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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL's old bathroom?

33 replies

CosyKnits · 03/02/2022 10:53

This is not a PIL bashing thread, I love them and they are not really involved, other than it's their old bathroom.

They are redoing it and have offered us the bath/a radiator. DH wants to accept (because it's free), I don't. It's good quality and in good condition, so probably unreasonable of me.

But we are due to redo our bathroom this year and I've been so looking forward to choosing everything, making it ours - we've lived in this house for over three years and have only decorated DD's room so far, the rest is a bit of a state (clean and tidy but stuff everywhere, not our taste etc).

I don't mind second hand, almost all my clothes are/prefer vintage furniture etc, so not that. I just want to choose it, that's all. A good chunk of our belongings (furniture, crockery, even towels!) are inherited from our parents. I just want stuff that's MINE.

DH thinks I'm unreasonable as it's free and good quality. Am I being a brat?

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 03/02/2022 10:54

Stand your ground and say no!

Edinvillian · 03/02/2022 10:56

Not at all. What's the point in getting their old one, if it's not good enough for them then it wouldn't be good enough for me. I'd want one to match my toilet and sink.

RandomQuest · 03/02/2022 10:59

Is the bath some super swish vintage roll top or something? Otherwise it’s just odd! The radiator is even stranger, I presume your bathroom is currently heated so why would you need it? This is definitely a thanks but no thanks situation!

HerbivorousRex · 03/02/2022 11:03

I don’t think you’re being a brat and I can totally understand why you want to choose.

However, if the items are in good condition then it might be worth considering whether it would be worth using them and spending the money you save to choose items that will have more impact (e.g. more expensive tiles/paint, nicer accessories, replacing towels etc).
If they’re a plain, white ceramic bathroom suite/radiator and you’d be going for something similar then you could replace things like the taps/shower fittings to make them more your taste.
However, if they’re a very specific style, damaged, or they don’t fit the room properly then I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to want new stuff that you’ve chosen.

Original poster
CosyKnits · 03/02/2022 11:04

I'm so glad it's not just me! No, it's not a fancy one, just an everyday bath, and it was in the house when they bought it two years ago, so no idea how old it is!

We will be putting in a new radiator, but the one they've got is a sort of bulky towel rail thing that juts out - we don't have a large bathroom.

OP posts:
TulipsTwoLips · 03/02/2022 11:04

Being a very practical person, I can see where he’s coming from! But in your case I’d get looking for what you want and keep talking about how much you like this other one and hopefully that will carry him along in the end. You’re not being a brat at all. Some times we just want to make a decision from the heart not the purse strings.

mizzo · 03/02/2022 11:06

I don't think either of you are unreasonable. Our first house was 99% hand me downs for a long time and I longed for the day when I could choose for myself.
To my DH a bath and radiator are functional items and therefore he would have any old one in good condition. Where as I will spend hours deliberating over this kind of thing.

If either of them is similar to what you want though I'd take it so you have more money to splurge elsewhere.

MrsWinters · 03/02/2022 11:07

So they get to choose what they want, but you don’t?
If it’s what you would’ve picked then have it, if you don’t like it tell them no.
I don’t know why you would go to all the effort and expense of putting in a new bathroom that you don’t like!!!

Original poster
CosyKnits · 03/02/2022 11:07

@HerbivorousRex

I don’t think you’re being a brat and I can totally understand why you want to choose.

However, if the items are in good condition then it might be worth considering whether it would be worth using them and spending the money you save to choose items that will have more impact (e.g. more expensive tiles/paint, nicer accessories, replacing towels etc).
If they’re a plain, white ceramic bathroom suite/radiator and you’d be going for something similar then you could replace things like the taps/shower fittings to make them more your taste.
However, if they’re a very specific style, damaged, or they don’t fit the room properly then I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to want new stuff that you’ve chosen.

I did think it would mean we could spend more elsewhere, but the more I try and picture it, I just don't think it will go at all!
OP posts:
Blossom64265 · 03/02/2022 11:07

I’m redoing my bathroom right now. The bath itself is not the expensive part and I am putting in a really expensive bath. It’s the labor and the framing and all of that. I wouldn’t spend all that money to put in materials I wasn’t confident would last a very long time.

MangoBiscuit · 03/02/2022 11:08

If they're to your taste, or close enough that they won't bother you, I'd accept. If they are not, then politely decline and perhaps point out to you DH that it would be a total waste to spend money on a new bathroom if you don't actually like the finished product.

RB68 · 03/02/2022 11:08

of course you are being a brat - its just stuff. If its reasonable, to your taste and as DH says Free not sure what your issue is other than stamping your foot and screeching about wanting to pay full price for something you picked that in reality probably doesn't look alot different

ghislaine · 03/02/2022 11:09

Could you accept it and then sell it on eBay/to a salvage company and then use the money towards new items? They are probably just trying to do help you with the costs, which they can still do, just not directly.

