I will try to keep this simple and easy to follow so apologies if I tend to waffle.
I was raised by my Auntie and my sister (6 years older) stayed with DM. I have 2 DD and my sister has 1 who is the same age as my youngest DD. When I was 14 our relationship began to improve, me and my sister became a lot closer and I felt like my toxic relationship with DM was improving. This was until my youngest DD was born.
With DD1, DM always made a fuss of her, she got new outfits, toys, she always wanted to babysit and seemingly adored DD1. Me and my sister got pregnant around the same time and things started to seem sour with them to me then, DM barely saw her nevermind wanted to have her like she did DD1, whereas my sister got extravagant expensive presents, my niece is always with DM (will come onto this later) and she always got treated differently. I cant lie, this has always upset me but I thought maybe I am over reacting and being jealous due to our previous broken relationship. It felt like our childhood being relived, I was always resented and unwanted by DM. They would joke how it was such a coincidence and so funny that we should both have babies at the same time, but it always came across as they was not happy with it and I was taking shine from my sister.
Now, I am a SAHM to DDs as my husband has a well paid job and, for now, it is what works for us. DD1 is in school and DD2 attends nursery which my husband pays for to encourage her development and give me a break twice a week. He is happy to do this and like I say, it works well for us. The kids are happy and we are.
DM works as a nurse and when we speak she always brings up, when will I go back to work, she wishes she could have the freedom to do whatever she wants, I don't need a break from my kids because I am not working, what do I do with myself all day
It has really, really got to me recently. I answer the same everytime "it works for us and husband is happy with it" and I try to change subject but its relentless.
My sister works which she said to me herself, she is able to work because her friend and DM split childcare for her. DM really made me uncomfortable on her last visit before Christmas as she said it wasn't fair on sister and niece that my DD goes nursery so I can 'sit at home'
I came off Facebook just after Xmas as I was fed up of seeing DM spoil niece with big gifts, spend Xmas day with her whilst my DDs got a small gift each that she asked me to choose because she had "no idea" what they like and she didn't come and see them which upset DD1. My friend sent me a screengrab today of sister posting that DM surprised her with a gift (yet DM says she is working monday-friday and cannot see us on the weekends as she is so busy with her own life) and from the picture I can see it includes a blanket I had actually bought for DM that she has passed on. I just feel like it's a kick in the teeth..
I'm constantly battling in my head between DM is toxic and always has been and the way she acts with me and my DDs is unfair and they are better off without her, or that I am unreasonable and as my sister and DM always had a better relationship, what else can I expect?
I feel sad that I thought the relationship had repaired, but now it doesn't really feel like it.