Hello MN!
I need some advice... * I accidently posted this on the talk section, so please ignore if you see this twice *
I met a lovely guy a few months ago. He suffers from really bad mental health. When I first met him, he would constantly text/call alot... so much so, it started to affect my work. He is very behind on his work and has missed so many deadlines / objectives because of his mental health - he has been referred to occupational health and talks to a therapist weekly. Over the past two weeks, he started telling me that he hadn't showered in days and couldn't get his head into work. He also started telling me how stressed he was because he was broke (paying out court fees to get access to his kids) and said his house is a mess because he has stopped tidying up. His therapist, as did I, said he needed to be kind to himself and practice self-love, he is so critical of himself, he is always saying how he cant be loved and he doesnt understand why anyone would like him - Its heartbreaking because its untrue.
Anyway, our 2nd argument happened last week.. and I probably strung it out longer than was needed as I was hurt. He asked if I would think that he didnt love me, if he took a few weeks to sort himself out. He said he needs headspace and wants to limit stress, distractions and worry so he can concentrate on getting better so he can be happier so we can be happier too.
I'm really saddened by this, I get why he is doing it but it also feels like I have been dumped and he isnt saying this. I'm trying hard not to think like this but I cant help it.
So far, it has been a week of space. He has texted me every evening, asking how my day has been and we have agreed to meet next week.
I asked him last night if we were really okay and he replied "it is me that is not okay" - I asked if we were actually finishing and if he just didnt want to say it. He said no, he doesnt want to break up, he needs sometime to work on himself so he can then give his time to others, me being the most important person. I asked him to promise he wasnt ending things and he asked me why I needed so much reassurance and promises all the time when he has said he doesnt want to break up and this isnt about ending things. He said this isnt about us, its about him getting better. He said he is confused as he keeps telling me this and with me doubting this everyday, he feels that I maybe want him to end it. I said I didnt but like I have given him reassurance (with his mental health) sometimes I need it too, particularly right now. I was getting a bit upset that he couldnt make that promise. But he then texted saying "I love you... please believe me" then 5 minutes later "I promise".
I know I have to leave him be... we both have to concentrate on work and he has some really big issues to work through. He said he just needs some headspace to get better. His texts arent all lovey dovey anymore - he said he isnt realising this and that he isnt in a good place right now and his avoidance is just him working on himself.
AIBU?
I'm finding this so hard sad