.

That’s awful. So sorry you and your DC have had this to deal with in top of everything else. You did an amazing thing getting back in touch with everyone to let them know. Really brave. If people do t get it then that’s their stuff. Everyone of us is only a couple of significant life events away from significant mental health issues. It’s not a ‘them and us’ situation it’s an ‘us’ situation.

I think in your shoes, if you trust the school, I would talk to them. Some education for the kids wouldn’t go amiss. The more we all understand our emotional and psychological inner world, the better.

I feel really cross on your behalf about that parents cruddy behaviour, but they obviously haven’t been educated about the true nature of our mental health as human beings, and are relying on archaic, bigoted and negative views of mental health.

Hope you keep healing.

Oh bless you both. You won't be the first or last parent to have mental health difficulties. Nor will your son be the only child dealing with difficult family situations.

1. have you contacted Mind to see if there are any groups around for families? It may help your son, if you're prone to poor mental health, to have a support network who have experienced similar things and the stuff like this that goes along with it.

2. don't feel guilty. Kids can be cruel for so many different reasons. I remember being called names because of my parents culture. If it's not that, it's weight, or height. There was even a lovely girl at school who was picked on for having beautiful hair. Honestly.

It's not your fault the other kid has twatty parents. And in all honesty, I feel more sorry for that child as that attitude will close a lot of doors for that child in the future. Whereas yours is likely to be more mature, empathetic and kind - all qualities that will stand him in good stead.

I would concentrate your efforts on building up your son's resilience and creating a good supporting network for him (and you).

Hugs - things WILL get better x