Original poster
CosyKnits · 03/02/2022 11:10

@mizzo

I don't think either of you are unreasonable. Our first house was 99% hand me downs for a long time and I longed for the day when I could choose for myself. To my DH a bath and radiator are functional items and therefore he would have any old one in good condition. Where as I will spend hours deliberating over this kind of thing.

If either of them is similar to what you want though I'd take it so you have more money to splurge elsewhere.

That's the thing, this is our second house and it's already full of hand-me-downs we brought with us from the first one.

We've actually just sold two sofas that my parents gave us nearly 15 years ago!

OP posts:
allthingsnaice · 03/02/2022 11:13

@RB68

of course you are being a brat - its just stuff. If its reasonable, to your taste and as DH says Free not sure what your issue is other than stamping your foot and screeching about wanting to pay full price for something you picked that in reality probably doesn't look alot different
Oh, did someone shit in your coffee this morning?

OP you're not being a brat or stamping your feet at all!

There's no point installing something in your bathroom that could be years old (and will need to be carefully removed, cleaned, transported, installed etc to avoid any damage when being ripped out) that might not last the time you need it to, when you'd already planned your renovation later this year.

Spend the money you'd budgeted on the bathroom you wanted, I'm sure if they posted it on a website someone would happily take it for free, who actually wants it!

Original poster
CosyKnits · 03/02/2022 11:13

@RB68

of course you are being a brat - its just stuff. If its reasonable, to your taste and as DH says Free not sure what your issue is other than stamping your foot and screeching about wanting to pay full price for something you picked that in reality probably doesn't look alot different
So you're saying don't throw myself to the floor and bang my fists until I get what I want? Noted.
OP posts:
Original poster
CosyKnits · 03/02/2022 11:14

@ghislaine

Could you accept it and then sell it on eBay/to a salvage company and then use the money towards new items? They are probably just trying to do help you with the costs, which they can still do, just not directly.
It's really not my in laws, they are lovely and would certainly never try to insist we take something. They probably would be happy for us to take them and sell them, although not sure we would.
OP posts:
Zilla1 · 03/02/2022 11:17

"Thanks very much. I've looked and the radiator is too wide for our small bathroom. I've already picked out the bath, radiator, taps and everything as I've been planning this for far too long. Can't wait to see the new bathroom you've chosen when it's finished ILs, where are you getting the parts?"

Nothing brattish about considering the offer but politely declining it, OP, if it doesn't suit.

coronabeer · 03/02/2022 11:17

Is the bath you're planning on buying that much different from the one you've been offered? By the time you've put new taps (and maybe a ne bath panel) on it, it will seem like a different one, anyway.

Seems a shame to waste your money unnecessarily.

LindaEllen · 03/02/2022 11:20

Just say no, and explain why.
I was in a similar situation recently, and having just chosen everything for the new bathroom I can confirm it was lots of fun! So absolutely stand your ground on this one.

WeirdlyKind · 03/02/2022 11:24

Old bath tubs are really hard to get rid of most of the time. I've got one stuck in my shed that no one wants - it's been there for over a year. I could pay the council to come and remove it but its pretty expensive for one item (£20)

Member984815 · 03/02/2022 11:25

Could you take sell it and put the money towards something more in your taste

Original poster
CosyKnits · 03/02/2022 11:32

I really appreciate all your replies.

It does seem a waste to buy another if one is offered, but like I say, it's quite old (possibly older than our current bath) and it would mean having to buy everything else to go with it iyswim?

I'm not worried about saying no to PIL, they would be horrified if I felt pressured by them. It's more about whether IABU before I argue the toss with DH. Generally it seems I'm not but you've all given me food for thought, thank you!

OP posts:
Catflapkitkat · 03/02/2022 11:33

I am in my 50s and the first room I ever do - is the bathroom. (Kids first when they arrived). I love a bath and a good soak - it's how I unwind. I do get your point. I agree with the previous poster above who said it's not necessarily the item but the work that ups the cost.

What you have said here is perfectly reasonable. You say you have a great relationship with them - tell them. Maybe they have forgotten that everything has been secondhand or make do and mend. As they are doing up their bathroom, they know what it's like to put their own stamp on it.

Tell your DH you will speak to them and explain. Perhaps he doesn't want ot look ungrateful. Say something like 'It's a lovely gesture I do appreciate it but it's the one room I have been looking forward to doing myself'. Show your Pintrest bathroom pages. At least a copy of Bathrooms & Kitchens magazine.

Offer to help them put it on free cycle or donate to a charity (friend gave a free standing bath to a horse charity) etc.

Wingedharpy · 03/02/2022 11:34

My issue would be, it may look like a white bath (or whatever colour it is) now, but, when fitted into a bathroom with a spanking new toilet and sink, it will probably look like an off white bath.